How old were your children when you taught them...
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2005:
How old were your children when you taught them...
how to cut their meat?
to pick up their plates and put them in the sink/dishwasher?
say please/thank you?
chew with their mouths closed?
hold their spoon/fork in the proper position?
how to play by themselves?
Can you tell that my little brother just left? Now, don't get me wrong...he's actually pretty good for an 8 1/2 year old (he's very loving, intelligent, and obedient), but man, I *really* got tired of listening to his mouth when he chewed his food. He eats like a caveman, hardly ever said "May I..?" Instead, he just said "I need milk!" at the table. Maybe I would understand if you are at home, but he was a guest in someone's home. Plus, I could barely get him to play xbox by himself for 30 minutes while I did some housework. We did a LOT of things together...spelling, math, reading, tie dying, friendship bracelets, and I even watched some cartoons with him! We also went on a lot of field trips, within the 2 hours I had in between Connor's nap times. And, a children's museum on the weekend.
Maybe I'm just ridiculously tired. Boy, having 2 kids is HARD!!! I applaud all mothers who have more than 1 child!! 
And, just to note, we *did* teach him how to eat properly and he did just fine...it just took a while for him to make it a habit. Maybe I have unrealistic standards and need to chill out!! LOL!
I don't think you have unrealistic standards at all! I have 7 nephews and 1 niece, all between the ages of 5 and 11, and even the youngest ones can do these things because SOMEONE HAS TAUGHT THEM HOW.
Sounds like you worked really hard for him to have a good time. You should be tired!
I don't make Dylan say "May I..." I usually just ask that he say Please and Thank You. I do make him clear his plate and he also has to chew with his mouth closed and he can't talk if he has food in his mouth. I try to get him to play by himself for at least an hour a day but he usually follows me around and want's to do what I am doing.
Now, he is only 4 1/2 so I do have to remind him to clear the table but pretty much everything else he remembers.
And yes, more than one is exhausting! LOL When DD takes a nap I play with Dylan or clean the house. (or check my e-mails and MV. LOL) I don't get a moment to myself until DH comes home and Taylor goes to bed. But I wouldn't have it any other way!!!
My 10-year-old cannot cut meat or hold a utensil (or pencil) correctly. 9 months of OT couldn't even help him or teach him. Fine motor skills are just hard for him. He can do the other things for the most part, but not consistently.
My youngest is four and all of my kids clear their places, chew with their mouths closed, say please and thank you, although they don't always use May I? All of my dks are good at keeping themselves entertained but my oldest does tend to stick nearby so that she can help with anything. That's just her personality and is quite a bit of help, now that she is older. All of my kids also can use their fork and spoon correctly. My oldest is 8yo and she is the only one that is cutting her own meat.
I don't think that your expectations are totally out of line. Maybe a few of them are a little high, but most of those things are safe to expect from a child your brother's age. I think it really does depend on what he's been taught at home.
Glad to hear you survived!
My kids are 7 and almost 9. They are capable of doing all those things but sometimes need reminders.
My dks are 5 & 7 and they can do those things. But, like Trina said, they do have to be reminded sometimes. I will say that my 5 yr. old is not very good about playing by himself. I think it is just his personality. He likes having people around.
how to cut their meat? my dh still does this for my kids! LOL
to pick up their plates and put them in the sink/dishwasher? since they began sitting at the 'big' table
say please/thank you? without nagging ;)
chew with their mouths closed? without nagging ;)
hold their spoon/fork in the proper position? again, without nagging ;)
how to play by themselves? my oldest seems like from the beginning. my youngest maybe 5 or even older (she prefers being with people)
Mine never say May I, but they always ask for something with a please. No demanding statements. And they use thank you regularly.
They chew with their mouths closed, and take their dishes back to the sink when they are finished. My five year old does this much better than my eight year old. She just is so scatterbrained sometimes. She has to be reminded of things all the time. But that's okay, because that's who she is. Aggravating sometimes? Definitely!!!
Neither cut their food up themselves at home, though my eight year old can and does at school. I still get their plates of food for them, so I go ahead and cut their meat for them if it is something like steak. She does take care of things like thin porkchops herself. I still don't like her handling a knife herself yet.
My son has always played by himself. However, I was very sick when he was a baby going through the toddler years, so he learned to play by himself. My dd, the eight year old, wants constant companionship. She grew up with one as a toddler, though (grandpas babysat her!). It is also her personality to want to play with others, not entertain herself. Now, she CAN and DOES entertain herself regularly, because we have trained her into doing this, and because she is getting older. But her personality makes her want to be with someone. This is difficult in our house because she always wants to play with her brother, and lots of times he wants to play by himself and his imagination.
As far as the guest in someone's house thing goes, maybe he is just so comfortable with you since you are his sister, and doesn't feel he is a guest, therefore not using the may I and other manners as much as he would at someone's house. I know that my children feel extra comfortable at their grandparents' houses, and at my sister's house and would not resort to the special manners used when a guest. They still use manners, but their "comfortable manners" if that makes any sense.
Timmy is 7 and has always used manners it is a must. Please and thank you from the time he could talk. He clears his plate and has been for a while.
Jade is 17 months and now uses Thank you allot. She says please sometimes but remembers thank you allot easier so will use that in place of thank you. It is cute. She also puts her cup in the sink at night before bed. She knows where it goes. She is now starting to put her toys away at night (with out help). She is also learning where to put her dirty cloths when we take them off of her.
No, you have not set the bar too high. My son is 3 1/2 and does all of the above, except cutting his own meat. He still has a bit of trouble with a fork and spoon, but that's a fine motor issue. He still manages quite well.
To echo, Fiona, glad you made it through.
Just think of the impact you've had on this child's life in the short time he's been with you!
And two, when they are well behaved and secure, are not that much different than just one.
Ame
how to cut their meat? She's only 2, can't do that yet.
to pick up their plates and put them in the sink/dishwasher? She does it occasionally but I don't enforce it yet. She usually does it by herself anyways.
say please/thank you? For a few months now, along with yes ma'am and no ma'am.
chew with their mouths closed? She's always done that.
hold their spoon/fork in the proper position? She's still learning. Almost has it completely down.
how to play by themselves? She will for about 30 minutes.
I just want to point out that we shouldn't be so quick to assume poor parenting. Kids will be kids and will display negative behaviors despite the fact they have been taught differently. No one is perfect and it's part of the learning process. I have experienced this both as a teacher and as a parent.
HHhhmmm...I've visited their place recently...he does it at home too and I've never seen them try to correct him. (I think that is what drove my DH nuts...the kid NEVER thanked Scott for anything and my SM and dad didn't intervene.)
But, like I said, he really is a good kid...I just worried about his table manners. Chewing with your mouth closed should be habit by now?
Heidi, I'm not making specific reference to your little brother, but generally speaking.
Well, for some reason my 7 yr. old has started chewing with his mouth open. He hasn't done it in a long time. I don't know why it has started now. I just give him a reminder when he does it. And, I still have to prompt my dks to say Thank you sometimes.
Yeah, as a teacher and parent, I understand...some kids are just well, kids.
I have a 8 year old (with LOTS of behavior issues) and a 3 year old. Here are my answers:
how to cut their meat? 8 year old does, 3 year old- not yet
to pick up their plates and put them in the sink/dishwasher? 8 year old does all- with reminders and 3 year old clears and scrapes- with reminders
say please/thank you? both- with reminders
chew with their mouths closed? 8 year old- with reminders (I'm just happy the 3 year old sits at the table- you have to pick your battles)
hold their spoon/fork in the proper position? both hold them- I'm not sure how "properly" though. It gets the job done, though. I've taught some of the manners to the 8 year old, but don't require it at this point- it's too hard fine motor-wise.
how to play by themselves? 8 year old NEVER has been able to do this (has ADHD); 3 year old has done it since he was about 18 mo. Not so sure this is a "learned skill" though.... I think it might be more of a developmental thing- like the fine motor skills.
As a parent, especially if the child has issues, you have to pick your battles. In my opinion, it's not a good idea to jump all over them for things that they can aquire when they are more able to learn these skills.... Just offering another perspective. It's important not to judge parents. I know I am constantly judged- especially about my 8 year old. Ya know what my answer is- "I'm doing the best I can."
Cutting meat? No, she still doesn't cut meat by herself. She has started to show a little interest in doing it by herself, but I'm in no rush.
Plates to dishwasher or sink? No, she doesn't wash her own plate. She will sometimes help clear. Also, she does help me load the dishwasher, so I don't make a big deal about clearing the table. She helps a little. She also sets the table usually, so that's fine with me. We all help clear.
please and thank you? We've been working on that since she could talk and I don't think that will change. I give lots of gentle reminders.
chew with mouth closed? Actually, I don't know if this comes up much with us. I haven't paid much attention. We usually comment if she talks with food in her mouth. Although, she reminds us too!
Playing by herself? My DD is an only child at the moment, so she has always been wonderful about playing by herself. She is perfectly content playing in her room alone and always has been.
I dont let the 8 and 4 yo cut their own meat, if it is steak not the 11 yo either. I expect everyone but the 4 yo to clear their plate, the little guy is too short not to drop the plate into the sink and break everything in it. Please and thankyou is expected from everyone and usually is done w/out reminding except the 8 yo in regards to food. Would like all of them to close their mouth more often when eating, have trouble keeping them from attacking their food like a bunch of wolves especially the 8 yo. Playing by themselves, not a problem at our house, mostly cause there is always somebody around that will want to do what you want to do.
how to cut their meat? She's only 19 months so she can't do that yet.
to pick up their plates and put them in the sink/dishwasher? Not yet
say please/thank you? She's been saying this since she turned 1
chew with their mouths closed? She does ok for now
hold their spoon/fork in the proper position? She just started feeding herself with them. She's doing great!!!
how to play by themselves? She does this all the time.
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