Okay - My grandma lives about 7 hrs from me. We're close and I've been visiting her multiple times a year since I was 4. As an adult I usually make it there for about a week at least twice a year, sometimes three. The last time I visited I was about 6mths pregnant. Now my dd is 9 1/2mths. and I really miss my grandma but don't feel comfortable taking dd with me. Grandma really wants me to bring her for a visit and I want them to meet, but....

First I just don't feel like it's fair to put her in a carseat for 7+ hrs. It takes me 7hrs. when I'm alone and barely making stops. With dd I know we would be stopping A LOT more and it would take longer. Also, it just seems like there would be so much to take in preparation for staying there...a place for her to sleep, diapers, wipes, you know all the stuff you need for kids.

I could definitely go alone and dh would stay here with dd, no problem, but now that dd is here no one wants to see me anyway (LOL) just the baby! So that wouldn't work. DH could go with me,(if I begged him!) but my grandma lives in a small trailer on a resort and there's very little to do there. I know he would be so bored and uncomfortable among a bunch of older women who I'm sure will be putting in their 2 cents about raising babies
Normally before I became a mom, it was just a relaxing time for she and I to antique, shop, and hang out together. Dh never went with me, partially because we knew he would be bored and partially because it's just my time with my Grandma and has been like I said since I was 4.
We likely wouldn't go (IF we do) until this summer and dd will be a year then.
I considered flying just to make the trip shorter, but the nearest airport is a ways and Grandma doesn't drive much, in addition to the fact that I then would not have a carseat or if I flew it down I'd have to install it, etc. (which I always leave up to dh because he's mor ethorough than I!) My mom would probably go with me, so we wouldn't be going alone.
So my question is - would you take your 12 mth. old on this type of trip? Do you think it's too long getting there and back? Also, she's already into everything, cruising and pulling up and Grandma's house is NOT babyproofed at all. Should that be a consideration?

By Kaye on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 09:38 pm:

Just go, honestly if you do it often they don't know the difference. You don't have to stop more. Just buy some kids music, maybe some books on tape and go. I use to travel to see my parents often, it was just at 7 hours with my two kids. My mom died when I was pg with my 3rd, so my kids were younger that 4 and about 2. It was just normal and they were great.

Take some packing tape with you to baby proof your room (outlets, curtain tie backs, etc. and relax.

By Pamt on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 10:21 pm:

We made frequent 12 hour car trips from the time our babies were a few months old. It got to be nothing to them and we would drive it straight with only about 4 stops. They sleep an awfully lot in a car and you can take small toys, books, and music to entertain them. If we never traveled by car we would have never seen our parents and we couldn't have flown with all of the baby paraphenalia that we needed. I'd go in a heartbeat.

By Marcia on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 10:25 pm:

I would go, for sure. I don't know hold your grandma is, but who knows how much longer you'll be able to enjoy her. It would be wonderful for them to get to know each other, too!
We have taken our kids to Florida every year, which is a 24 hour trip for us. It's never been much of a problem. Just have lots to entertain her.
If your grandma knows she's coming, I'll bet she'll be willing to do some babyproofing.
I think this will be a trip filled with wonderful memory making experiences.

By Palmbchprincess on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 10:33 pm:

I would just go. You can drive in the evening, into the night, or leave in the middle of the night so your DD will be asleep. This is her great-granddaughter, it would be a shame for her not to meet her. You can buy a baby-proofing kit at Toys R Us to do temporary babyproofing (outlets, stuff like that) and take the tape like Kaye said. I had to fly to NJ alone with my kids a month after their 1st birthday (funeral) and it was *really* difficult because I had both of them, but travelling with kids generally isn't that big of a deal.

By Emily7 on Tuesday, April 12, 2005 - 11:49 pm:

It isn't that bad traveling with kids. I had to make an emergency trip from WY to MI with a 2 year old & 8 month old.

By Trina~moderator on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 06:49 am:

Guess I'm going to be the party pooper. LOL! When DS was born we lived 10 hrs. from my parents' house. We made our first trip down when DS was 4 mos. old. NOT fun. He was fussy and the trip took much longer because we had to stop so often. In fact, we ended up stopping and staying at a motel half way because our nerves were fried. It wasn't too bad once we got there but the trip home wasn't a party either. We didn't make the trip again until DS was 16 mos. old. THAT trip went much better. By then DS had developed a special bond with his blanket and was soothed just by popping in a Mozart CD. LOL!

Fast forward to baby #2 (DD). Very fussy, high maintenance baby due to GERD (reflux). We missed the festivities the night before Eve's wedding because the trip to NH took so long with DD screaming the entire way. Normally a 2-3 hr. drive was doubled because we had to stop so often. We didn't even attempt a trip to VA until she was much older. We made it clear to everyone they were very welcome to visit US.

Obviously different people have different views. Do what feels most comfortable for YOU. *I* didn't like traveling long trips when my kids were little. It was stressful and not enjoyable at all. A different story now that they're older but NOT fun back then.

By Fraggle on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 08:07 am:

One of my grandmother's greatest joys was visiting with her great grandchildren. She would brag about these visits for weeks with all her friends. So, I would go, but I would take DH with me. My DH wouldn't even let me go on such a long road trip alone anyways. It would also give you a chance to have some alone time with your grandma and maybe DH could keep your DD busy. We have taken 5-7 hr. drives to see my in-laws with the girls and the drives weren't that bad. It was helpful though to have someone in the backseat to keep them occupied. Good luck with whatever you decide.

By Heaventree on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 08:13 am:

We live 6 hours from family. We also bring the dog and the cat with us. We usually leave around 4 p.m. stop after an hour feed DS and change his diaper. He usually sleeps the first hour. Then after the first stop he will eventually fall asleep again and sleep the rest of the way. I'm not sure how you feel about driving alone at night, but the days are getting longer now and if you leave by 3 p.m. You'll probably only have a few hours of night driving depending on where you live.

I would go, I just would not want to have any regrets. Try it once, it might be the best time you ever had and if not well at least you tried and your Grandmother got a chance to meet DD.

By Vicki on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 08:28 am:

I would also go. If your mom would be willing to go, I would take her up on that too. What a fun girls week!! I am guessing grandma would LOVE to meet her great grand daughter. I don't think you would regret going, but if something happened to her, you would regret not going and letting your dd meet her. Don't stress about it and make it fun!

By Dana on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 08:30 am:

Go for sure! 9 months is a great age for travel. They sleep most the time and are old enough that you are not having to do the 2-4 hr feeding schedule. Imagine how happy your grandma will be! I wouldn't travel at night though. I would go at day for safety reasons and keeping the childs nightly sleep routine. And packing, well that won't be any harder than packing for a trip to walmart. Just add a couple more toys, a packNplay, and extra diapers. If you think you will be making this trip more often, purchase the diapers and things once there and leave them at Grandma's for the next visit. That's what I did w/ DD at both grandma's house. I just left certain common items there so I didn't have to worry about packing them for the next visit. Don't miss out on this opportunity!

By Imamommyx4 on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 10:27 am:

My dh was working in New Hampshire (we live in TN)for 9 weeks when dd was 9 1/2 months old. We flew up for a week in the middle of his 9 weeks. DD was absolutely great. She loved everything and everybody. When we were in confined areas like on the airplane, she went to other people. She wanted to go into the seat behind us. It was an older couple and they all three had a ball.
Figure out to hook in the car seat. It's not that hard. Check it at the airport if you are not going to use it on the plane.
Buy a foldable cart that you can put bags on, one of those baby carriers that you can put on your back or chest, and go. Make a fun girl's adventure. If your Mom is going,that will make it a little easier. If you stress about it, dd will sense it. Have fun.
Traveling doesn't get easier until you start doing it.
Make sure the baby is drinking or eating at take-off and landing for the ear popping.

Your grandmother is not getting any younger. You will regret more if you don't go. Especially if something happens.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 11:08 am:

All of you have been encouraging, but then again, you've all done this before. I agree with Imamommyx4 about how traveling doesn't get easier until you do it. (Like everything else!) You all also have good ideas about babyproofing and buying some supplies while we're there. We likely would not fly, I've just about ruled that out.
I guess I'm a big party pooper, too! Dd is a good baby, it's just that's a long time to be in a carseat from my perspective I guess. We'll keep thinking about it and will probably decide to go at the last minute, which is fine. Guess I've never had to think about this since both sides of our family are within an hour. We're pretty spoiled after hearing all of your stories. Thanks everyone for the support!

By Palmbchprincess on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 12:34 pm:

Deanna, I thought about your post, and noticed there was a vibe of feeling a little neglected as well. You mentioned no one wants to see just you since the baby, and that the visits with your grandmom used to be special time for the 2 of you. (I might just be reading into it too much, so I apologize if I'm wrong) I can understand that feeling. My parents and grandmom all live over 20 hours away (by car) so we rarely see them, but any time any relative calls it's "How are the kids?" first thing. When they were first born only a couple people really went out of their way to make sure I didn't feel like just the spokesperson for the children, like they were still interested in me as a person. If that is part of your hesitation to take DD with you, perhaps you could arrange for an afternoon alone with your grandmom just for the two of you to catch up. It's really easy for relatives to get caught up in a new addition to the family, so make sure you are feeling cared for as well!

By Meltonmom on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 01:07 pm:

We have travelled with our children many times. I like things that are self-contained and NOT messy in the car. This is going to sound strange but when my dd was a year old we went to Key West. Well, we packed an Etch a Sketch for my older, three year old child but my ONE year old loved it! She loved to turn the knobs and watch the lines appear and it entertained her almost the whole trip.

At that time, Barney was popular as well so we packed lots of Barney tapes, my H and MIL complained about the Barney music, but when it entertained the one year old, it suddenly became GOLD!

Also, her special teletubbie helped. She played with it a lot of the time.

PLAYDOH was a BAD idea! LOL! I tried that and the little one tried to eat it and it got stuck in the older one's hair, it was a disaster!

Also, the Magna Doodle worked well, eventhough it had lots of parts, the one year old could make shapes on the Magna Doodle with the parts and that kept her entertained.

And a slinky. Great for the three year old and great entertainment for the one year old. I could take the slinky (not give it to the baby) but take it in my hand and wiggle it back and forth and the baby was fascinated watching it.

Hope that helps, just some ideas on how we survived.

THEN we got to Key West, it rained every day, the beaches were closed and we wound up leaving early and heading up to Saint Augustine where we finished our vacation and had a wonderful time!

MeltonMom

By Kay on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 01:24 pm:

If I had been fortunate enough to have had a living grandmother when I had my first child, I would have driven cross-country if I had to. I've always been so close to my family, and have always been of the state of mind - 'if you want to make something happen, just do it'.

By Mommmie on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 02:01 pm:

My son's first plane ride was at 10 days old. At 11 months we flew again. AT 15 months we drove 10 hours to New Orleans. At 20 months we went to Rome and Bosnia which invovled 24 hours of straight traveling and it's possible. A hassle at times, but possible.

She'll sleep more than normal in the carseat in the car. You'll have to do diaper changes in disgusting bathrooms at McDonalds which is the worst part. She can sleep in bed with you. She'll live in an umbrella stroller when you're out and about.

Don't overthink it and just go. Grandma will be happy to see you and baby.

By Beth on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 02:05 pm:

I just wanted to add that when my sil recently died I know that was one of the things her daughter shared with me. She said that she really wished she had brought her son around her mother more. She lived in Ca and her mom in Fl. I am not saying this to give you a guilt trip but just something to think about it. If something happened to your grandmother I know you would not want to have those feelings. I don't think 7 hours with a young child is as bad as you think. Mine to fairly well 10-12hrs to NC. We bought one of those tv/vcr and that keeps them entertained. At your daughters age it she will sleep a lot also. So my vote is to go for it!

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 02:13 pm:

How about trying a one or two hour trip first, to see how things go. Then, if they go badly, you can go back home in less than two hours, and you'll know.

By Missmudd on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 02:54 pm:

Can grandma come visit you instead? That way you have a baby proof house and no drive.

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 05:40 pm:

You guys are all wonderful! To answer some questions - Grandma can make the drive due to arthritis. Palmbchprincess- What I mentioned about 'no one wanting to see me' was all in good humor It's just the way it is and it's nice to know that your child is loved. Ginny- I like your idea as well about a shorter trip.

Apparently it's possible because you all have been doing it! I think you are all right and that I should relax, take it easy, and go with whatever comes our way. We would not likely be going until July, so she will be almost 13mths. then and most likely walking. A friend of mine also suggested the overnight driving, as someone here did, so I think that's a good consideration, too. I'm starting to feel more relaxed about it.

By Vicki on Wednesday, April 13, 2005 - 05:59 pm:

I think at this age (or the age she will be then) your best bet is not to plan every little thing. If you decide to go, head out with the intention of stopping if she gets too cranky. Don't plan on driving the whole trip. Plan on having to stop and then play it by ear. If she is doing great, keep going. If about 4 to 5 hours into it she is done, stop and get a hotel room! You are going to need to be very flexible and nothing will ruin your trip faster than to have everything planned out and have dd get the cranks. Allow for plenty of free time and I think you will have a blast. Have a go with the flow attitude!!

By Reds9298 on Thursday, April 14, 2005 - 06:53 pm:

Vicki- Thanks for the wonderfully well-spoken advice! I think you're totally right, and I hadn't even considered stopping somewhere for the night if necessary. I will almost certainly go this summer and I'm going to try not to plan everything and really relax!

By Mrsheidi on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 09:31 am:

I haven't read everything here, so I apologize if this has been said???
I just wouldn't go alone. I drive to go see my mom but it's usually a day trip. I feel so rushed and it's VERY hard to push my mom in a wheechair and carry DS around (he's the same age as your little one). I just can't stay with her because her caretaker smokes and I can't stand the smell in her house. So, we go to the mall or to a movie.
If you go, go with someone and don't make it a rushed trip. Plus, it's safer with someone else. What if your car breaks down? Not to make you worry but that's what I worry about while visiting my mom. Things are just easier that way.

By Amecmom on Friday, April 15, 2005 - 07:26 pm:

Ditto to the moms who said go, especially the moms who said leave at night.
My son was almoset 11 months when we took him on an 8 hour drive to Virginia to visit my parents. It wasn't bad at all.
As far as baby proofing, bring a pack n play or travel yard. With your grandma around and all the other ladies "ready to give you baby advice" you're not going to get to hold her much .
Ame