What's your opinion?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2005:
What's your opinion?
I have an 8 year old half-brother who is going to stay with us for 2 1/2 weeks. (My stepmom and dad are going to our family reunion in Italy.) They never really "asked" us, but rather spoke of the trip last summer saying, "It would be nice if Austin could stay with his big sister while we're there!"
Got it-point taken...for the hundredth time. I don't mind doing it, so I offered, but I have no idea how to keep this kid busy...he gets easily bored and has ADD out the ying-yang.
She goes and tells me that I don't have to watch him all the time and offers to pay for a fun camp for him. So, I research all sorts of camps. Then she asks for any Christian camps...I don't mind Christian camps, being one myself, but they aren't as tightly regulated as public ones sometimes...(example, Jeffrey Dahmer was a Sunday school teacher at some point). I understand her take on it and offer up a Christian swimming camp that I take Connor to once a week.
I also offer up a possible friend who is also 8, that lives down the street and whose mother is in my mom's group...I know she watches her kids like a hawk. So, my step-mom asks, "Well, I really would feel more comfortable sending Austin to a camp where he knows someone."
Meaning...I am supposed to ask if the boy down the street is going to any camps while he's here.
Is there any guarantee that they'll even get along? He's 8...do kids really get that shy? I mean, he just changed schools this past fall and made friends left and right...I feel like she's coddling him and I working my butt off to try to find camps that "she feels comfortable with", when really I don't feel that she's comfortable with ANY camps...ugh. I guess I am just venting...but, she has had the tendency to shy away from him trying new things...and I think it's a perfect time for him to try new things...he'll be in a new place for 2 1/2 weeks...what do you expect???
Personally, and dont take offense to this please, I wouldnt send my kids (12, 11 and 5) to my sisters house and ask her too take any of them to a camp that I am not familiar with. I certainly wouldnt ask my sister to find a camp--especially if her kids werent old enough to have gone to any of them yet. Thats just me tho.
However, if she lived down the street from me I might go sign them up myself for a camp that we have here that I am very familiar with and I know the kids would enjoy.
I have an ADHD ds and seriously all you have to do is put the kid on a PS2, XBOX, computer, or in the backyard. Have him bring his bike/roller blades. Also, let him help you cook and do dishes, take him to the library, take him to the museum, take him swimming or to the park, etc... Have the friend down the street come and play with him at your house and see if they hit it off. No there is no guarantee they will-- but try it.
I am impressed you are watching him. My youngest ds is 5 and his half brother that is going to be 23 in a couple of weeks has absolutely nothing to with him. The 23 yo comes around right before Christmas and right before his bday. He calls if he needs money or to borrow something and thats it.  He stopped by last night because he had lost his cell phone in a river and needs a new one. Within 5 min of walking the door he said ' Canoes are about $350 that'd be a good bday gift'... lol Have fun with your brother- it will be good for him to have some time with you and your family. 
I have to ditto Conni on this one.
Are you the one that is a science teacher?? My kids would want to live with you forever if you did some cool science experiments with them and let them dissect a frog or something. They'd think that was the bomb.
Yup! That's why she wants me to watch him. She says she only trusts me and that Austin loves me and my DH, and Connor. I'm TOTALLY flattered, don't get me wrong...I'm just getting frustrated with her lack of direction on what he wants to do.
She wanted us to go to the beach but that's 3 hours away and I can't picture myself going alone with a 1 year old and my little brother. (On the weekends, we do have some fun things planned since DH can help. Going to an Orioles games, etc.)
I guess I'm just frustrated that she seems like she cannot make up her mind. I want him to have fun, but casa del Henkel also has a 1 year old too. She has offered to pay for a sitter but I don't use sitters and don't feel comfortable with the idea.
I found all these cool camps too...ones I KNOW he would love! I'm just bummed...
I would ask her for a little more direction/input. But perhaps she is feeling a little frustrated too. She is offering you suggestions, but you don't seem to like them very much.
I would say if she trusts you to watch him then she should trust you to pick a good camp around you or just trust you enough to keep him entertained. I mean you cannot drop your life to center around his or what she wants. You have to do what is best for the whole house right?
Jann, it would seem that way, but it's really the opposite. I've offered some suggestions in response to what she wanted. She just keeps changing her mind.
Turns out that the kid down the street isn't going to be in any camps anyway.
I did have an Orioles baseball mini-camp for him where he could meet Cal Ripken and everything! I even offered to stay at these camps with Connor in tow.
I just find it weird that she offered, as her idea, to involve him in a camp but really after all, she's not ready. Which, is fine by me...I'll just be resourceful!
And, thanks Tonya, you're right. I really can't just "drop" everything for Austin. She has only had to have one kid at a time (she has a 22 year old boy) and she is an only child herself, so I don't think she quite understands how much of a challenge it is to have a fun vacation for an 8 year old and then take care of my 1 year old too. I think she just thinks I can "pick up and go" or just get a sitter. Plus, I really don't know this area myself since we just moved here a few months ago.
Heidi, I haven't read the other responses, sorry if I'm repeating something someone else has already said, but Why on earth are you doing all this research and running around!? Who is doing who (whom?) the favour?
If I was going to leave my child with a relative for an extended period of time you can be sure that I would be the one to sort all this out. I would never consider the person I asked to care for my child to come up with entertainment for him and then pose all kinds of conditions and restrictions.
I know that you are the kind of person who just wants to be helpful. Sweetie just do your best, you are already doing them a huge favour, don't stress over this you might find that he is happy to just hang out with you and Connor. Try to think of some simple activities you can do together. Get a kids cookbook and supervise some cooking sessions,bake some cookies, go and hang out at the pool everyday, Connor likes his swim time as well. Good luck and let us know how it all turns out.
Well, to be honest with you, I think Step-Mom is asking a lot. I always pay my childcare givers and if it is my family,they don't like to accept cash payment but if a relative, like my Mom or something, I always pick up my child with a lovely "thank you" gift in hand, a gift certificate, a large plant, something to say thanks. I plan all my children's activities and if my child were to stay with you and attend a camp, I would choose the camp, with your okay and since you are transportation, I would cough up money for gas for you, too.
It would probably go something like this: Would you mind please keeping step-bro while Dad and I go on vacation? I know he is a handful so I will sign him up for a fun activity while I am gone and that way, you can get a break. And let me know your gas expense for taking him back and forth to camp and I will cover that too. If you are free to do it....something like that....
Ditto Melton
I agree w/ everyone above. Also if I were to send one of my kids to a relative, I wouldnt put any restrictions on what I expected to happen at their home, within reason of course, no skydiving that sort of thing. After all my relatives would be doing me a huge favor. I would make sure that if $ was needed or if I felt that they should go to camp or whatever I would make the arrangements, pay for it, and make sure it was OK w/ the relatives schedual.
Heidi, I just had another thought about what to do with this child while he's at your house. Aren't you a science teacher?
Check-out http://www.hobbyscience.com/index.html.
I'm sure you can come up with some really cool science projects for him to do where he won't need your total attention but your still around to help out and keep an eye on things.
Just a suggestion.
Thanks so much! I'll look into it!!
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