My dd 13.5 has just in the past month or so started talking to me very meanly. She is at my parents right now and I talked to her on the phone a few minutes ago and she started yelling at me for telling her that my mom was right to make her take a shower or bath every day. I wasn't being mean or anything she just started yelling.

I don't know how to stop this. I told her that she needed to talk nicely to me or she could get off the phone so she called for my other dd to come get the phone to talk to me. And she told me I was mean and she hated me as she was getting off the phone.. I know that there are hormones going and she is having a really rough time with her periods right now but that isn't a free ticket to yell and be mean to me.

I have always (as long as I can remember) had these things said to me by my younger dd (yes we are dealing with many issues in therapy right now and that is the least of our worries with her) but my older dd never said these things to me until recently, or very rarely anyway.

Any suggestions on how to get her to quit?
And if she was at home I would have grounded her or something but she isn't here so it is hard to do anything about it.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 12:15 pm:

One of the thoughts that ran through my mind is that she may feel that her sister is getting away with it, so why can't she?

As for what to do, you can tell her that when she returns home she will be ground for X period of time each time she yells at you. You may not be able to ground her immediately but you can certainly warn her that she will be grounded.

By Annie2 on Wednesday, July 9, 2008 - 01:25 pm:

I hear you, loud and clear. I just try to stay on top of it, as much as possible. Stay calm and pick your battles. I would address her tone and words. I would tell her if she isn't going to speak nicely, then you can not talk to her on the phone. When she gets home, speak with her about this, at a quiet time. Let her know how you feel. Let her talk and maybe she can open up why she is doing this right now. It is a frustrating time for kids and parents.
My 14 year old dd is giving me a hard time today because it is supposed to storm here; so our trip to the waterpark is off. (they do not give out rainchecks) Of course it is sunny on our side of town, right now
I told her if she really wanted to go, she could use her own money. Now she doesn't want to go