Gwen's teacher called to let us know just a few minutes ago. Apparently, there was an accident this afternoon. Gwen is in 2nd grade. I don't know what to tell her...*if* to tell her. The classmate wasn't one of her close friends, but still a friend. I just don't know what to do.

By Dawnk777 on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 08:26 pm:

Oh, how sad. I think you will have to tell her, since she will notice the girl is missing. I would just say the truth, that there was an accident and the girl lost her life.

By Kathy on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 08:36 pm:

Yeah...I know that I have to tell her. It's just that Gwen is so sensitive and I know that she will take this very hard. I'm going to tell her now.

By Kathy on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 08:52 pm:

OK...I told Gwen. I think she took it quite well considering. She told me that she wants to go to the funeral, which I think we will. I just want to do the right thing.

By Tink on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 08:53 pm:

What a tough thing to go through as a child and as a mom. {{{Kathy and Gwen}}} and prayers for your dd's classmate and family.

By Vicki on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 09:54 pm:

This is something I know all too well. Dd had a classmate die 12/24/03 (3rd grade)of cancer and another die this past 1/2/05 (4th grade). I will say that our school was wonderful and brought in people trained in helping kids deal with death. Neither one of these were a complete shock though. The cancer one we knew was coming and the one this past January happened earlier than they thought it would, but the kids were pretty much aware that it was going to happen at some point. It is allot for kids to take in and in our case, it was doubled. These two kids were in with my dd for the last 2 years and were in the same class. We were part of a looping class where the kids stayed with the same class and the same teacher for 2 years. So they were all very close. I am sure that it might be different in your case since it was unexpected, but the parents of the 2 girls that died were wonderful with the kids. They came in and talked with them about how special they were to their kids and helped them at the funeral and everything. It meant TONS to them that the kids were involved, so I am sure going to the funeral is the right thing to do if your dd is comfortable with it. It meant so much to them to have us all turn out and show what special girls they were to us too. It is a very tough thing to go to the funeral of a child if you have never done it. It is the saddest thing I have ever done in my life and I couldn't hold it together very well, but I wasn't alone. There is no right or wrong. Just do what is in your heart. I am sorry that your school has to go through this, I know it isn't easy! I will think about those kids and keep them in my prayers.

By Amecmom on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 10:29 pm:

Oh my, prayers to you and to the classmate's family ... I hope there will be counseling available for the children in school. Strength and prayers.
Ame

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 01:49 am:

When my kids were in elementary school, an art teacher died of cancer, and then a 2nd grade teacher died of cancer. I think it was harder on the staff, than it was on the kids. I was a lunchlady when the 2nd grade teacher died and sometimes her students would bring it up, but overall, I think they coped pretty well.

By Kathy on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 07:37 am:

Thanks everyone. Gwen seems to be ok this morning, although sad. I checked the news this morning and it was a car accident involving 2 cars.

By Kernkate on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 08:00 am:

that is so sad and its so hard for little ones to understand why at such a young age.
Prayers to this family and to all the classmates.

By Conni on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 08:30 am:

Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear this.

By Eve on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 08:41 am:

Very, very sad. I think you did the right thing. You are really teaching her a lot by letting her grieve over her classmate. Is there going to be a service? Will you take her? I imagine they will talk about it in school too. I'll be thinking about you and Gwen. ((HUG))

By Jann on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 09:06 am:

So sorry for your loss.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 09:12 am:

That is so tragic, Kathy! When I was in 4th grade, a classmate was running in her house and ran through a sliding glass door and died. Our Girl Scout troup went to her funeral. It seemed so unreal and shocking. FWIW, I think you are doing the right thing.

By Sunny on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 12:24 pm:

I was in 7th grade when a classmate who I was friendly with died in a car crash. I still think about her from time to time and wonder if our budding friendship would have lasted.

I'm sorry for Gwen and for the family of her classmate. My only suggestion is to let her talk about it as much as she wants to and be there for her. (((hugs)))

By Bellajoe on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 04:11 pm:

I can't imagine knowing someone who died so young! I have never been in that type of situation (thank God). I am so sorry for your dd's loss. I will be thinking of the little girl.

By Kim on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 04:46 pm:

I am sorry for the child's family and also for all of the kids dealing with this tragedy. I hope your DD is ok.

By Kathy on Thursday, April 7, 2005 - 10:15 am:

I really do appreciate all of your comments. It's been a tough week for everyone in our small town. The obituary was finally printed today and it was one of the most heart-breaking things I have ever read. Tomorrow evening is the wake and then on Saturday morning is the funeral. Gwen would like to go to both and I will bring her if that's what she wants. My other daughter Rachel has been very sad as well. The boy that she likes is Gwen's friend's cousin. He was a passenger in the accident as well and is really banged up from what I hear.

By Eve on Thursday, April 7, 2005 - 03:11 pm:

Oh, this breaks my heart! I'm glad you'll take Gwen if she wants to go. I think it's important part of grief. (I was just talking with my friend who is in Seminary and she was telling me how important it is for children to be able to attend services. Lots of parents choose not to let them go. She was helping a family deal with the loss of a young child and did a lot of research.) ((HUG))