New kids on the block (not the band) lol
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: New kids on the block (not the band) lol
Hi everyone i am new to this site. I ran across it while doing a search online but I digress. First let me appologize for any spelling errors.
I am a 30 yo mom of two DD (8 and 6) I just recently got remarried to a wonderful man who my DD adore and who adores them. Let me say he is older than me and he is more of the old school parenting views. While very caring just not perticularly paternal.
We moved into his house on a quiet cul d sac. There are several kids of various ages on the road and we were happy to meet the couple across the street who have an 8 yo daughter who ended up being in my DD class last year. Now after spending time with this little girl I find her to be nice enough but maybe a little pushy. (if any of you have ever read junie B jones she is sort of a May, but not quite that bad.)
I think most of the kids have grown up there so this girl "Holly" is friend with several of the other kids on the street, one in perticular is a 10 yo "Eve". Now at some point in the past few months "eve" has made it clear to my 8yo DD that she does not like her and does not want her up on her part of the street, because she is to wild. I will admitt my girls have alot of energy and can get pretty wound up. Now "Holly" has started saying things to my DD. A few weeks ago "Holly" told my DD she wasn't inviting her to her party because she was to wild. My DD came just left and came home then cried on the bed to me while I held her. I was so mad I was outside fuming to my DH. I am torn between letting kids work their own problems out and wanting to say something to her parents, but I know how some parent s can. Not all of them are as level headed as the ones on this site seem to be. "Holly" and "Eve" do alot together and I think "Holly" looks up to "Eve" but I wonder what a 10yo has in common with a 8yo.
My DH tells me not to worry and that when they get older everything will change because my girls will be pretty and boys will want to talk to them and not to "Eve" and "Holly". Don't even ask about that, its a whole other post.
The to add injury to insult the two little girls my DD was best friends with last year ended up in a class together and my DD ended up with "Holly" again.
I am I being over protective and should I just let this work its self out. After this happened I told her they couldnt play with "Holly" anymore. Let me just say that my DD is very sweet and quiet, when it come to standing up for herself, she's not good with snappy comebacks, she feels thigs verry deeply and tends to be emotional and I wish I could find a way to prepare her for the future and with how caddy girls can be. BTW after the party comment was made and she was crying at home with me her younger sister told her to say "wel thats fine I'm having a party soon and you can't come to mine"
I will tell you my 6yo DD is a bit of a spit fire and thought she would be the opposite of her sissy but i'm discovering it may only be with us at home.
thanks all
Welcome to the site!
To be honest with you, it's very likely that the girl is just repeating her parents' comments regarding your daughters. I would assume it is the parents who find your kids too wild and their kids are just repeating what they have heard. It could really be the parents who would prefer your daughter to not play with them and not come to parties. If that's the case there's not much you can do about it.
I'd look for other friends and perhaps work on the 'too much energy' as that really CAN be too much for some kids and especially their parents. If Holly or Eve are quiet and calm then a high spirited kid could certainly rattle them and definitely rattle their parents who are used to calmer kids!
Good luck.
Growing up I had my neighborhood friends and my school friends, at some point you split between the two.
My dds' have gone through the same thing. Try to have your dd's school friends over more so she doesn't have to rely on playing with the neighborhood kids, just because they are there.
Your dd is making friends in school based on interests and similar personalities.
Welcome to MV  You are not overreacting. It stinks when our kids hurt. We all went through this kind of being left out.
Kids can be mean, they can be blatantly honest and they can also take on opinions of their parents without being tactful.
Hang in there!
Welcome!!!!
I would not approach the parents. I think this would just cause more problems. I would talk to your dd about how to handle the situation. I would also set up playdates with her friends. Just becauase there are neighborhood kids your dd's ages, doesn't mean they are going to be friends, or even get along.
It is very hard when our dks are being hurt. Unfortunately, this won't be the last time. I always tell my dks that there will always be people that don't want to be friends with you. Just like, you don't like to hang out with everyone. It doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with either one of you. It just means you are different, or have different interests. I then remind them that they always have to be nice to everyone! But, that doesn't mean they have to be friends with everyone. I think this has helped my boys not be as hurt when kids don't want to play with them.
Welcome!!! I tend to agree that you shouldn't step in. I can sort of relate, as we moved to a new school district this year. My son has been having trouble making friends, because he can't keep his hands to himself when he gets excited. My daughter (I have 6 year old twins, first graders) is struggling a bit as well, but I think that's more her perception than reality, as she was invited to a party already. So, I figured this was a life experience for them... if you behave in a manner that people find annoying, they won't like you. This is true for any age, it's not something that changes as you become an adult. I explained to my son that his behavior was not only causing him to get into trouble, but costing him friends. (The teacher contacted me to ask me to work on it, because it's not that he is hitting, just overly excited, and touches people) He admitted this was true, that kids didn't want to be his friend because of it, and we talked about how to keep hands to ourselves. I posted here about a week ago, and got some great suggestions on helping him break the habit. The way I looked at it, lots of people dislike touchy-feely people, and hyper people, so he would need to adapt his behavior for lifelong social success. It's better to lose a few friends now, than to not be able to have relationships as an adult, right?
So, sorry for the long-winded post, my thought is you won't be able to step in when someone doesn't want to be her friend as a teen or an adult, and she's old enough now that she should be working on her own relationships. Unless these little girls get to a point of actual bullying, just be there for your DD, help her come up with ways to make friends, and stay out of it.
Well pretty much thats what i'm doing. We had a talk about how she was acting and I told her the only person who can change her actions are her. When we are home I try to point out when she is doing something that others my find a bit much. I have also tried to explain that kids can be mean, it not right but it happens, and that there are certain things she can do to adjust her behavior to keep comments and problems to a minimum.
As for the older girl on the block I have a feeling that as soon as she moves up to 6th grade and goes to a new school she may not be interested in playing with little 9 yo and poor Holly will lose a friend. I also wondered if the problem was that Holly was playing with my DD there for a while and she may have been jelouse.
You may have a point about the older girl being jealous. They were friends before your dd moved into the neighborhood. This doesn't excuse her comments, it may just explain them. I have found that two play together much better than three. Four is fine but three kids usually results in someone getting left out. Boy oh boy, have I experienced that with ds!
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