I hope it's just a phase, but lately, Rylee has been so rude/mean to me. She just talks back and says no so often, and in such a rude tone. I ground her from things, put her in time out, etc. I usually notice that she acts this way when she is really tired, but that is still no excuse for her to act this way! After she calms down, she will come up to me on her own, and say that she is sorry, and that she was just angry or tired. I always tell her thank you for apologizing and that I love her very much, but when she acts that way she really hurts mommy's feelings. She says she's sorry again, and that she won't do it again. Yeah right...lol.

Has anyone elses kids gone through this? I really don't know what to do anymore. It's not an every day thing, but it's really becoming something that is happening too often than I like.

By Happynerdmom on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 11:08 am:

Yes, it can be just a phase if you make it clear you will not tolerate being talked to that way. I think the key is to stay calm and say "I'm sorry, but you cannot speak to me that way," while you put her in time out, or whatever the punishment is. If you get upset, she knows she has a way to push your buttons! If it's more of a "well, we're done here. I will not talk to you if you treat me that way," I think it will be more effective.
One time my dh heard ds talk to me in a rude tone and, before I could even respond, my dh got in his face (I think ds was about 7?) and said "Excuse me, but no one talks to my wife that way!" That put everything in a different perspective for ds! My dk's are now 15 and almost 18, and I VERY rarely have problems with attitude or rudeness toward me. Good luck!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 12:22 pm:

I had similar issues with all four of my kids and my sister is dealing with it in her children now. I agree, calmly address it, and remove her from the situation. Watch giving her excuses to use too, you must be tired, angry, cranky. That teaches her justification words and there is no justification for disrespect. Tends to lend to the, "I didn't mean it because I was tired", mentality, and that will become the new habit. If I smart mouth and get in trouble I can claim I was tired and get away with it. My sister is getting excuses from her 3 year old for every bad things he does and now she is trying to go back and not only deal with the bad situation but instilling accountability for his actions. He will hit his sister and claim he was tired, angry or hurt (emotionally) by her and that is why he did it. For a three year old he had gotten pretty good at making excuses. It is shocking how hurtful a childs mouth can be, that is for sure but smart mouthing and saying hurtful things are a choice. Because of the way you are speaking to me/ have spoken to me, you will not be getting a snack/playing with this toy/sitting in time out while you think about your actions. Have her tell you why she was in time out and make her apologize before she is aloud to resume play.

You are not alone, this is very common. DH stepped in with a couple of my kids and set them straight too.. He used the whole, "you will not speak to my wife in that manner." speech too. It is best to nip this in the bud as early as you can and there is no over night fix but you can break the habit with (the typical) consistency and keeping your emotions in check. She will feed off of getting you upset.

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 02:50 pm:

Sometimes they don't know they're tired or hungry and when you give them the words to use, that helps. Connor has reverted back to naps again because of a growth spurt and I've noticed that he's grouchy around the times he either feels hunger or tiredness, he just doesn't know how to articulate it.

I've said, "You know if hurts mommy's heart when you say no and are rude. Instead of hurting mommy's heart, can you tell me if you're hungry or tired?"

It helps me from flying off the handle and our "argument time" is nipped in the bud. The end result is a way for my son to recognize his grouchiness in the future and, instead of saying "no" or being rude, he is getting better about recognizing his own feelings. HTH

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 02:53 pm:

PS- With hitting, it's an automatic timeout though.

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 04:01 pm:

I just remember saying, "Excuse me?", when they took a certain tone with me, when they were younger. I haven't had to say that in a long time, though.

By Imamommyx4 on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 04:44 pm:

I have found over the years that dd begins to act out when I am busy or distracted with some project or event or illness. Something that takes my usual attention away from her. When I get back on track with her, she usually gets back on track, too.

By Texannie on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 07:08 pm:

But a child can't expect to have your attention 100% of the time all the time, and acting out to get it is not appropriate.

I belong to the KISS school (keep it simple stupid) of discipline. I never offered lenghty explanations of why a behavoir was not allowed or inappropriate. They start to tune out after a whole lot of word. I think simply saying 'you are not allowed to speak to me in a disrespectful way' and then putting the child in time out each and every time works better than lots of explanations about hurt feelings or asking why they are doing it.

By Amecmom on Tuesday, May 6, 2008 - 09:46 pm:

ditto here. Also, I find that if I can stop the bad behavior before it happens, it's helpful. If I see her starting to get cranky, I'll just sit with her and cuddle or read a book. Or I'll give her a snack or make her laugh - anything to bring up her mood. This way she doesn't start the downward spiral into true nastiness.
Ame

By Rayanne on Wednesday, May 7, 2008 - 08:07 pm:

Thank you everyone. We are still working on it, but today was a really good day! She started to get into the mood, and I just changed the subject and made her think of something else, and all was fine. She got into a lot of trouble yesterday, so hopefully that made her think today.