The way I have always worked school nights is that no one goes out on school nights unless it directly relates to school. The younger kids go out and play after homework until dinner. The teen wants to go out and hang with her friends....running around. I don't think she needs to be out every night. She does stay out later on basketball nights and stagecraft nights, or sometimes goes to other school events. We are having a huge debate over this one. What are your rules?

By Jann on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 09:45 am:

No hanging out here unless it's church or scouts related.

By Kernkate on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 10:20 am:

I also agree, during school they do not need to be out everynight.
When Tom was in highschool,he played soccer in the fall, that was practice everyday after school, games 2-3x's a week. So he would come home after that and do his homework. And didn't go out much.
When soccer ended he might to go a basketball game during the week and that was it.
I myself would not allow him out everynight, he always had alot of homework and he knew it had to be done.
I learned with Tom you just have to set the rules, talk them over and let them know they have to follow them.
Teens aren't easy all the time, but they still have to realize there are rules to follow.
Best of luck

By Mrsheidi on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 10:39 am:

Geez...I gave too much homework as a teacher to picture any of my teens having that much time to go out during the week.
Are there any extracurricular things she could do? Something that she is interested in? Clubs, etc? I've been around teenagers enough to know that "hanging out" can lead to them thinking that socializing is more important than school, extracurricular activities, and family. They just don't know how to budget their time correctly after a while, so you have every right to be worried.
Kids will always push whatever boundaries you set...if you say it's ok to have 1 night out, they want 2...if you say 2, they want 3. The nature of the beast...

By Kaye on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 11:42 am:

When growing up I wasn't really allowed to hang out during the week. BUT I was an avid tennis player and could go to the courts every day. I had to be home by dark. I think in general that is how I will be with my kids, let them do whatever their interest is, after homework, before dark. I also was only allowed to go out either friday or saturday night with friends. If we had a game on one night on occasion I could go out the next, but not often.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 12:16 pm:

I was always opposed to "hanging out". Teens together in a group with no adult supervision and no purpose other than "hanging out", in a mall or on a street corner or in a park, is, in my opinion, a recipe for trouble. All it takes is one teen who hasn't been well raised or is in rebellion to suggest something just a bit over the edge and dare the others to do it, and then a bit more, and a bit more ..... I never allowed "hanging out". You were either at home or a school or church related event on school nights (nights when you had school the next morning). And on weekends you either had a specific destination and purpose and the names of specific people you were going to be with, or you didn't go. My sons knew that once in a while I would check up on them - Hey, Mary, my son tells me he is going to see (movie) with your John and some other kids, just checking up. And heaven help the child if Mary didn't know anything about it. For parties, they knew that I would sometimes call the party house a couple of hours after the party was supposed to start to (a) be sure a parent was on deck and (b) my child was on deck.

But then, I'm the mom who went searching for her AWOL son when he came to Sunday School but wasn't in church 3 Sundays in a row. I found him at the pool table in the back of a ratty convenience store a few blocks from church, with several of his friends from Sunday School (but I was the only parent who went searching). Came up behind him and said "Hi, son", just as he was taking his shot. The message that followed was you don't use church as a social group - if you come to Sunday School to be with your friends, you come to church. No church, no Sunday School, because that's cheating - not paying your dues, so to speak. He, and his friends, were prominently in the last row on the first floor for the next two years (before then they sat in the balcony, in the back).

I'm obviously with you, Kim. Teens have such busy schedules, most of the time they don't get enough sleep or enough rest anyhow. They don't need to be "hanging out" at any time, least of all on a school night.

By Colette on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 01:01 pm:

How do they have time with all the homework to hang out? School nights are for homework, extracurricular school related activities and karate.

By Jewlz on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 01:02 pm:

double ditto Ginny my kids had the same rules!lol and bless the kid that says but so and so moms let her do it. or im old enough to be trusted ... yeah and so is the devil. kids have to be guided thru life and not given alot of freedom to make unwise decisions tho the freedom they do have they have to earn and use wisely.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 03:33 pm:

Haven't read all the responses, but my rules for high school were, *if* all homework and chores were done, the kids could go out *if* they were going somewhere specific. Or they could be at a friend's house, or the friend at our house, and the curfew (on school nights) was 9 PM.

Obviously, when they got to be seniors, I relaxed the rules quite a bit, as both were working P.T., and they had more activities, were more responsible, etc.

Every kid is different, every situation is different. I think you need to consider what the specifics are in your case, ie. age, grade, activities, the friends involved, maturity, responsibility, etc.

By Jann on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 05:27 pm:

Not really school night related, but it is teen related! LOL Another thing we do, when they are out and about with friends, they have to call from a land line whenever they change locations. They have cell phones, but with a land line, I can insure that they are really where they say they are. Also, if I can't reach them on their cell phone they lose priveledges.

By Annie2 on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 06:05 pm:

My 14 year old dd started high school last week. She will be aloud to do her afterschool sport and maybe a church youth group activity every once in a while. (Not our church but friend's church with a good program). She has a friend across the street, a year younger. She can go over there after homework is finished after dinner until dark.

She has to be at the bus at 6:30 so I am trying to have her get her work done BEFORE bedtime so she is rushing through it.

I agree with the statements above. Limited activities during the week and "destination" activities only...weekday and weekend.

Bigger the kid...bigger the problems. I never really "GOT" this statement until my kids started becoming teens! UUGhhh, I wish I could roll the clock back and ONLY have to deal with the potty chair or missed nap! LOL

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 07:21 pm:

Jann, I agree with the calling from a land line! That's where caller ID really comes in handy!

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, August 14, 2005 - 08:51 pm:

My 16 yo has usually had too much homework, to be just hanging with friends. She had occasional activities during the week, related to being confirmed last year and lots of stuff with the school band. Those things kept her pretty busy, too.

Her confirmation mentor person, was injured in a bad accident last year (much better now), but was bedridden for a while. So, once she was feeling better, Sarah spent a few afterschool afternoons-evenings at their house getting caught up on the confirmation activities. It also happened to be the house of one of her best friends, too. Of course, I knew where she was and who she was with, too.

Sarah hasn't really pushed the limits yet. As of last school year, good grades were a priority and she made sure she got her homework done.

By Kim on Monday, August 15, 2005 - 06:58 am:

I also have dd call when she changes locations, but some of her friends don't have a land line! Good idea though. I am sticking to my guns. I may let her go to her GFs that live in the neighborhood for a bit, but that's it. I am sticking to my guns. She wanted to go hang out at a pool hall last night! NOT!

Colette, I am very fortunate. My kisd have good grades and finish a lot of their homework at school. They know that they can't do anything if they have homework.

Pretty soon she will be managing volleyball and then starting basketball, so ho[pefully that will solve the problem.

Thanks for all your input!