Matt is now 16 months. DH receives a baby newsletter every month and they talked about the word No and how often you say it.

I find myself saying it all the time, "No, no don't touch".

The advice in the newsletter is to try and say what you want the child to do rather than saying what you don't want them to do.

Like instead of saying "No don't open the cupboard". Say "Close the cupboard please".

I use this method sometimes, but now that it has been brought to my attention I realized just how often I say no and am trying to use my words in a better, more constructive way as pretty soon Matt will be saying to me "No, no Mommy".

By Andi on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 10:25 am:

I say No all the time and both my children are happy and healthy!

By Mommmie on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 10:37 am:

I had to stop saying No when my son was a little guy. I would say, "No, don't touch that" and all he'd hear was "Touch That." It was a problem. So I had to reword it like you were saying.

By Kernkate on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 10:38 am:

Over the past 19 years with kids...I must say "no" a bazillion times a day. Just a matter of how you want you kids to understand what you mean I guess.

By Reds9298 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 11:08 am:

I don't say 'don't touch that', just 'no!' in a sharp, harsh tone that sounds different than ANY other tone I use. It's not yelling, just firm. I'll say 'no' 2-3 times at most for one incident, then remove her from the situation and redirect her attention elsewhere. Sometimes it does seem like your saying 'no' all day because they're constantly into things . I think if you keep repeatedly saying 'no' for one incident (like playing with the vcr for instance) and don't do anything about it (like remove from the situation) then saying 'no' is just spinning your wheels. Otherwise it's just part of being little...you hear 'no' alot!

By Kaye on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 12:11 pm:

I read an article one about living in a "yes" environment. Setting things up so when you did use the word no it meant something, not just another word mommy uses a lot.

As a teacher they tell you don't word things negatively, like don't hit. Is always keep your hands to yourself. I use that style with my kids, I tend to say, use walking feet, or lets use an inside voice, or that's a pretty (which means look not touch..lol).

I think it is important to note, we all have preferences or styles that feel right to us and work for our kids. There really isn't a right or a wrong way, or even a better way. I personally like a less negative environment, it makes me feel better, but I do still say NO a lot to one of my kids, because it is what he hears best.

By Eve on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 01:01 pm:

I try to not say "no" all the time as well. Although, I think I am a little rusty. LOL! I just find the benefits are there. It's not easy though!

By Heaventree on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 05:16 pm:

I just brought it up because I think it is important to be conscious of the language we use everyday. If no works for you then I'm ok with that.

Matt likes to climb so instead of saying "No don't do that" I say "Feet on the floor buddy" and he understands me just as well. When he hits I say "Be nice, nice to Mommy" So instead of hitting me, he gives me a big hug.

I guess I just want to develop a as Kay puts it "a less negative environment" and saying no all the time just sounds negative to me. Also it helps me to redirect Matt in a more positive way, he understands that I don't want him climbing he not just hearing the word "No" and not really understanding why I'm saying no.

By Tink on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 05:59 pm:

Although I'm not good at remembering to turn my "don'ts" into "do this instead", it's a proven behavioral technique to change bad behavior. You have to replace the undesirable action with a positive replacement in order to get the most impact and change. Thank you for the reminder to change the way I'm thinking and the things I'm saying to my dks.

By Kim on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 07:58 pm:

Oh boy, just wait until they are 16.....hehehe.....

By Alonewith2 on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 08:26 pm:

I have to say 'no' a lot to my daughter. But I always try to explain to her why she's doing something wrong, or when she gets put into time out, what she did wrong. I don't think she understands what I'm saying so much as it reassures her that there's a reason why mommy says no, and not that I just don't want her to do something she wants to do. Like, for instance: "No, don't climb on that, you will fall and hurt yourself." or "No, don't get into the cabinets because you will pinch your fingers." Like I said, she probably doesn't understand what "you will pinch your fingers" means, there's atleast a reason behind me stopping her than just to displease her.

By Marcia on Friday, July 1, 2005 - 11:37 pm:

I also use redirection. If they only hear no, they won't know what the acceptable alternative is.