My ds just turned 9. Lately he has been talking back alot. If dh or I tell him anything he asks "well how do you know that?" sometimes sounding kind of snippy. I'm also starting to get the glares. I had a thought last night though. A few times yesterday I noticed his "how do you know?" without the snippy tone. Do you think it's possible that part of this is because he's trying to figure things out? Like he's asking how we know things so he can think of how to learn about things himself without our help? It seems sometimes like he's being smart and then it seems like he just genuinely wants to know.

By Tink on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 - 10:52 am:

My dd asked this question a lot when she was younger, around 6yo. She sounded like she was being a smart mouth but she really was curious. We taught her some other ways to ask the same question so that it wouldn't be misunderstood. I'd say your ds is old enough to explain why it sounds like he has an attitude and show him how to word his question differently.

If he continues to ask in a "snotty" tone, I'd remind him about your talk and then some mild discipline might be in order.

By Luvn29 on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 - 11:38 am:

I think you need to remind him about watching the tone of voice he uses, and explain to him that when he uses that tone, even if he is just asking a question, it makes you think he is just being smart-mouthed. Maybe, if he truly is just being curious, he doesn't realize how he is sounding...

By Rayelle on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 - 04:14 pm:

Yeah I thought he seems too old for this kind of questioning but sometimes it seems that is it. He's been doing better. I could do without the glares so I hope they're nipped in the bud for now. I know I drove my mother nuts with eye rolling.

By Tarable on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 - 04:27 pm:

My dd 11.. asks all kinds of questions that I think she should already know the answers to and it makes me think she is being a little smart allic... well.. come to find out after an extensive talk about it she really just wanted more information that she already had... details rather than generalizations.. Don't know if that will help you..

Good Luck!!!

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 - 07:20 pm:

I suggest that you nip this in the bud real fast by reminding your son that he is *required* to treat his parents with respect. If he is truly just asking, suggest alternative phrases that will sound more respectful, and insist on a respectful tone of voice and attitude.

This is the kind of thing, from my observation, that can escalate into a totally disrespectful attitude and behavior (not my experience, because believe me, I nipped it in the bud). I wonder if he is observing this with some of his friends and trying it on to see if he can get away with it - or if it's something he has seen on TV. Whatever the reason, I would stomp on it quickly and firmly.

If he wants more information, that's fine - but, as the old song says, "it ain't what you say, it's the way how you say it". He needs to know that the words and tone of voice he is using cause you to feel he is being disrespectful and if that is not his intent, here are some alternate phrases to use. If he doesn't adopt the alternatives then you will have a clearer idea of his intent, and can deal with it.

By Rayelle on Tuesday, June 24, 2008 - 10:36 pm:

Yes Tarable that does help. That is the impression I get sometimes. Ginny, I know what you're saying. The example needs set now!

There are other things related to his speaking concern me. He speaks in babyish voice if he tells any kind of story, we have to remind him not to but it's constant reminders. He often speaks very loudly and has taken to trying to tell his sisters what to do. There's something going on here that I can't figure out.

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, June 25, 2008 - 09:49 am:

The "something going on" is his age! LOL! My dd did the exact thing with the baby voice that drove me crazy. She's 11, almost 12, and she has just about completely stopped doing it. She only slips up very, very rarely, but stops immediately. So there is hope! Teehee!

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, June 25, 2008 - 09:50 am:

Rayelle, I think at least part of what is going on is that he is moving into a new phase of development. Our kids do that to us all the time - we think we've got them pegged and sorted out, and lo and behold they change. It's called "growing up". Darn it!!! And some of it may be exposure to new friends, new classmates, stuff on TV at home or at a friend's home, etc. and wanting to try it on to see if he can get away with it. It doesn't change the basic rule of treating parents, sibs (and everyone else) with courtesy and respect, and giving him guidelines as to what is acceptable wording and tone and what isn't.

I can't speak to the 'speaking' concerns you have, except to say that I think there may be some reason for concern there and would wonder, for one thing, if there is a hearing issue of some kind. I know that my oldest, who has a variety of allergies, always finds his eustachian tubes blocking up when certain allergens are in the air, which affects his hearing, and he speaks much more loudly than usual. I can tell on the phone whether his allergies are acting up or not. You might want to make a separate post just about the speaking concerns, to get the attention of speech experts on the board - I know we have some.

By Rayelle on Wednesday, June 25, 2008 - 11:15 pm:

Thanks ladies! Just when I think I got this parenting thing down they up and grow a little on you!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, June 26, 2008 - 09:01 am:

Rayelle, they never stop, throwing something new in the mix.. You figure out one issue and another one is sure to follow. We are only called to do our best.. Surprisingly children seem to survive even under some of the worst parenting skills or lack there of. LOL So reading your post as long as we have, I would say, you are doing just fine. Get your shoulder pads and helmet on and be on the defense because I am sure there will be something new tomorrow. LOL Remember, even the best of kids, seem to make some kind of struggles for themselves in time.

((((HUGS))))