...how to get beer for him from the fridge. I asked her if she was thirsty and she asked for a beer!!!!!!!! I know he's not giving it to her so I guess why it struck me as hilarious at the time but I hope that isn't her drink of choice the next time were out and the waiter asks what she wants, ROFLMAO!!!!

By Meltonmom on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 06:21 pm:

Be careful! Just a friendly warning--some kids think beer is apple juice after the "head" is gone. MM

By Boxzgrl on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 06:26 pm:

We've always kept alcohol out of reach. There are just too many sad stories of children getting ahold of alcohol. I'm assuming he just has her get it for him when he's sitting on the couch. It's always been a joke of his before we had kids that he wanted a kid who would bring him beer whenever he wanted! He's a weirdo.

By Tink on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 07:34 pm:

ROFL, Melissa! I can just imagine her running around with a beer bottle in hand!

By Mrsheidi on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 07:42 pm:

Ha ha ha...too funny!

By Sunny on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 07:58 pm:

I don't find it cute or funny. I was the one growing up who was always sent to get my dad a beer and I grew to resent it. If I said no, he would get angry with me, so I usually did as I was told (not asked) to do. I actually grew to resent it so much that I don't drink at all, though it would have been very easy for me to start. Sorry, I guess I'm the wet blanket.

By Boxzgrl on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 08:43 pm:

Sunny, he doesn't mean it in a bad way. If she gets one, he thinks it cute. If not, oh well. It's not that big of a deal. I doubt she'll grow to resent DH for it.

By Ilovetom on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 09:40 pm:

LOL. Thanks for the snicker.

By Kernkate on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 09:46 pm:

Melissa I don't see anything wrong with that. My kids do it when dad wants a beer. My DS, DSD and DSS did it for Dave {my DH} years ago, probably about 15 years ago and no harm came out of it. If the kids didn't want to get it, no harm has ever came out of it. It wasn't like they were made do if they did it when Dad asked ok if not no big deal.
And none of our 5 kids ever resented their dad for it.
And Melissa so far none of our kids have ever gone out and asked for a beerLOL So I think you are ok...JMO.

By Beth on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 09:59 pm:

My dad taught my nephew who is autistic to call root beer just "beer" he says very few words but he can sure say beer! LOL! I don't think my sister found it as funny.

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 09:59 pm:

Melissa, if she can get the beer in the fridge, it's not out of reach. I would discourage him from doing that. When kids are exposed to alcohol too easily they are more inclined to be *curious* about it and start drinking at earlier ages.

I was raised in a family of alcoholics and I had my first drink at 13. I have also raised 4 kids, and my X is an alcoholic and he would send oldest DS to get him a beer and he ended up having alcohol problems too.

It may seem like *nothing* right now, but believe me, it starts a pattern. JMO.........

By Palmbchprincess on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 10:21 pm:

I also used to grab beers from the fridge for my dad and his friends, though I was a teen and offered since it gave me something to do during Eagles games. LOL We always had beer in our fridge, and some liquor in our house, but I wasn't interested in it, and still don't drink very often. I think it's a matter of teaching kids what's acceptable. I knew my butt was in big trouble if I drank while underage. Even when I went "home" a couple months before my 21st, I asked my mom and aunt if it was ok that I had a drink at a family party. I do agree with Karen about it being too easy to reach in the fridge. My kids get into the fridge frequently, though the worst they can do is pull down a pitcher of juice and make a mess.

By Sunny on Sunday, April 3, 2005 - 10:24 pm:

I wasn't trying to imply that your DD will resent you Dh when she is older, but you did say that he made a joke of teaching his kids to get his beer and I guess I took that the wrong way. My father was an alcoholic and I hated being his gopher, especially when I knew what would happen the more he drank.

It is just my opinion, but if you subsituted the beer for a pack of cigarettes or the forbidden sugar for a diabetic, it might help you to see where I'm coming from. It just rubs me the wrong way.

By Feona on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 07:01 am:

You can let him read this thread maybe he will have a different way of thinking about the beer.

Having had a alcoholic father mother grandfathers.

Alcohol does so much damage. I wish I could tell you what it did you my entire family. But we would be here all day.

By Amecmom on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 08:37 am:

Wow! I didn't read one thing in Melissa's post about her husband being an alchoholic ... I guess I must have missed that

I think it's nice, Melissa, that your daughter wants to do something nice for her daddy.

It's a sad day when all people who drink beer are assumed to be abusing it.

Thanks for the laugh, Melissa.
Ame

By Karen~moderator on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 09:24 am:

I don't think we are assuming he is abusing the beer, Ame. *I* brought up alcoholics simply because I was trying to make a point.

But no one should ever make the mistake of assuming *their* kids would never want to try alcohol at young ages.

And just because it is *out of reach*, does not guarantee that your kids won't find it and drink it.

I am speaking mostly of *older* kids, but it is not unheard of for kids in grammar school to drink, and some are actually truly alcoholics.

Don't make the mistake of being blind to those facts. When kids are raised around parents who drink openly in front of them, they grow up assuming it is OK to drink and thinking that's just what people do. When you send your kids to get your beer for you, you are, in a sense, encouraging that behavior.

My X used to do this with oldest DS, when he was just in grade school, he would get his daddy's beer out of the fridge, pop the top, take a few sips on the way to bringing it to him.

Please, I am telling you all from my experiences, both growing up around alcohol, and being married to an alcoholic, knowing what *I* did as a young teen, and having raised 4 teens.

I am NOT an *alcohol Nazi*, I am just trying to make you see how easy it is for kids to learn a particular behavior.

If I offended anyone, I'm sorry, but this is a serious issue, not one to be taken lightly.

By Kaye on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 10:01 am:

I am also a wet blanket here. I just don't think a toddler holding a beer is cute. I drink on occassion, we don't have a huge history of alcohol issues, but i still think it is an adult thing. My dd just finished dare and they went on and on about how we are so desensitised to beer that we don't see the harm in it. Anyway, whatever, but I wouldn't do it, just like I would let my toddler fetch a cigarette, it sends the wrong message.

By Boxzgrl on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 10:23 am:

I don't think grabbing a beer for DH will turn her into an alcoholic. I think my parenting skills will affect a majority of her views on alcohol. DH is not an alcoholic and neither am I but were both from families with alcoholics and have seen the affect. I've grabbed beers for my parents when I was young and even today I think it tastes nasty.

Oh well, *I* thought it was funny and I don't think DH is encouraging an alcoholic down the line but I respect others' views.

By Jann on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 10:27 am:

Not sure how it's any different than handing him a coke. Also not sure parents hiding their drinking (assuming this is only social and not problem drinking) sends a very good message to the kids either.
I guess I just look at it differently. I haven't told my kids that drinking itself is bad. It's drinking underage and inappropriately that is the problem.

By Kittycat_26 on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 11:11 am:

We taught my cousin who was about Kaitlyn's age to do the same thing. In fact, once he learned his colors he knew the difference between a beer for me and beer for his daddy. It was cute.

The only problem you might have and I say this because we didn't think of it. Kids recognize the bottles and if she picks it up at a restaurant someone may say something. It's a big time no no for restaurants and liquor stores.

But I'm with you Melissa. I think it's cute.

By Amecmom on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 01:41 pm:

As far as being around alcohol and thinking it's okay, I agree. Alcohol was never an issue in our house. Wine on the table in winter, beer in the summer.
I was little, maybe 9 or 10 and always allowed to have a little (and I mean a teaspoon) of wine in my soda or seltzer. I grew up seeing adults drink responsibly. I often got a beer from the fridge for my dad.
Consequently, I grew up with a healthy view of drinking. It was not something you did without food, and certainly not a way to rebel.
It never had a mystique because it was never forbidden fruit.
In high school and college I was never into going out drinking. I thought it was silly actually.
I know others have had different experinces, but this was mine.

By Jann on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 03:01 pm:

Ame, same here.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 06:49 pm:

I also don't think it is a great idea to have a 3 year old fetching beer. Like Ame, I was allowed to have a sip of my dad's beer occasionally, and when my brother and I were about 10 and 12 we were allowed a very small amount of wine at holiday meals, and I did this with my sons. But, I still don't think it is a great idea to have a child fetching beer. I can't give you any concrete reason - it just doesn't feel right.

By Heaventree on Monday, April 4, 2005 - 09:55 pm:

Wow this thread has evoked at lot of different responses and emotions in people.

Melissa, I'm not here to judge, I know you were just posting a funny. I think the title of your thread is very telling though. "I think DH is teaching DD..." Yes he is teaching, children learn by example. Like I said, I'm not judging, I just think this is interesting.

When I was 2 years old my mother mixed a drink for my father and left it on the kitchen table, she then left the room. Guess who drank the whole thing. Needless to say I was wasted for hours. Luckily everything turned out fine and I'm not an alcoholic. So far .

We have casual friends who have a two year old that fetches beer for daddy, I have to say it doesn't sit right with me for reasons that I can't fully explain, they ask him to go and get some of "Daddy's Juice", I think this is a mistake, I don't think beer should be called juice as this could be potentially dangerous for a child.

Anyway I did find an article on the topic that some might find interesting.

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/5552/childrugs.html.

It talks specifically about this issue under the heading:

"Recognize how your actions affect the development of your child's values"

It also goes on about talking to your children about drugs and alcohol.

Cheers!

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 09:18 am:

If I have given anyone the impression that I believe that those actions will CAUSE a child to grow up to become an alcoholic, I apologize, that is not what I meant. Alcohol and alcoholism is obviously a sensitive issue for me. I drink socially. I don't have a problem with people who do the same. I *do* have a problem with underage drinking, and partly because *I* did it! And I DO know that kids live what they learn. BTDT.

Heaventree posted what my message was meant to be - "Recognize how your actions affect the development of your child's values". I guess I didn't get my point across very well.

By Amecmom on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 10:18 am:

Karen, I wasn't picking on you . A whole bunch of posts were warning against alcoholism and I just thought it was a little much considering Melissa was just posting something she thought was cute.

We come from two different experiential backrounds. Alcohol was never an issue, because it was always there. It was never a mysterious, adults only thing. I saw adults using it responsibly. I learned by example. I never had the need or desire to sneak a beer because if I wanted a little with dinner it was allowed. I don't think you become magically able to handle social drinking at 21. I think a whole lot of preparation goes into that.
Ame

By Jann on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 11:51 am:

I seem to be following Ame around saying ditto, but same here, Karen.

By Sunny on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 12:18 pm:

I've gone back and reread my posts and can't for the life of me see where I was warning anyone about alcoholism. I did mention my experience and that my father was an alcoholic, but where did I say that Melissa's Dh had a drinking problem?
If she and her Dh can teach their DD (and any other children they have) to have a healthy respect for alcohol, more power to them. I sincerely hope they can, but a nagging part of me thinks that if they do, they would be in the minority. A step in the right direction may be to wait until she is older and understands better before having her get dad a beer. But, then again, that's just my opinion.

By Boxzgrl on Tuesday, April 5, 2005 - 02:07 pm:

I never assumed anyone was saying DH was an alcoholic or anything negative. I saw both sides of the story. Just thought i'd clarify.

By Conni on Wednesday, April 6, 2005 - 01:59 pm:

My sis had a chocolate lab that could open the frig by pulling on a towel hanging on the door-- he would get a beer out and take it to her!!!!! Talk about a COOL dog. ;)

We dont allow the kids to get beer or wine for us. But we do drink in front of them at dinner and they know it should be done responsibly. Not that we are big drinkers! However, we did have wine with dinner every night in Argnetina... It was the norm there. Interesting how other cultures view things.