My 7yr old girl is saying/doing some strange things.......
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My 7yr old girl is saying/doing some strange things.......
I'm hoping it is just a phase that I have never heard of. I remember all sorts of stuff that I did as a kid, but never this.
The last three days, DD has asked "Mom, is it okay if I try a cigarette just to see if I like it?" I don't jump on her and act as if this statement does not send my skin into shivers. I tell her that just one puff can make her choose to do it again and to think about how it effects her body (we go into some details). I tell her that she is in charge of her own body and her own choices and there is nothing I can do to stop her but I REALLY do not want her to ever risk even one puff. I stress that at age 7, NO, SHE MAY NOT TRY IT! I asked her why she is thinking about it, and she is not sure. She just wants to know what all the big fuss is about. DH smoked but quit almost 5 yrs ago now. DD hates the smell of smoking and has always made comments about smokers (which I tell her "it doesn't make them bad people, just what they do is bad" etc.) I am so afraid that she will be the type to start smoking in her early teens now.
The other thing she did was so strange. Last night for bedtime kiss, instead of our little peck on the lips, she gave me a long kiss w/ her head moving back and forth. I immediately turned to my cheek and she kept doing it. I was still surprised. I asked "what are you doing?" she told me "I'm kissing you w/ a Daddy kiss." I explained that those kisses are for Moms and Dads only. I'm her mother and she is my daughter and our kisses are different. She then kissed my arm this way. Is this just normal? Maybe I was just never aware of this when I was a kid. I don't think I ever saw my dad kiss my mom in any other way except a peck to work. I didn't want DD to grow up like me thinking kissing was just too gross to really do, so I do give DH long kisses w/ deep embrace in front of her. Nothing gross and NO TONGUE what-so-ever! I just want her to know that parents have ways to show love for each other in a physical way (I'm all keyed up about sex and what is "nice" and "naughty" so I don't want her to be that way)
Well, need to run, limited time. Even my interuption is part of her age stuff. Will come back for more later.
My seven year old son is all about the kissing too. I think part of it is just the age.
However the smoking...interesting. She has to of seen or heard about someone smoking that has peaked her interest. I think it may be worth doing some net searches for pictures of smoke filled lungs and some big talking about it.
Good luck, hope someone else has better advice!
I did try just one puff of a cigarette, when I was 13. I coughed and coughed and coughed and was generally repulsed by the whole thing. I NEVER did it again! I never talked about it with my parents, though! As far as I know, they have no clue.
As far as I know, my kids have never gotten that far, thank goodness and are just as repulsed by smoking as their parents are.
I might let her try it actually. It's likely just honest curiousity. I would have no worries about her liking the taste.  We'd just do some reading up on cigarettes and such as well.
Sounds normal to me. My DD (7) is very huggy and smoochy. No tongue obviously, but she will climb into our laps and kiss, kiss, kiss all over our faces, necks, arms. Nothing sexual about it, just being silly and showing affection with more than hen pecks.
As far as cigarettes, both my kids have used objects (carrot sticks, crayons, etc.) to pretend they were smoking in the past. It bothered me at first until I asked what they were doing and both kids said, "Oh mom, we would never really smoke, we're just playing." Then we chatted yet again about how unhealthy smoking is. None of our friends or relatives smoke so they were just mimicking what they've seen out in public. I remember doing the same thing as a child and I'm a nonsmoker. We don't have access to cigarettes, but even if we did, I would not let my kids try it.
Well, I am admitting my age here but I actually remember candy cigarettes and we would eat them and pretend to smoke. We were just curious and that was back when "everybody smoked". (Even Lucy and Sherriff Andy)
And we were curious about kissing too.
I like the way you answered your daughters question about "Mommy and Daddy" kisses and I would think that would satisy her curiousity. If not, you might try telling her that Daddy and Mommy put their tongues in each other's mouths. Most kids think "THAT'S sooooo gross!!" And leave it alone after that.
As far as smoking, times indeed do change, now, "NOBODY SMOKES" (not that I have anything against it) I just don't smoke, none of my friends smoke and my parents/inlaws all quit smoking so my kids have never seen anyone smoke and the subject has just not come up.
My "wondering" mind wonders if your daughter has been around a "new adult" lately and has observed some "different" behaviors than what she is accustommed to and this has given her some new questions. (???) I would ask her, "Why are you asking, sweetie?" and see what she says. Maybe she happened upon two folks in a "kissing moment" or maybe she saw someone smoking and it got her curious.
Anyway, that's my two cents....raising two daughters here 5 and 8 and keeping my head above water with the Lord's help. We are off to VBS. Good Morning!
Good morning! Well, just these replies have helped me feel better. The other thing she is doing is being afraid of everything! At night we now have a ritual of making sure all the doors are locked. She goes around turning all the lights on (I turn them off except for the bathroom) and at least 30 min of talking about why she is safe to sleep in her bed. Shoot, even my bed for that matter. It doesn't matter where she is sleeping, she is afraid someone will come in and steal her or shoot her thru the window. If it is not a person than it is lightning coming thru the window and killing her or starting a house fire. I know her fears are real and she will eventually feel safe again, but oh bedtime is rough. Also, just leaving her in the car while I knock on Grandma's door (maybe 3 steps from the car?) is major issue.
We've had so many abductions near our city (Jessica Lumsford, Jennifer ?, and Carly Bu...(sp?)). And now we have a preditor living across the street. This is when it all started.
Well, last night she was spending the night at her friends (she's done this since age 2 or 3). Just as I was typing my original post, I get a call and she wants me to come get her. The last two times at her house she woke in panic because there had been a thunder storm. My friend was having to go thru all the same fear-reducing tricks that we do but still DD wanted to come home. In the end, she chose to stay, but non-the-less, I stopped my typing so DH and I could enjoy at least a few moments before we thought I would be bringing her home. You wanna here a funny? We have some adult alone time, and what do we do that entire time? We watch videos of DD being born and her first few months of life! Date night sure aint what it used to be. But oh how precious that time was watching our baby grow!
If you have any fear rudcing recommendations let me know. I remember being afraid and it is just awful come nightfall.
I too have a 7 yr old DS, with the same type of behavior, it's got to be a phase. He tries the mommy/daddy kiss on me also, and like you Dana I explained this type of kiss is for parents. My DH smokes but only a couple at night, but both my sons are replused by it. On the other hand my DH likes his beer and the other day we were in the pool and out comes 7 yr DS with a pop in a holder and gets in the pool, puts his pop on the deck, hops in and stands next to dad and says "Isn't this nice dad just us men enjoying our beer", to which I explained you are a child and are drinking a pop and beer is for adults only however you can enjoy this special moment of bonding. I think this behavior depends on the childs personality also, my older son didn't express himself this way and is shy and reserved but the 7 yr old is very outgoing and difficult at times. With proper guidance they will be fine. I wouldn't stop kissing your husband in front of her, let her see this is normal for parents.
I took a puff off one of my daddy's cigs when I was 9. He was out of sight and it was laying on the kitchen cabinet. I got so sick. Never had the urge to try it again. I think my daddy knew but he never said a word.
And I remember "practicing" kissing when I was in 3rd grade. Practiced on my arm and mirror.
I think it's just curiosity kicking in and I think you answered her pretty well.
I remember candy cigarettes too! LOL I too, think it's normal - kids see people smoking when they are out in public, or on the TV, and they think it's cool. Just keep talking and stressing the health consequences of smoking. Good thing to do would be to let them get a good whiff of an ashtray full of butts - and if it's wet, it's worse. IMO, that would leave *quite* the impression.
The kissing thing is normal too. Jen used to do that, and called it a movie kiss. I explained it much in the same way you did.
Not to worry, both are normal things, just keep doing what you are doing. :-)
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