Is Pre-School Really Necessary?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2005:
Is Pre-School Really Necessary?
DS (4.5 yo) is #2 on a waiting list for pre-school and there's been no movement. I called today to check. Doesn't look likely. It's almost September and I'm not sure whether to freak out and phone around (okay, I already did that) or just wait. We live in an urban area and it's *really* tough to get into anything. Daycare waiting lists are usually about 400 names long, for example (which is why we have a nanny!)
So: question is - is pre-school absolutely necessary? I'm concerned about being able to get him into a pre-school in our area. Commuting isn't an option. What are my alternatives?
Also: can anyone point me to or give me a brief description of what Montessori is all about? All I know is that is seems to cost a lot and they want to interview us. What?
I am feeling horribly under-informed.
In a word, no, preschool is not necessary. The "best" thing about preschool is the socialization, but if your DS has plenty of opportunities to be around other kids then I wouldn't worry about it.
nope - and that's coming from someone who worked in preschool but didn't put her 3 kids in daycare or preschool. If you have to work full time, then, yes, preschool is fine, but there is NOTHING in preschool that you can't teach your child on your own.
DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER THIS!!
I wouldn't say that it's necessary, but what IS necessary is preparing your child for kindergarten. I would get the kindergarten requirements and use it as a guideline...heck, you might even want to get a kindergarten curriculum from a teacher and teach things ahead of time.
We are doing Montessori next year, when Connor is 2. I hear it's hard to get them in those schools after they are 4 yrs old...just because they have a set way they like to do things and it's easier to have a child who has done Montessori before. But, that's not to say that it won't happen. I would check about the tuition first though...some of them can be outrageously priced.
I TRULY love the Montessori idea and I'm doing it with Connor early just so he can get some socialization and feel a love for learning. That's what I love about that program...it's self-guiding, self-correcting, and teaches responsibility. The Montessori school that he is going to go to has a wonderful program. Even the 3 year olds are responsible as they grow their own vegetables for food and share with others. They make each other's lunches too.
Totally ditto Pamt and Colette. The socialization is the biggie with preschool, and just getting the routine of a teacher and a daily schedule.
Montessori is *different* IMO. Very centered on what the child wants to do. I visited multiple Montessori schools curing college for my major(recently resigned K teacher here), but I'm not remembering everything at the moment. One thing I can definitely say from experience in my own classroom is that my students who came from Montessori school NEVER did well with the rules, routine, or structure of the school day. They also did not seem to be socially on top of it. That's just my personal experience. My Montessori kids never handled the structure of the day because THEY weren't planning the structure. I think it's because (from my recollection) that Montessori lets the child choose a topic/subject of interest and go with it however and whenever they want. So for example when they realize they have to sit down and do math in a certain way they don't handle it well.
On a personal note, I have 2 close friends whose children did Montessori and both sets of kids are not very friendly and don't seem to interact well with other kids. They also don't seem to have fun just doing 'silly' things that kids do, like writing their name in shaving cream or jsut acting silly. Very serious little people. Please note this is JUST my personal experience. I can by no means recite to you the Montessori mantra. I'm sure there's someone on this board who could though.
I worked in a Montessori Preschool years ago. I myself would describe the program as quite structured. Very suitable to a child who is centered and calm. (Not my little daughter!) Definitely had it's good points. The teachers were very dedicated and caring in this particular school. (They must be certified Montessori to teach. I was an aide.) I always felt it might be a better program for Kindergarten and up. An example of something that bothered me was referring to tasks as "jobs". We were not allowed to use the word "play" with the children. So much more to it. Probably much info on line. I left after awhile because it wasn't feeling right to me, but just my opinion.
Okay, this has me seeing red!!!
Q. I recently observed a Montessori classroom for a day. I was very very impressed, but I have three questions.
1.
There doesn't seem to be any opportunities for pretend play
2.
The materials don't seem to allow children to be creative
3.
Children don't seem to be interacting with another very much
Any help you give me would be appreciated. Thank you very much, BD
A. Dear BD, I can give you three very incomplete answers to your perceptive questions:
(1) When Dr. Montessori opened the first Children's House it was full of pretend play things. The children never played with them as long as they were allowed to do real things - i.e. cooking instead of pretending to cook. It is still true.
(2) the materials teach specific things and then the creativity is incredible. Like learning how to handle a good violin and then playing music. It is not considered "creative" to use a violin as a hammer, or a bridge while playing with blocks. We consider it "creative" to learn how to use the violin properly and then create music. The same goes for the materials in a Montessori classroom.
(3) there is as much interaction as the children desire, but the tasks are so satisfying that, for these few hours a day, children want to master the challenges offered by them. Then they become happier and kinder�true socialization. Also, since concentration is protected above all, as all "work" is respected, children learn early on not to interrupt someone who is concentrating.
This is from The Montessori Website, btw.
I bet I would be able to tell which kids were Montessori and which weren't out of a group. The social skills and PLAY skills are so important. Oftentimes teaching kids how to play and pretend is the first step in speech therapy because it is a well researched fact that symbolic play (pretend) and language development go hand in hand. It has to do with the process of representing and presupposing things in your mind. For example, pretending a banana is a telephone. The child *knows* that the banana is really a banana, but uses the shape of it to presuppose that it *could* be a telephone. That is a huge cognitive task!
I have always heard negative things about Montessori from educators whom I respect. From what I read on the website I am very opposed to it personally. I think a developmentally appropriate preschool (DAP), which is very much play-based, is the way to go. Of course, all just my opinion. 
I just read some of the other entries, and I agree with both Mrsheidi and Reds and their summary of Montessori programs. I felt it was a "structured" for a preschooler in the sense there was a definite way to carry out the chosen jobs. The children are shown how to set the job up, carry it out, and complete it. The teachers demonstrate this, usually at circle time. Like mosts preschools, the child has a time during the session to choose his or her activities. Often they would work alone...but they were allowed to pair up. My problem arose when the child would choose to deviate from the proper use of the "job" and simply start playing, I chose to look the other way. Yet, this school asked that the teachers redirect them back to the original task. Certainly good for teaching children to follow directions and stay on task, but I also love to see children use their imaginations.
Oh dear...I think this is more than you were asking for! I will stop talking. Lol...
My older daughter did not go to preschool. My younger one did, since Grandma and Grandpa thought she needed more interaction with other kids and were willing to foot the bill. She went to a preschool at the church across the street and loved it. It was 2 hours a day, 3 days a week. She would have liked it to be longer.
Sarah's first kindergarten conference, the teacher asked me if she had been to preschool. I said no. The teacher said that at first, she could tell that, but by November, when the conference was, she was already doing fine. She is a high honor roll student and in National Honor Society now.
Emily is a high honor roll student, too. I did a lot of stuff with my kids when they were little. If Grandma and Grandpa hadn't offered to pay for it, I probably wouldn't have sent Emily to preschool, but she did have fun.
(Goofy kid. Every week, they had to bring an object from the letter of the alphabet, for show and tell. I was lamenting that she hadn't brought anything for "Q". She had a duck with her. She told me, "quack!" I felt so dumb! The kid was smarter than I was!)
Ditto Pamt so completely! Seeing red, too! I can't believe the info you listed from the website. "Playing" is sooo cognitive!
I know this isn't a debate, but thanks Pam for sharing that website info. It's bringing things back to me now about my observations in Montessori.
We looked into the Montessori method and preschools when my oldest was younger. I had always heard that it was the most desirable preschool to get into in this area. We observed a friend's child who was in class there, and were so surprised to see them "working" at tasks so seriously, so individually. There simply wasn't the joy that I expect to see in a group of children. There wasn't even pride in the jobs they were doing, just acknowledgement that they were done and then moving onto the next task. The teachers were loving and cheerful but VERY intent on keeping the children on the tasks they'd chosen.
We ended up not putting my dd in preschool and thought we would homeschool. This didn't work out for our family and my ds was in preschool (public school) and my younger dd will be in preschool this fall. We considered not having our youngest in preschool but she has trouble taking turns and not speaking out of turn. I'd rather give her an extra year to learn these ideas in an environment that is understanding and forgiving of this, than have her start Kindy thinking the classroom would revolve around her.
Preschool isn't necessary. 25% of the kids around her never have been to preschool and this is Long Island, New York in one of the best school district in the country. Alot of parents can't afford preschool. It is silly expensive. And the coop preschools require parental help which is hard if you have more than one child.
I would have send John to montessori in a minute. (before I read the above reviews.) I don't know too much about it. They learn at their own pace. figure things out themselves alot. Simple toys that teach. Sounds fine. I think I would pick montessori preschool over no preschool. It is very popular around here.
We loved one of the jewish preschools. We aren't Jewish either. 50% of the kids in johns preschool weren't jewish. They all had better facilities and had five days a week classes.
If there is any delay I think preschool is necessary. I think if john didn't have a delay we would have had him in preschool 3 half days a week. or 5 half days. We ended up doing 5 - 3/4 days. It helped him.
No, I think preschool is definitely not necessary. I think too many people around this area use it simply as a babysitter. As soon as they turn 3, or even 2 in some areas, they are talking about sending them to school. What??!!!
I didn't send either of my children to preschool. My daugther is very outgoing, and loves people, loves to make friends, and is a straight A student. She studies hard, she plays harder. And she loves to sing in front of big groups. So I really don't see that preschool could have taught her anything she didn't learn from home and Kindy.
As far as teaching your child on his/her own, it is smart to teach them the ABC's and even how to basically write the letters. Not perfectly. Just the concept of each letter. Also, how to write and spell their first name. They should learn their phone number (not necessarily how to write it), and their address (to tell someone). I would also make sure they could count to ten, maybe play around with working on recognizing colors.
The point is, you don't want to teach them TOO much, or they will be bored in Kindy while everyone else is having to take the time to learn everything. I taught the above basics, but left everything else, such as phonics, learning to read, learning to add and take away numbers, and such, to the teacher.
Ashton still got bored with Kindy! He is so excited about being in first grade and learning new and "real" stuff, as he says.
Ashton did go to a 2 hour a day, 3 days a week program that highschool students, who wanted to be preschool teachers, or daycare providers had as part of their school curriculum. Their was also a "real" teacher present. Ashton really enjoyed this, but they didn't actually teach them anything, so maybe it was more like a play group. They did have to sit on the floor for story time, sit at the table to do an art project, learn the proper way to sit at the table and eat snack, and learn how to play together, etc.
Anyhow, if you can't get your child into preschool, it is no big deal. They will be going to school soon enough, and that is mandatory (whether you homeschool or send to regular school). There's really nothing in preschool that they can't get at home except for the socialization. And they can pick that up really quickly in kindy if they don't get that at home already!
I wouldn't say it is necessary, but it is very helpful. They learn stuff in kindergarten these days, that I learned in first and second grade.
By the time they get into kindergarten they should know their letters, numbers, and how to hold a pencil and write. They are now learning to read in kindergarten. They do of course review the letters and numbers, but i think it is a good idea for the kids to know this before kindergarten, so they are not behind the children who do know this already.
If you can teach your child these things on your own and if they are around children enough to get the socialization thing down, then no, i guess your child does not need to go to preschool.
we sent all of ours except the oldest only reason being they didn't have good preschool but we did send the others. our dd was heald back in kindergarten and that was the best thing for her. and starting 1st now she can read exceptionaly well for her age and has a nice had writing. as for pre-k I think it depends on the child if they want to go and seem excited about it send them they get that away time from Moms and home.and get to enteract with other children there age
Yes and no. Kindergarten is no longer the place where you start to learn. These days you are expected to know your ABC's, counting, some sight words, a little phonics, name/address/phone number, how to sit during circle time, relate to peers upon entering. So if you are willing and able to teach your child that, preschool isn't necessary. If you are also able to take care of your child's socialization needs, then preschool isn't necessary.
Can't imagine that they wouldn't get "pretend play" at home, if your child went to Montessori?
I did see a lot of imagination being presented in the classroom...different ways to solving problems, if you will.
I just think that some preschools treat learning as, "Can you glue?" "Can you cut?" and I was SHOCKED to see that my cousin's child, after 2 years of preschool, was never taught his letters. He was SO behind in Kindy. I found it appalling.
And, at Montessori, they had plenty of play time outside and they really enjoyed themselves!! I'm sure that, if they didn't like it, their parents would not have them in the program. IMHO.
I would check with your local school district. Ask them what they expect an incoming kindergartner to be able to do. Also, if you know parents in the area, ask them their opinions. I know in our district the incoming K classes are expected to be able to do a whole slew of skills that most schools wouldn't require until the end of K or beginning of 1st grade. Parents who have moved into the district right before K, end up holding their kids back because they weren't prepared enough.
Could your nanny do some learning activities with him? Buy some CDs and start learning on the computer. You can get workbooks at Wal-Mart. There are tons of sights on the internet that allow you to download worksheets. The best thing is to get him used to being on some kind of a schedule like they would in kindergarten. That's a huge adjustment for kids.
I think as long as you know what the school expects out of your child, you can teach him at home. The socialization and discipline parts of it are what nails most kids. Examples: Being able to follow directions, listening, understanding the class has a certain schedule to follow, realizing they aren't the center of attention in that room like they are at home, not being mean to others, etc.
Heidi- I know what you mean about preschool, I just think you have to be choosey. You have to check out the curriculum. Keep in mind though that even though pasting and cutting seem like mindless activities (and can be if that's all they are doing) they are also ways of building fine motor skills, carrying out multi-step directions, and watching a project completed from start to finish.
With regard to other things posted about Montessori, many of you said it better than I did. My friend's children just do not seem happy. They are not imaginative, are very work oriented, and I can't imagine any of them doing anything where 'pretend' is involved. Same goes for the students I've had from Montessori.
Heidi, I think many Montessori parents expect their children to "perform" at a certain level, often at a maturity level that isn't developmentally appropriate. And children that start this at age two are going to be happy in most programs, simply because they don't know any differently. Yes, pretend play should be happening at home, but it should also be encouraged in small groups and spontaneous play, not redirected into the chosen task. Pretend play isn't just a problem solving method. It is a chance for children to experiment with different roles, to try different things, to develop their creative minds. And my feeling is that learning the ABC's and colors is just as much a parental responsibility as a school's. If your cousin's child didn't know their letters at age 4 or 5 (two years of preschool), my thought is that the parents have dropped the ball, not just the school. I am not beating down Montessori. Obviously, we liked some aspects of it well enough to look into it for our dd. I just think that it has gotten a reputation, deserved or not, of being the "best" preschool and many parents don't really know what the Montessori method is.
I have one friend and one SIL that sent their kids to Montessori school at one time or another. I think you either love them or they are not for you. I do think it is a very different way of doing things. I can say that from the way I have heard both of them talk about it and the results I have seen in their kids and the transition it took them from going there to a regular school, it is not something that I would chose to do with my child. But I am sure some of the choices that I made with dd wouldn't appeal to them either. It is all in your style and what works for you and your child.
Is preschool necessary? I don't think so, but I do think it is a great tool. The preschool that dd went to wasn't huge in "teaching" things such as letter and number and colors and all of that, but dd did learn valuable lessons there that prepaired her for K. Part of the reason I picked the preschool that I did was exactly for that reason! We worked with dd on all of that, so it wasn't necessary for the preschool to do it. The things like learning respect for teachers and following directions and class rules and learning how to act at story and circle time and snack time and how to get along with classmates were all things that I couldn't really teach her and they did. So I felt she was very well rounded and very ready for K.
I will also say that I helped alot in her class in K and you could VERY much tell which kids had some preschool and which kids didn't. But that was mostly at the beginning of the school year. I would say by Christmas break, those that didn't go to preschool pretty much had the class routine down. But it was some of those kids that had a harder time adjusting to K too. Two of the kids cried daily for at least two months. I also heard many times some of the parents say they wished they would have sent them to a preschool. I never heard anyone say they wished they wouldn't have.
So, I don't think that preschool is a must by any stretch, but I do think they have alot to offer!!
Emily's preschool definitely taught letters. They had a little song "I'm a hungry little worm and if you'll play with me, we'll "something" through the alphabet all the way from a to z!"
Then it went through the alphabet. Each letter, they brought a show-and-tell object that started with that letter and made another portion of the worm, so by the end of the year, the "worm" was 26 letters long! We also got a tape of the kids singing the little song! LOL!
Deanna, yes, I *totally* understand fine motor skills and in fact, some kids are so discouraged at that age in that area. Many need help. I'm sure that Montessori doesn't exclude cutting/pasting and fine motor skill practice.
I just think that, with today's pressures on school (and public school at that), they will feel so behind if they don't know their abc's, phonics, etc. Especially with the "No Child Left Behind Act"...don't get me started on that!! LOL
And, Tink, my cousin was paying good money for a preschool and yes, I believe she just was uninformed...did WE need to know as much as they are being pressured to know? Heck no. And, yes, I believe if you're paying $ for a pre-SCHOOL, they should keep up their end of the deal. It's a SCHOOL, not a babysitting joint.
All in all, and this coming from a teacher, it's the parents' responsibilities to teach things from the home. Everything has to be reinforced there.
On a side note, I *really* liked that Montessori has a very low teacher/student ratio. I'm a HUGE fan of that...they had 10 kids per 2 teachers. Not every school can do that, but if you are a working mom and you can afford that attention, then kids can really benefit from that.
Thanks for the good roundup of opinions. I'll stay on the waitlist but I won't fret about it. I was panicking, because I thought preschool was somehow required. There's a nearby Montessori school that I was considering as an alternative to the other one, purely based on location/proximity, but I don't think Montessori is quite right for Jack's temperment.
I think I'll call the kindergarten that he will (hopefully!) attend next year and see what they recommend he should know before kindergarten. Then we'll teach him that, and keep putting him into the sports and art community programs so he can interact with other kids.
And, who knows - he's #2 on the waitlist, so maybe something will open up this year!
OK- I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I feel that preschool should be publicized. I feel it is SOOOOO important. My kids both went/go to preschool. I do work, but if I didn't I would still send them. As a former Kindergarten teacher, I have to say that it is VERY obvious which kids have been to preK and which have not. Also the QUALITY of the preK is also important. As far as early intervention goes (of which I am also a big advocate), I can't tell you how important a quality preschool experience is. We were able to catch my son's issues at age 4 and start intervening early only because he was in preschool. We would never have known until mid Kindergarten had we waited to send him to a group experience. I also want to say that my position is not for the academic benefits- it is for the social/emotional ones. I feel that is so important. With the demands that are being placed on schools now- play is what is getting cut. It's a shame- but it's reality.
As a former K teacher myself Lauram, I agree that you can definitely tell which students have been to preschool. Without a doubt. The whole social aspect is what's important....the routine, the teacher, rules, getting along with others, the list goes one.
Glad to see this post, and replies. Alissa will be starting 1/2 day Pre K on Monday. This is the 1st year for this program in our school district.
There is 10 students per class, they also have an aide for each class so I think thats a nice size.
Alissa isn't to sure of the whole idea but I am sure she will be fine. I won't be but she will
It isn't necessary, but I didn't do it because I wanted a babysitter. I did it because I felt like she was eager to learn and enjoyed being in a structured environment. She learned a lot. She learned to read before she turned 5 and she also learned a ton of Spanish too. I was so impressed with what she learned. My other 4 year old started last week and she loves it. I wouldn't have it any other way.
When my DD entered Kindergarten last fall she had not attended pre-school and the teacher told me she would have never known. My DD had no trouble fitting into the school routine or socializing and she was far ahead of most of her class in school skills. I didn't feel that it was necessary to send her since she participated in activities outside our home for socialization and we did a lot of learning activities at home before she entered Kindergarten. I am now doing the same thing with my youngest DD this year. I am actually so tired of the people who keep questioning why I have not sent my girls to pre-school-at this point I've decided to just say that I am "home-schooling" my 4 yr. old.
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