More sleep issues..
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More sleep issues..
Faith is almost 9 months old(I still dont know where the time went)..she sleeps horribly at night. Im so frustrated and stressed about it.
During the day, she is the happiest baby out there. This is a baby who rarely cries during the day. She naps twice a day morning, usually lasts 1-2 hrs, after noon around 2 hrs..I do not consider this too much sleep during the day for an almost 9 month old.
She goes to bed around 8pm, sometimes 8:30, but always around the same time. She nurses to sleep. I dont have a problem with this. She NEVER sleeps through the night NEVER. WHen she was 10 weeks old, she started too. We may have had a month of it.. Then from then on, it maybe 1-2 times a month she will..After she goes to bed, its a guarantee she will wake 1-2 hrs after going to bed, it NEVER FAILS..I normally will nurse her again on her first wake up...and then she would go right back to sleep.
We have tried it all, the crying it out. I hate this, we have tried it. It has worked on occasion.. Now though,it just pisses her off even more. She will get to the point of hysterics. My husband tries to help. He will go in and hold her and rock her, yet she cries and pushes him away. I let this go on for 20 mins one night before I couldnt take it anymore. I picked her up, and instantly she stops crying. She is not liket his with him during the day. All she wants me to do is pick her up. I rock her, she falls asleep, or I hold her and she falls asleep on me. I wait about 10 mins put her back in her crib.. She will get right back up. This normally goes on between 8-midnight. It seems like after midnight she will sleep until morning, around 6 or so..
But from bed time until Midnight its pure Hell around here. Ive tried increasing her solids during dinner, Ive tried increasing the nursing. We have tried to let her cry it out.. nothing WORKS. She is not sick, she is not teething, this is nightly around here. It is so stressful I want to cry. My other kids were not like this. How can the happiest baby during the day, be so miserable at night time. I just dont get it.I can honestly say I have not slept all night long since she has been born.
Hi Jackie,
I know the feeling! I have cried many a nights too, and when you are tired, you feel more stressed as well. I just posted the same issue this past week! I am going to order a book that was recommended, the Baby Whisperer... I heard good things about it from other Moms as well. Sometimes i think my DD (Ana) wakes just to know that I am around. It is so frustrating! I pray that you get some sleep soon.
-Angela
Oh, I feel your pain.And DH never..I mean NEVER got up with my son during the night or first thing in the morning the whole first year.
I think we just started having nights with no wake ups and he is almost 2 1/2.Granted, the wake up is alot easier than it was back then. Just go in for a minute and give him his pillow and he goes back to sleep.
I can suggest that you put her down a little later, maybe 9:30 instead of 8.
Bf babies just want to be close to mama unless they are really zonked.Did you bf with the other children?
Does she have a transistional object, like a bunny or blanket or something that she holds to get herself comforted?
Sleep deprivation is so hard.This won't go on forever.
Hugs Jackie!
It is so stressful when your little one won't sleep. Have you talked to your ped.? Helen was having trouble. I took her to the doc. They found nothing. I asked for a cbc. The white count came back indicating she had some sort of virus.
He told me to give her benadryl and motrine and we've had no trouble.
She also has reflx, which is fine during the day, but gets aggravated at night. We give her a little Gaviscon for that now.
When she goes down for a nap, does she put herself to sleep? Maybe nurse her a little earlier so she's awake, and then put her to bed awake?
Sometimes there is no solution but to just muddle through. I hope she sleeps for you soon.
Ame
Have you read the "No cry sleep solution" ? Great book-we had all those same problems here! It is great though because I could not handle the cry it out stuff! Not an overnight solution but it does work! Best of luck to you!
I would try putting her down a little later.
I have to say, crying it out is sooo hard but it really worked for me. How are you going about it? The thing with crying it out is you have to be consistent. If you let her cry for twenty minutes then pick her up and give in, she has learned that if she just cries long enough, she will get her way.
I did it by letting dd cry for 10 minutes, then went in to reassure her, but did not pick her up, then leave the room quickly (like 30 seconds max, just an "it's ok" and pat on the back to let her know Mommy's around). Then as long as she was crying, I went in every ten minutes and did the same thing. For the first few nights it took almost 2 hours, but after that, she learned that I was still around and she was able to comfort herself.
I have read theories that say start at 5 minutes, then 10 then 15 etc, but I read that if you extend the time the child cries, it just reinforces them to cry longer and longer.
I am not saying it isn't like torture to listen to your baby cry, but after a couple of nights (if done consistently) it worked like a charm. My dd nursed every 3 hours around the clock, until I finally did this at 9 months, and she has slept through the night ever since, and now I actually feel human and I think I am a better mommy now that I get some solid sleep.
I recognize that this solution is not for everyone, but it really worked wonders for me.
Ditto Karen (Frasersmama). We did this with all three of our kids. We had to be consistent and it was really tough but within about a week, we were all able to sleep through the night. I was ready to lose my mind, due to lack of sleep, with my first because I thought it was so cruel. I realized that I wasn't being a good mom or wife when I was this tired. All of my kids are excellent sleepers now.
Jackie,
It appears to me that 9 months is a really hard time for moms and babies not sleeping. I think that sometimes they are so over stimulated during the day from learning new things that crying in the evenings is a bit of a release for them. I really think it's normal, I know it's very hard for you, but it will slow down I would say within the next 2 months.
I think her naps during the day are fine. Matt is 13 months and sleeps an hour in the morning and sometimes 2-1/2 in the afternoon. He's in bed by 7:30 - 7:45 and usually asleep by 8:00 pm. We don't do the cry it out - well that depends. You know your own baby's cry. Sometimes Matt might cry for 5 or 10 mins. but this is usually when he is really tired and it's not that kind of "I want my mommy cry!". It's just an "I'm really tired" kind of cry. You know the difference? He sleeps thru the night until about 6:30. If he is really crying hard and we know he's not going to sleep we take him out of bed for another half an hour, this is really rare though, you have to be careful not to set up a pattern that you can't live with.
I will on occasion wake him up from his afternoon nap if it gets too close to 5 pm.
Try putting her down a little later, she will be more tired. A half an hour can make a big difference. We also rocked Matt to sleep around the 9 month period, but I have him a nice soft blanket to hold while rocking, this is blanket is now a source of comfort for him and he always holds it while sleeping. Good luck.
Ditto frasersmama. We did the exact same thing with dd. It took about 3 days and then it ended. We never picked her up, just reassured with some pats and whispers and then left the room. It is hard sometimes to listen and you do question yourself, but there are also times when you know in your heart there is absolutely nothing wrong other than baby just wants to be up with you and it's simply not the time for that.
It will get better. CIO really worked for us and I believe in it, although having only one child, it's like anything else - no one thing works for every child so you have to do what you think is best. Our dd slept through the night at 10wks for several weeks, then started crying as soon you as put her down. That's when we started CIO.
Good luck! It WILL get better. I don't think she is sleeping too long during the day. Natalie is 10mths and sleeps at least 3 hrs a day for naps and about 11 at night.
PS: I also consulted the No Cry Sleep Solution but these things just didn't work for ours. You never know what works for different kids! (That's the stress of our lives, isn't it!!??)
Okay, I'm long-winded today! After reading Ame's post I thought of something else - does Faith takes daily naps in her crib? If not maybe that's part of the problem. When dd was taking ALL daily naps in the swing or bouncy seat (when she was younger obviously) I started thinking whoa...those are all really comforting and not the same as her bed. So I started making her take at least one nap a day in her crib, even as a little one. Maybe that helped, I don't know. Since one rough spell when we did CIO she has been a wonderful night sleeper. I'll stop rambling now!!
Hey there -
Check out the babywhisper.com's message board on sleep - should be a big help. I had very, very similar problems when my ds was younger. A good first step will be to change the bedtime routine so nursing is not last. I know it is scary - but you can still rock and soothe your little one. They will go to sleep!!!!!!! We switched to bath, nursing, books, rocking, and then bed. Anytime I tried to make big, scary changes where I was so fearful that I would not get any sleep, I'd have my dh or a friend on hand for the next day - promising me naptime. This gave me the strength to take chances and make changes - b/c I knew sleep was on the way...
Best,
Amy
mom to 20mo Garrett
THanks for everybodys thoughts and advice.
Last night was simply terrible
She had a bath, jammies on, nursed, and in bed by 8pm. She falls asleep easily. At 8:50 she was up, then again at 10, then again at 11 . At 11, we tried letting her cry, she is so pitiful, She can now stand up, so she stands up in her crib and cries. We lay her down, rub her back, and she cries and cries.. Crying it out DOES NOT WORK FOR HER. We have tried as much as an hr or more.. going back in there every 10 minutes and trying to extend it. At 11 pm, we tried everything. At 1am, she was still awake, and i was just mad at the world. At 1:30am,I could not handle it anymore.. Lack of sleep will really work havoc on your body and mind. I took her downstairs. I set her on the floor and let her play. Bad Idea, Im sure to most it was. Before bringing her down, I had her lay on me. She would sorta fall asleep, its as if she cant relax. Something is always moving, and she tries to grab my face, or just touch something, it drives me crazy. I would let her sleep on me all night, if I thought that would help. But, she is just so restless, moving her legs,hands etc.. So then I let her play down here. At 1:45 I took her back upstairs,held her for a bit and she went to sleep to a whopping 6:15am..I DONT GET IT.. how come thats all she slept.Now she is napping. I should be too. But Im just so beyond tired I cant sleep, when i close my eyes, mymind races.
Lack of sleep has made me crabby, mean etc.. Ihad that Im short tempered with the older kids. My husband works during the day. He helps, but he needs to sleep..
Jackie, are you just breastfeeding or have you started solids?? If you have started solids, could she have gas?? That is what I thought of when you said she was moving constantly. Or, could she be teething? It sounds like she is restless for some reason.
I hope it passes quickly and she is sleeping better soon. I know how hard it is when you are tired. It is hard to be nice to anyone!
Jackie, please talk to Faith's ped. and see of there isn't some medical reason. She could have gas, or heartburn, or be uncomfortable from teething.
Hugs to you. I hope you find something that works.
Ame
Why don't you get some infant gas drops & try giving her some at bedtime. I know that you don't think she is sleeping to much during the day, but maybe try to adjust her naps just to see. I think at this point it would be worth it just to try, at 9 months my dd started taking one nap around 12 till 3 & then going to bed between 8:30 & 9:30. She has been my best about sleeping all night, my ds didn't sleep until well past 2 years old.
Is there something that maybe over stimulating her just prior to bed?
I would try to get some ideas from her ped, has she already had her 9 month check up?
If your dh doesn't work weekends I think you need to go have some major me time. Go get a massage, out to lunch, relax...this is such a huge thing to overcome. I used to think my ds would never sleep through the night, but it did finally happen.
(((Jackie)))
We are still breastfeeding, but she does eat solids 2-3 times a day. Shes a really good eatter. I have never seen her refuse any food. We do have gas drops. I suppose it wouldnt hurt giving her some at night. Though I keep thinking if it was gas, or teething or earache, she would be crying and fussy during the day which she is not.
Next week I go for her 9 month check up.
Jackie,
She may well be uncomfortable, but distracted enough during the day that she is not showing signs. My son was that way, and so is Helen. Ditto Emily on the gas drops and the me time.
Ame
Hey Jackie -
Make sure you have a plan before the bad night(s) start - it is hard to make decisions in the heat of things. You will have to be consistant on how you respond to her wakings - she has to know what to expect. If she gets a different response every time- she will be very confused and you all won't make progress. Please check out the baby whisperer pu/pd plan - I think it would be really good for her age and it would give you a structured plan to follow. You can do it!!!!! Promise yourself you will find a sleep plan you like and that you will stick to it for a good week. Your baby will surprise you on how well she responds. I used to worry that my ds had gas, teething, etc. It was just all behavioral in the end - and bad habits that I taught him!
Hang in there. I know sleep deprivation is mind numbing!!!!
Amy
Hi,
I just want to add that my daughter was similar.....seemed fine during the day, but was restless, constantly moving around, crying sometimes, and just wouldn't sleep at night. We finally took her to the Doctor's just to check about it.......she had an ear infection!!! 10 days of antibiotics solved the problem. How wonderful it was to get sleep again!
All the best to your family.
Jackie, I was having a problem with Taylor waking up once or twice in the middle of the night wanting a Bottle or just wanting me to hold her. I would give it to her and she would go back to sleep. I continued to do it for a month or so, against my better judgement...and finally talked to her doctor about it. I thought maybe she was having a growth spurt and needed to eat in the middle of the night. He told me she was fine and here is what I did and it worked for us.....
When she would cry, I would go in rub her back for 1 minute then leave, then she would cry and I would wait 5 minutes then rub her back for 1 minute and leave. She would cry I would rub her back for 1 minute, leave, wait 10 minutes. She would cry and I would rub her back 1 minute wait 15 minutes and so on.....it took about 45 minutes the first night, 30 the next and that was it. She now sleep through the night again. My Pediatrician said it could take about a week for this method to work. Lucky for us it only took two days.
I know you said rubbing her back isn't working but maybe that method might work. I would defiantly talk to Faith's doctor and see what they say. I am so sorry you are having such a hard time at night.
Ok, for the last 2 nights, this is what happened. Id put her to bed..Shed wake up . On the 2nd time, my husband went in there. She would try to get up, and hed gently push her back down and rub her back, when she tried to get up he pushed down and rubbed her back. The last 2 nights he rubbed her back for about 10-15 minutes, and she slept all night until 6am...Im afraid its a fluke...it seems it works better whenhe does it then me.But, Im so use to her getting up, that I have a hard time relaxing to stay asleep all night long. I still find myself getting up every 2 hrs or so and checking the clock..wish us luck, that my husband can continue this back rubbing and have her stay asleep all night.
Ok I spoke too soon. I should of known those 2 nights were a fluke. The back rubbing didnt not work. My husband tried for over an hr, and she cried and cried and cried.. she didnt even slow down except to catch her breath. I have no strength, because after an hr I had to go get her. I cant take it..Then I held her for a bit, she calmed down. I then laid her down in her crib, and she literally cried for the next 2 hrs, on and off. My husband heldher in bed on him , and she cried and cried and cried ...
Finally I warmed up a bottle of breastmilk.. I didnt know what to do. I figured my husband could give it to her. This is now 1:45. She originally went to bed at 8:45pm.. She drank the bottle and went to sleep until a whopping 6am.. I DONT GET IT. Im so •••• frustrated.Basically she had 6 hrs a sleep total. From 9-11, and then from 2-6.. With crying in between, how can this be good for a baby. She has an appt on the 17th. But in reality, why can the dr tell me that I havent already tried.
Hey Jackie -
I'm so sorry that you are struggling so. I really do think it is important to be consistant in your response to her. Also, give it time to work - everyone has off nights. My ds went through a period of time where he would get up and be wide awake for 1-2 hours in the middle of the night. It can drive you crazy!!! If you have a chance, please check out that babywhisperer message board on sleep - it is full of moms and dads dealing with various sleep issues and some great advice givers. This too shall pass.
Doctor's usually rec. the Ferber method, as that is what they are taught in medical school. I do think it is a good idea to eliminate any medical reasons - but don't take too much heed in what a medical doctor says about behavioral issues.
Find a response that helps her go to sleep semi-independently - and use that same response for every waking. Then she'll learn that if she cries out at night, that she'll get X. You don't want her to learn that if she cries long enough she'll get to play in the living room, get a bottle, etc.
Please know that this advice comes from the heart - I have been where you are - and it was horrible.
Best,
Amy
It sounds like my dd whenever she is teething! She is always up for several hours at night and crying- It usually subsides when the teeth come in! I would definetely check for teeting, ear infections etc.!! My dd never had trouble during the day- just at night when the activity stopped! Good luck!
Could it be hunger? Also (sorry if I missed this) do you use a pacifier/does that help at all?
No, its not hunger, she has a pacifier.. doesnt interest her much. Sometimes when I try to give it back to her, she gets mad.
Last nite was bad again.. went to bed at 7:30, up at 8:30, asleep again, up at 10:30...from 10:30-12:30 I laid her in bed next to me.. Id let her sleep there all night if shed SLEEP.. from 12:30-2am she was up,and I mean up, ready to play, full of smiles.Then got up again at 6:15..thats only a total of 7 hrs and I know a 9 month old baby needs more then 7 hrs of sleep. I of course, had barely 4 hrs, and the other kids will be up soon.
Jackie,
We went thru this at about 9 months as well. I would lay a foam mattress on the floor of Matt's bedroom and sleep there so the rest of the house could sleep. Sometimes I would have Matt sleep with me but most of the time he wanted to investigate or play. I would also put Matt in his swing, this way he was near me, safe and contained and I could at the very least close my eyes. The rocking motion helped put him to sleep and he could not squirm around and keep himself awake. I don't know if you have a swing or have ever tried, but it got me thru a few rough weeks. Hang in there chickie.
We dont have a swing anymore.. she never cared for it. Plus she is too big for it. Im sure she weighs about 24 pds now...Its that she can never relax. Even when Im rocking her or nursing her, shes always moving something,her leg, her hand..Its as if she just cant relax. Our sleep routine is always in a dark and quiet room. Im totally miserable today, my fuse is short.. I just dont know what else to do. Sure I know others have babies with sleep issues. BUT I can not HANDLE it anymore. I can not handle the lack of sleep, it is effecting every aspect of my life. Im short fused..Crying it out doesnt work, rubbing her back doesnt work.. timeing doesnt work, meaning wait 5 minutes, wait 10 minutes etc.. go back etc..After 2 hrs, that is way too much for me. Gas drops dont make a difference, more feeding doesnt make a difference.. Adjusting the time doesnt make a difference. Holding, rocking, doesnt make a difference.Iam totally miserable
{{{Jackie}}} I feel so bad for you I never had really bad sleep issues with the kids, so I can't say I know what you are going through. Just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you and hoping you can get some rest.
{{{{Jackie}}}} I am sorry you are so miserable Why not take her to the doctor and make sure she doesn't have an ear infection or something? My youngest ds got frequent ear infections. He was always fine during the day. The only way we knew he had them was when he couldn't sleep. It couldn't hurt to take her to the ped and you could at least rule out any physical problems.
I hope you get some sleep soon.
She has her 9 month well baby appt on Tuesday, so I will discuss all these issues with the dr. Thanks for everybodys suggestions and thoughts on this issue.
The only thing I can think of is that you are trying too many things. It takes more than one or two nights to become a habit for them. I think you need to pick one thing to do and do it every night. I wouldn't give up on that method for at least a week, maybe two. Do it consistantly every night. Do not stray from it no matter how many hours it is taking. I have heard many say that by the third or fourth night things are so much better. It sounds to me like you are only doing things one or two nights and it might be confusing to her. She may not know what the routine is. That is just my take on what it sounds like your going through.
(((((Jackie))))) I am so sorry you are having all these sleep issues with her. Let us knwo what the docotor says on Tuesday.
Until them try to take a nap today and let DH watch the kids for a bit.
I am just reading this! I am so sorry you have had so much trouble getting her to sleep. I know you are walking around in a fog.
I hope that everything gets better, and I agree with Vicki. I think you have to stick to a method for a week or so. I had to with my son. I would let him cry it out. It work for a couple days, then it wouldn't work. But I kept at it and now he is a great sleeper.
Let us know what the doctor says today!
How did the appointment go today?
Vicki makes a good point about trying things for a week or two. I know this is a hard time for you, I think we have all been there with at least one child. My dh & I got to the point of never mentioning if Joe slept through the night because it was like it was a jinx.
Sorry, didnt update sooner. First off, the last 3 nights she slept almost all night.. I laid her next to me in bed, and she slept all night.. I know many people dont agree with this. I have 3 kids, and this is the first whose had this problem. She will go to sleep in her crib. In 1-2 hrs she is awake. I pick her up, and hold her for a few mintues..Then I lay her next to me in bed..I cover her up, and she has slept all night for the last 3 nights. Yes, I know its a bad habit to start. BUT.. I can not function in a sleep haze.. I can not listen to the crying for 2 hrs straight..well on and off..I cant get up countless times out of a deep sleep much longer. SO its been nice to have 3 nights of very good sleep. Now granted, I still tend to get up every few hrs to check on her, but other than that I look at her, and go right back to sleep.
Ok drs visit today.. poor thing, she did have a double ear infection .... I would have never known. She has had a cold. But, we have taken her to the dr 2 times in the past with colds, and no infection. This time I thought the same, and thought we have her well baby visit they can check then.
Her dr is very laid back... She suggested the normal wait 20 minutes if shes crying go in and settle her down etc...said if we wanted her in bed with us, thats our decision. She didnt say it was bad.. Just gave me other suggestions, but all we have tried.
She basically said that Faith always wants me, thinks Im the one who has to help her go to sleep at night, shes use to me..I explained how my husband tried to hold her one night and she cried for an hr, and stopped the sec I picked her up.Soalthough the dr didnt offer any miracle cure, I feel better knowing her and I have both slept fairly well the last 3 nights.
Jackie,
I am glad you seem to have found a solution that is working for you. Don't worry about what other people do or say about it, if you and your family are happy and it is working for you, go with it. I would tend to agree with Vicki that you may have been trying a few too many things without really giving them the chance to work, but if you have found something now, great. I still say consistency is the key. Good luck, I've been in your shoes and can only say that it won't last forever. There is sleep at the end of the tunnel!
If she has 2 ear infections I say put a pillow under her mattress at one end and make sure her head is at that end when you put her down and try that. It worked for jade who had all of the same sleeping problems and only wanted me and not DH but after the ear infection she has slept great now for the last 1 month. Good luck and know you are not alone!!
Jackie, I am so glad that your able to sleep again!! I am not saying if sleeping in your bed is the right or wrong thing to do. Many people do it and many others are against it. I just want to make sure that you realize that this will become a habit with her. It will be a fight to get her out of your bed if you change your mind and no longer want her in there. I always feel so bad for the kids who parents do this for a quick fix and then try to "get them out of their beds" in a couple of months. Please, unless your going to be ok with this for the long haul and are going to do the family bed thing, don't start it!! Is your dh ok with her being in there??
Jackie, I say just do whatever works for you. Many years ago when my older son was a baby, he had severe sleep problems which sounded very similar to your daughter's. Nothing seemed to help, and I felt like a zombie at work because I was up off and on all night long. When he was about fifteen months old, I decided to try letting him sleep with me; and I couldn't believe the difference. I was finally able to get some decent sleep for the first time since he had been born. By that time, I could have cared less whether anyone else agreed with his sleeping with me. When he turned three, he transitioned easily to a toddler bed. My only regret is that I waited so long to try letting him sleep with me. I know I was a better mother after I started getting enough rest. You will know soon whether letting her sleep with you is going to be the answer.
So sorry to hear she is sick, maybe you can get her back in her crib sleeping all night once she is feeling better.
Take care of yourself.
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