Ds is 9 and dd is 8 and lately their friendships are reaching a new level at least for us. There are the "best" friends who call the house, one for each of them. There are also kids who flock to our door to see if they can play since we live close to the playground. They have had friends here but I haven't let them go to anyone's house. Dd wants to. Her best friend has been that way since kindergarten but I don't like this girl. She is pushy and gets sulky if dd tries to play with other kids. Her parents seem like decent people but they let their daughter come to my house without having ever met me when she was 5. I don't want dd to go to her house without me being present. Would it seem weird to you if a parent accompanied an 8 year old on a playdate? It isn't happening without me but I was wondering if that seems reasonable. Here is my biggest issue- are they young to have friends over all the time? I want them to have a social life and I know friendships are important but I think they are too young to have a constant stream of friends here and now some calling multiple times a day. It seems invasive to me yet I also feel that on some level that it is the beginning of this type of communication with friends. Thanks!

By Jackie on Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 06:41 am:

Yes,I think it would be weird to accompany an 8 yr old to a playdate at the other persons house. If you were friends, with their parents, then no.
I suppose you can always take them on a playdate away from the house, to the park, to McDonalds or wherever, so that way it might now seem so weird.

By Lovinmama32 on Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 08:26 am:

I don't think that is is weird for them to have that kind of social life at this age. But I do think that if you feel you need to that you should set some limits. If you haven't met her best friends parents, meet them. Then you may feel more comfortable allowing her to play over at their home, without you there. My daughter has a few friends that she has gone to their home to play, I have met the parents and feel totally comfortable with them having her. She phone is not ringing off the hook yet, but she does like to call her friends, and I set limits on it. If you are nervous about the playdate, try to let her go, for maybe an hour, and see how it goes, then let her go for longer. But these are just suggestions, you have to do what you feel is best for you and your kids. Good luck.

By Dana on Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 08:40 am:

I would make playdate where it requires the other parent to attend as well. Angel has a new friend, and I invited her mom to meet us at the park after school. We enjoyed chatting, and it was great to see they even have many of the same family rules that we have. This is our first family that does have rules like we do. Talk about hard to enforce the rules when there is no comparison for DD to see! I am so excited about building this relationship.

As for stream of friends, no we don't have that pretty much because we don't have a neighborhood full of kids. But I do have time frames where she is allowed to have guests and phone calls. Nothing in stone. But if there is a child that is over doing it, I just say "they can call between X and X, and if you hang up, they may not call you right back." or "your playtime is after your homework and over at X time"

By Vicki on Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 09:32 am:

I too think it would be odd to go with an 8 year old to a play date. You are right in your thinking that this is just the beginning of things to come.

I agree with Dana that if you are feeling too invaded, I would set time limits as to the phone and guests. I would think that by age 8, you are not having so much of "play dates" as it is just the kids going out to play with others in the neighborhood. By that age, you should be able to let them out in the yard without you having to be right out there with them. Now, I would still be checking on them through the window etc., but you really should not have to be sitting out there with them.

By Debbie on Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 11:00 am:

I have an 8 yr. old and I wouldn't go on a playdate with him. However, I am very involved at school, so I have already met, and chatted with most of the moms that ds is friends with. I don't always liked everything that the boy's friends do. But, overall, their friends are good kids. My oldest does have a friend that he is not allowed to go to his house anymore. I really like the mom, but there is no supervision. He spent the night, and a lot of things happened(being outside really late without an adult, staying up until 3am, just a lack of supervision) So, the boy can come here, and ds can play with him all he wants at school, but he will not go over there again.

Personally, if it is just because you don't like the girl, I would let her go. Especially, if you are ok with her parents. Just keep the playdates short. If this girl is not a good friend, your dd will find that out on her own. I would also encourage playdates with friends of hers that you like. I think you can get into big problems if you start "forbidding" friendships, especially, if you don't have valid reasons. I find this just makes the friendship more tempting. I do spend time talking to my boys about how their freinds actions are a reflection on them. So, they want to pick friends that act the way they know they should. In the situation I mentioned above with my oldest, he didn't say anything when I said he couldn't go to that friend's house again. In fact, ds is the one that told me the stuff they did. I think he felt uncomfortable because he knew it was against our rules. So, I think he was actually relieved when I said he couldn't go over there anymore.

As far as feeling invaded, I would set limits. We don't have that problem. Since school has started, even the neighborhood kids call and ask to play, instead of just coming over. My dks do like to play with friends. And, I make sure they have plenty of time to do it. They both have 3 or 4 friends that they spend a lot of time with. The nice thing for us is that both our boys play baseball with a lot of their good friends, so they have plenty of opportunities to see them.

By Rayelle on Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 11:52 am:

Yes, it doesn't bother me so much that I don't care for the little girl. They have been friends since kindergarten but it hasn't extended much past school. The girl has been here but I found it odd the mother did not care to get to know where she was sending her dd. I am interested to get to know the parents of my childrens friends but this lady doesn't seem to care. It concerns me as far as what she would allow if dd went over there. Sigh, I am so not ready for this, dh is even worse. Maybe an hour would be okay, dd knows our phone number and everything. I think dd mostly wants to satisfy her curiosity of seeing what toys she has and things like that. I am so afraid of my kids being attacked by a child molester, maybe abnormally so.