Is it normal for your ped to go over discipline strategies with you if you don't ask or have concerns? We had our 12mth. check-up this week and after going over how to use the word 'no' and redirect (which we already know, I'm an early childhood educator!!!) his words were ,"So for our 15mth. visit, you guys need to sit down and talk about what your method of discipline will be, spanking or time-out, and I'll help you implement whatever you decide at that time." He also said that he doesn't agree with hand smacking but spanking is fine and time out.
My dh was offended. (Keep in mind, we don't LOVE our ped's personality anyway, although he seems to be a good medical doctor)Dh thinks that if we ask for suggestions or help on discipline issues, then ped offers help, otherwise it's not really his concern. I tend to agree, but I'm just thinking that this is what he's *supposed* to be talking with us about at this point, you know? I'm not sure I really want to sit down and discuss my discipline strategies with him unless we need help. We think we're doing just fine and have ideas for how we will handle discipline situations in the future, although we're not making a set 'plan' because we will see what works for her when the time comes.

Do your peds talk to you about this with your toddlers without being asked? Do they say similar things to you? We have comtemplated changing peds multiple times for various reasons, and this is just one more. Is it normal?

By Reeciecup on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 11:27 am:

I don't believe this is normal. My dd is 6 and has had all her well child yearly check ups and her ped has never brought up discipline methods. I would be offended and I'm not sure I could have kept my dh from telling the ped exactly what he thought of the doctor. Good luck with your decision.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 11:40 am:

Our ped never brought up the discipline subject with us. I've never heard of anyone who has had that experience. If you don't like your ped, find a new one! This is who will be caring for your sick kids until they are *grown*. I think it's important to have a good relationship with, and like your ped.

By Mommmie on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 11:48 am:

When my then 2 yr old son had a wall-eyed fit at the foot of his 70-year-old pedi, we talked about discipline strategies at length. I think it's totally appropriate for a pedi to bring up these things esp since there's this perception that kids are becoming out of control. Maybe he's seen the Nanny shows and he's trying to be proactive and give guidance to the parents when the kids are very young. It does sound like you are not happy with your pedi for several reasons though and I would switch.

By Reds9298 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 11:52 am:

Yikes! My dh will say "See I told you!" I didn't think it was the ped's job to talk about this unless we asked either, but I've worked with so many parents who simply don't have a clue that I was giving him the benefit of the doubt that he was just 'covering' things. It's more like his attitude that we don't like...he's arrogant, but very good repoir with dd, very good. It seems like he is somehow always negative in a very subtle way.
You're right Karen....we've asked around and every referral contradicts the next one. I think we should seriously switch because in general we do feel a uncomfortable and you're right, we SHOULDN'T feel that way. After every visit there's always something we discuss that we didn't like about him.

By Debbie on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 11:54 am:

I have had different ped. since we have moved a few times and none have them have mentioned discipline without me asking. At their well checkups we talked more about the milestones they were suppose to be at and their eating, sleeping, etc.

It sounds like you are just not comfortable with your ped. I would definitely look into finding a new one.

By Kaye on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 12:07 pm:

Through moving I have had several peds. One had a list of things to ask about at each age visit. On that list was discipline, as is wearing bike helmets, booster seats, etc. I think it is great that he would say, NOW is the time to make a plan, not so great to tell you his views and beliefs, but to offer you help, advice woudl have been okay.

However, if you dont' like him, you need a new doc, if something goes wrong you will never trust him.

By Emily7 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 12:30 pm:

We have a very close relationship with our ped & she discusses these things with us. I know she goes over it with all of the parents & I appreciate the suggestions. I figure I can take them if I want to, several of her suggestions are very helpful. I just assumed it was gone over just like the milestones.

By Eve on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 12:57 pm:

Our pediatrician will give advice about discipline as well. I'm always glad to hear a new idea or technique, but he also gives his opinions very gently. I don't feel forced upon. I never feel any pressure. He was the first person to really give me any advice of that nature, so it was very welcome! Also, it's not a huge discussion, it would just be "She may be wanting to touch everything, so just try redirecting her..." Spanking has never been discussed. I don't think I would be offended.

When we asked about having our DD's ears pierced, he personally didn't believe in it, but he was very nice about it. I'm still the parent. Take it with a grain of salt, as with all advice. If it really bothers you, tell them you don't want to discuss discipline or switch Dr.'s.

By Reds9298 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 01:01 pm:

Eve, that's what I originally thought..."I'm only taking out of this what I want so I don't really care what he says". Mommmie, I also thought the same thing and that is one point I made to my dh. Especially because I have worked with so many parents like that.
I sooo think we should switch peds though.

By Emily7 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 01:07 pm:

I agree you should switch...something in your mommy instinct doesn't like him for a reason.

By Missmudd on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 01:31 pm:

If you dont like him there is nothing keeping you from changing, and if after every visit you have a problem w/ something he says or does then this isnt a good fit for your family. Our ped which we have had for 10 yrs hasnt ever done anything formal, more like "is he acting up", and some stratigies to combat the terrible 2,3,6,9,11,13's....

By Happynerdmom on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 01:35 pm:

Definitely switch. If you really liked and trusted your ped, I don't think you would have been offended by his bringing up discipline issues. Eve's ped sounds like ours, in that advice is given gently, but given nonetheless. You really need to find someone you're comfortable with.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 04:12 pm:

Unless your child exhibited a discipline problem at the ped's office, I do think it is unusual, to say the least (though I haven't been in a ped's office for a looooong time). Given that you are already not happy with him, I would switch. There are lots of very well qualified (medically) pediatricians out there, and you should be able to find one you are more comfortable with.

When we moved to Phila I was referred to a specific pediatrician, because my oldest had learning problems (Aspergers, diagnosed as "pre autistic"). He was a very, very good doctor, but after I saw one of his partners in an emergency visit, I asked if it would create problems if I switched because I was much more comfortable with the other guy - and we switched, no problem.

And I have problems with a pediatrician who openly says he has no problems with spanking. I know there are widely differing views on this board, and I did spank for a while when my kids were young, but I would not expect a pediatrician to give open approval to spanking, given today's climate.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 04:14 pm:

Thinking about this some more, I am urging you to think seriously about changing pediatricians. Because if one of those "gee, I'm not sure if there is something wrong or not but I'm a little worried" problems arise and you are not comfortable with this doctor, you may well put off taking your child in - and might be sorry for it later. Better to have a doctor you are thoroughly comfortable with, for those "gee, I don't know" issues if no other.

By Tink on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 06:12 pm:

Our pediatrician has also offered discipline techniques but only as suggestions and never pushed her beliefs onto us. Of course, my dks and I absolutely adore her and she has yet to do anything to make us uncomfortable or irritated. If you are uncomfortable with the pediatrician you are seeing now, I'd suggest changing before it's been any longer. I know I tend to think "well, my child has been seeing them for so long and I'd like them to grow up with the same doctor" and then put things like this off. If you aren't happy with him, you'll be less likely to feel comfortable calling him with questions or taking advice when offered. JMO

By Alonewith2 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 08:46 pm:

Out of "newbie" curiosity... what is DD and DH and DS please?

By Colette on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 08:57 pm:

dd = dear daughter
dh = dear husband - unless your mad, use your imagination

ds = dear son

By Amecmom on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 10:20 pm:

No! My ped never offered unsolicited discipline advice. Regardless, if you are not comfortable with the ped and do not feel secure telling him your child's deepest darkest secrets, then switch.
Ame