Has anyone ever dealt with a bully (girl)?

We are military and just moved into housing, the girl next door seems to have bully qualities. She already has been aggressive, mean bossy, smart mouth, and caught her lying....

The mom says she isn't good with disipline, the dad is in sea trials (in and out). Yesterday she shoved my daughter down, but the girl next door says our daughter shoved her down... No one witnessed it.

No matter what we have to live by them.

By Debbie on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 05:48 pm:

How old is your daughter? It sounds like you are going to have to closely supervise them when they are together. Is she at your house when this is happening? If so, then I would sit down with her and let her know what your house rules are, no hitting, back talk, etc. Then if she breaks these rules, send her home. I had a problem with some kids down the street that had horrible manners. I did this with them and I no longer have any problems. After sending them home a few times, their bad behavior stopped.
If it is happening at this girls house, then you have to decide whether or not you want your daughter to play at their house.

By Heckelmom on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 06:17 pm:

This is the first time that my daughter has had friends in the neighborhood to play with. The first time I let her play without me there. I hesitated at first, then let her play at their house... I now know that until I feel comfortable with this little girls behavior that I will be in the room when they play.

I am baffled by the mom not seeing the problem, my husband and I saw it right away. She warned me from the beginning that her daughter can be bossy. I thought she was on top of the problem with her, since she warned me upfront... but apparently not!

When I approached her about the shoving, she said it wouldn't surprise her that her daughter did that, but since no one was there to see it, she doesn't know the truth. It seems the mom always has an excuse for her.

By Heckelmom on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 06:20 pm:

By the way, she is 6. And not really experienced with different personalities that kids can have. Very accepting to new friends!

The neighbor kid is about 7 1/2.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 06:45 pm:

Yikes. I'd like to hit the MOM upside the head. Sounds like the kid rules the house!

By Feona on Tuesday, June 28, 2005 - 08:34 pm:

I remember when I was little. Some kids are too bad to be around. You have to decide...

I remember there was one girl who ruled another girl and she was as mean and horrible as spit to her. But they were best friends. Aghhh...

By Kaye on Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 10:52 am:

This is a situation you need to be very careful with. It is very easy for kids to learn bullying, but it is also a great time for kids to learn to take advantage of you. Do NOT believe everything your daughter says, hang out and watch her. The real truth usually lies between the two stories. I don't really call this lieing but when you are involved your perception is different. My advice is to hang close by while they play and make sure they are doing okay. It is good for kids to learn to mix with different personalities. You can always explain the social workings of, if she does this, then say I don't like that, and then walk away. Kids that age can still be bossy. I guess what I am saying is she is probably a tougher kid, but this will not be the last tough kids you deal with. And if you start playing she said, he said and always take your dd's side you are asking for more trouble. You do not do your child justice by thinking they are perfect (not that you are now, but in the long run).

By Jann on Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 12:35 pm:

Great advice, Kaye.

By Vicki on Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 01:45 pm:

It is also a great lesson to teach her about peer pressure. This girl can't bully her if she doesn't let her. If she starts being bossy towards her, teach her what to say to the girl to get her to back off. We have a little girl like this in our neighborhood. I have taught dd how to react to her and things to say to her. Dd has come home twice so far, telling this girl that if she can't play nice, dd doesn't want to play with her. She tells her to call her when she is in a better mood!! LOL Dd is 10 now, but this all started when we moved here and she was age 4! So it can be taught that early!

By Heckelmom on Wednesday, June 29, 2005 - 08:08 pm:

Well girls, last night I had a knock at the door. It was the girl next door, she said she needed to talk to us. She said she DID push our daughter down and lied about our daughter pushing her. That are dd didn't do anything wrong.

I know not to play that she said, he said game. But when it comes to shoving, hitting, biting or something a little more serious... I want the parents to be aware.

So today she and another neighborhood girl came over to play... I sat in the room with them and they seemed to be offended that I was there.

I have come to the conclusion the two come over just to play with our dd's toys. I did not like the way they treated her. At one point they were playing with her toys and excluding her from playing along with them. I am assuming some of it has to do with the 1 year or so difference in the age.

The bully girl seems to have this power over the other one. It was very interesting to sit and watch.

Our dd just wants someone to play with... I am trying to teach her that it is not a good thing to try to have a friend like that.

By Amyk on Thursday, June 30, 2005 - 06:56 am:

Perhaps you could get the message to your dd that the bullying has nothing to do with her - and that bully's are sad inside and usually jealous of the kid they are bullying. Can you seek out some other groups of kids for her to play with in your new area? That will empower her if she knows that she doesn't need that bully next door as a friend - that she has plenty of options.

Sounds like you are doing a great job with this situation.

Kudos!

Amy