I had my heart broken today 
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2005:
I had my heart broken today
We live in a wonderful complex with many young families. Most of the kids like to play together and do so in our front yard. Several kids were playing together this evening while we were eating dinner. Of course, my dks wanted to go out to play after eating. When my son (who many of you know has autism) came out to play before my dd was done eating, one family's kids said he couldn't play with them because he talks funny. He still has a minor speech issue (talks with a lisp and mispronounces the "L" sound) but, otherwise, is indistinguishable from his peers. The older kids started taunting him and repeating the things he said which brought him to tears. I heard him crying and went outside to see what was wrong. Their mother was out on her front porch and saw the whole thing! I brought my ds inside and told the other kids they needed to find somewhere else to play since they couldn't play nicely with Seth but he only thinks I'm a mean mommy for making his "friends" go away. I spoke with the other mom and she said "Well, he does talk funny!" as if that excuses the way they were treating him. I can't imagine letting anyone treat another child the way those kids were talking to Seth! Unfortunately, I'm afraid this is just the first time he'll be teased, not the only.
Sorry Tink. I can't believe that another mom could be so insenstive. Big Hugs to you and your DS.
I was teased a lot as a child for other reasons and it's so hard to understand when you are young. Heck it's hard to understand when you're old like me as well. All I can say is just be as supportive and loving as I'm sure you already are and man would I like to get a hold of that other mom, just for a few seconds!
Take care.
UGH! You did the right thing, even if it hurt him. I know kids will be kids, they do and say the wrong thing a lot, but an ADULT should not only know better, but at the very least keep her own mouth shut. Talking funny, NO, he has a speech impedement, he is working on it. I hope if nothing else comes from this maybe she will think twice next time her kids taunt someone.
Sorry (((Hugs)))
GRRRR!! I can't believe the mother's reaction! How terribly insensitive. As if that excuses her child's behavior. That was a golden teachable moment and she blew it. {{{HUGS}}} to you and your DS.
My DD had articulation delays so I can relate. When she was 4 we were at a playground where she befriended a 3 yr. old little girl. I was within ear shot when I heard the little girl say to DD in a bossy tone, "Stop talking like a baby!" I cringed and was ready to jump in when DD put her hands on her hips and replied boldly, "I'm NOT a baby, I'm in PEECH therapy!" I was so proud of her I could have cried! The little girl replied meekly, "Oh," and they continued to play as if nothing happened. (Her mother apologized profusely, BTW.)
Awww, poor kid, that's awful!! It's pretty disgusting that the mom didn't step in, I'm sure she would have had a fit if one of her children was being teased.
I guess it's not too surprising that such an insensitive mother is raising children who single out another child, and treat him in such an unkind way.
I'm so sorry this happened to you and your son. Seth is lucky to have you for a mom. He will grow up happy, and able to appreciate each person's unique qualities.
I'm sorry some people are not as caring and sensitive.
Nicki
What rude people, from the mom on down to the kids! Sheesh!
{{{{{Hugs}}}}} to both you and Seth. Some people can be so rude.
I am so sorry. Kids are so mean.
I think it is great the way you handled it. It is great you let them play in the front yard like that so you can watch.
I actually think it is great your son noticed the teasing and reacted to it. That is very good.
Sometimes kids directly tell ds to go away they don't want him around. (Usually because there is a set group of cousins or friends or brothers playing.) Ds won't react... He will just smile and try to continue to play with them... Not good.. I have to go over and tell him that the kids just don't want to play with him. Owwww!!!!
Plus I have to explain why they did it. (Usually it is click thing.)
We were looking at a social story picture books.
We are teaching ds how to respond to teasing.
Just letting you know for future.(I know it wouldn't have help yesterday with the mob.)
Your head is big!
Are you teasing me? (Calm voice)
Yes!
Stop teasing me.(calm voice)
You head is too big!
Walk away and Ignore...
You head is too big!
Walk away and tell someone like a teacher or parent. (Or go inside the house)
That is a the script.... If I had know about it when I was small it would have saved me alot of fights myself. Of course it wouldn't have helped last night.
These social stories john is supposed to memorize to help him. We can draw some more to help him with any problem he has too....
Sounds like it was a mob with all the kids copying the mean kids. No hope in that situation. Ouch...
You son may have a speech problem but you can get over that. Getting over being mean with a mean mom is near impossible.
I guess if I was going to write a social picture story about what happened last night...
Someone correct me if I am wrong.. ( I am bad at this..)
We don't want to play with you....
Go find someone who want to play with you...
Like I said this happens with my son... We go to a buzy park with lots of different areas so it should be easier to switch groups... And as you know the kids they are fighting with one minute is best friends with the next minutes...
I'm so sorry, that breaks my heart. I couldn't stand it if that happened to my children. That mother was unreal! (((hugs)))
I am so sorry...and we wonder how kids can be so mean..look at the parents! I feel for your son and you. Don't you wish all parents would teach children that some people are different in many ways, but that doesn't mean they are abnormal and can't be friends with them...makes me sick!
Bless your little one and just be there for him. I was teased for years (I had stabismus and had to wear a patch and glasses in 1st grade) and I was never played with and was taunted...I am now 36 and I remember it well. Hang in there and just give him tons of love and explain that some people just don't understand, but that doesn't make him any less of a wonderful friend to someone. ((((HUGS))))
Amy
How awful! {{{{{Hugs}}}}} My heart goes out to you & your ds.
How heartbreaking, I would not have kept my cool with that mom. My son also has speech issues and kids have been mean to him. It is so hard not to want to wring there necks. ((hugs)) to you and your ds.
My heart just broke reading your story. Kids you can expect to act that way, but an adult and a mother to boot? Unexceptable.
I'm sorry too, Tink. It makes me angry for you. I was teased as a child and I know how much it hurts. I also know how much it hurts as a Mother when someone hurts your child.
Maybe you should talk to the mom today and explain the circumstance of why your son talks funny? Does the mom know? I think she needs to think about her reaction. I think she needs to feel bad. And if she already knows about the autism I would be furious if I were you.
We have an autistic girl down the street and I think she is maybe 14? I explained her situation to the kids as soon as we met her. I would punish them if they EVER made fun of her. They are actually very gentle with her. Her capacity is about that of a six year old. They thought it was funny the first time they heard her talk...they had never seen anyone like her before. I had to sit them down and explain that she wasn't being goofy or funny and that is the way she is. They understood and it was never an issue again. They actually watch out for her as her mom works and sometimes she wanders away from her sister.
Back to topic. Maybe talk to the mom and her kids at the same time? I think they need to know this is unacceptable and why.
So sorry!
I'm so sorry this happened, but good for you standing up to the other mom. How mean!
You don't want those kids teaching Seth how to be mean, anyway.
Hugs to you both.
Ame
I can't believe the Mom did nothing to stop this. I am sorry this happened.
(((Cori and Seth))). Just let me at 'em!! Things like that make me sooo mad. The kids are one thing, but the mom? Ugh! It does hurt so much to see our babies hurt. I've gone through some really hard times with my 5th grader this year and it just stinks when a kiss doesn't make it all better anymore. My heart hurts for you, but Seth is so lucky to have you in her corner loving him, protecting him, and advocating for him!
I am so sorry. I am glad you were able to be there and say something to the other mother. She ought to be ashamed of herself.
Ooohhhh I'm still mad over this whole thing! Print this thread and put it in her mail box! O.K. maybe not the best approach, just tell me where she lives, I'm joking. More hugs to you and yours.
Thanks, everyone! I was a little worried that it was my "momma bear" instincts kicking in and that I should have waited to see how he would handle it. I just couldn't let him get any more hurt.
Trina, I was in speech therapy too, but, luckily, I don't remember ever being teased about it. I was young, though, around four years old.
Feona, we do use social stories and teasing is one of the things we are dealing with but it's a new topic we are covering. I'm also glad that he realized how the other kids were responding to him.
Kim, thank you for choosing to teach your kids about your neighbors disability. Autism can be such a tough thing to understand, even for the parents!
I'm so sorry that so many of us were teased about something, instead of being accepted, differences and all. The mother does know about Seth's autism and still chose to act ignorantly. When our kids began playing together, I let her know so that if he acted inappropriately (crying or being inflexible), she would understand why.
Thanks again, everyone.
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