My son will be 4 next month and is still in diapers! On days that we are here all day, he stays in big boy underwear and I take him every 45 minutes (per his doctor) to the potty. He will pee-pee, but still has accidents in his pants. I don't send him to school (9-12 3days a week) in underwear, and they don't work with him there. I have asked them to, but I can always tell that he has the same diaper on that I put on him in the mornings. We have tried everything! Any advice?

By Dana on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 08:09 am:

No. My son is now 3, went 1.5 wks in real big boy pants. He was doing great. Then he just told me "me all done" I asked for more info and he told me he was done going potty. And sure enough, he was. No matter what I did he would pee on himself and poop. He just decided that the potty is not for him.

Well, at this point it is a mental issue, not a physical "learning" to potty. And I can not win a battle like that. So he is in pullups. I encourge potty time and we do potty time, but without success. So when he is mentally ready to grow up and take the time to potty, we'll be successful again. It's driving me crazy. DD was fully potty trained in her 2nd year. MEN!

By Kaye on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 08:13 am:

Okay well dr phil had a show on about potty training older boys not too long ago.

I guess the questions are, do you think he knows when he needs to go? How is he on a reward system?

If you think he can, then you just have to do it. Pick a day where you will be home for several days. Tell him, mark a calender, and celebrate, no more diaper day. Then bribe the heck out of him. Make a chart, give him stickers, or m&m's, make a deal with him after 3 dry days you can rent a movie, or go to a movie. Ultimately if you make a big deal out of it, he should succumb.

I think a lot of it depends on your child, some are just stubborn, some have issues. With my youngest I had to take the above approach and then some meaness. He knew he needed to go, and just couldn't get over the fear to do it. If I had let him wait it out I think he would still be in diapers (he is a tough kid). But we had already done some sensory integration stuff so we knew what we were up against. Also he was completely aware and smart enough and verbal enough to make this happen.

Only you know your child. If you think he is ready and it is time, then you can make this happen.

By Luvn29 on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 08:30 am:

Well, seeing as how four year olds are often in preschool learning things such as the alphabet and how to behave in school, I think it is an age where he has to be told diapers are unacceptable and he will have to learn to use the potty like all big boys and girls. At age four, children are old enough to understand certain things have to be done and how they are expected to behave. He isn't an infant or a toddler anymore, so he can't be treated as such. You only have one year left to get him used to using the potty all the time before he goes to school.

Maybe part of the problem is that the diaper keeps him from feeling the wetness. I would insist he wear regular underwear with maybe the plastic training pants over them so that he can feel the mess. That may encourage him to use the potty.

I do agree with Kaye. Use a reward system and make a big deal out of it. Make him see how proud you are of him. He is old enough to even understand using the money you save on diapers to buy him something to enjoy. Get some money, show it to him and tell him you have to use it for diapers for him. Tell him if he started using the potty and you didn't have to use that money to buy diapers, you could let him pick out a new toy.

The thing with him being four is that you can really make him understand more than you can a 2 year old trying to train. Use that to your advantage!

Regarding the preschool, at the age he is now, you can't expect the preschool to change his diaper or potty train him. You're lucky they even accepted him in the program because most times being potty trained is mandatory. It's preschool, not daycare, and they don't have the time to take care of a child in diapers at that level.

By Jackie on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 08:40 am:

Potty training is tough.. My youngest is 3 1/2(Will be 4 in August). She is 98% trained. For her, it doesnt matter if she has a pull up on or a big girl panties. If she doesnt feel like getting up and going to the bathroom, she will pee..I remind her A LOT...She wakes up wet. I am ok with that. Its the laziness factor that bugs me. Sometimes she will tell me "I need to go to the potty", and she does go. Other times she gets involved in a computer game, or tv and just doesnt want too. Now, I have a rule, before she plays her Disney games online, she MUST use the potty..I know she knows when she has to go, but she gets lazy..Its frustrating becausae my two older kids were not like that. Once they were trained, they were trained with only a couple of accidents...

By Colette on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 08:58 am:

In the integrated preschool I worked in some of the children were having issues with this. The teacher made a book, complete with pictures - photographs (yes, they had the parent's permission) of the child doing every step of using the potty, unzipping pants, pulling down underwear (don't forget that step, it gets messy), sitting on the toilet, going, wiping, flushing, washing hands and then a picture of he/she being really happy at being a big boy/girl. With some of the sped kids, we had a schedule of the times we took them to the bathroom (unless they had a need to go beforehand), we always took them at 8, 10, 12, 2, and then again right before they got on the bus.

By Tarable on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 10:02 am:

Do you have anything big coming up that he is excited about? a new class or trip? can you use that on him. Only big boys that go to the bathroom in the potty can do that. I know that is how my sis trained her middle son. He wanted to go to summer camp (day camp) with his big brother but couldn't unless he was potty trained.

I know I don't have boys but my youngest wasn't fully potty trained until 5 and she still has problems wetting the bed, but the dr thinks her bladder is just under developed. (she is 11)

Maybe something new for him that would be cool like playing a sport (soccer is really cute at that age)? Or swimming lessons? anything like that. a BIG reward at the end of it all.

By Amecmom on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 12:09 pm:

I am surprised he is allowed in preschool if he's not potty trained. In our preschool children in the three year old class and above need to be trained (no pull ups at all) or they cannot be there.

I have only hugs, and no real advice except just hang in there. He won't go to college in diapers .
Ame

By Reds9298 on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 07:47 pm:

Ditto Ame on the preschool and training, but there is one school here that allows children who aren't trained.

I agree with Kaye in asking what type of reward system you are using, and also with Adena that it really has to be time. He has to go to K in a short time, and then it will be completely and totally unacceptable. I hate to say that but I used to teach K and you just don't want that.

Rewards, rewards, rewards. Also making plans to be home - going no where - and NO pull-ups. I'm a big advocate for those three things for potty training. He does need to feel the mess and that it's uncomfortable, just to be a bit of motivation. Even being completely out of pants, running naked through the house. It will be a mess for you, but it might help to speed things up.

I guess I'm just ditto-ing others. Good luck and hugs! These things can be so frustrating, I know.

By Jtsmom on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 08:59 pm:

He is not in day care it is a private preschool (not pre-K) so they aren't as strict as public schools or day care on potty training.
I told him today that we will no longer wear diapers during the day, no matter where we go. We went to church tonight in underwear, he did great, until the ride home and then he went in his car seat. I had just taken him to the potty at church before we left. But I am still proud of him doing good today. Thanks for the advice. I told him that when he no longer pees in his pants during the day, that I would take him to Chucke Cheese. He is so excited about that!! (I AM NOT) LOL

By Debbie on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 09:04 pm:

My youngest ds had no desire to potty train. Finally, when he was close to 4, I told him it was time. He was a big boy, and I expected him to use the potty like all other big boys. I picked a week when I could be home a lot, and we threw away the diapers, and switched to underwear. I did still use a pull up at night. I had a treasure box with small dollar store items(stickers, bouncy balls, small pieces of candy, matchbox cars, etc) Everytime he used the potty, he got to pick out of the treasure box. If he didn't use the potty, I cleaned him up and told him where I expected him to go. I did not get upset, just used a very calm, regular tone of voice. It only took a few days, and we were done. He is now 7, and if it was up to him, he would still be in pulll ups!! I basically didn't give him an option. The big thing is to reward like crazy, and not get upset or frustrated. Or, at least don't show it if you are!

Good luck. Let us know how it goes!

By Hammockhugger01 on Wednesday, April 16, 2008 - 10:08 pm:

I only have a 15 month dd but my friend told me what she did for her ds. He was three and kept having accidents. She finally told him that he was a big boy and if he wanted to not use the toilet then he would have to clean himself up. She said for three days she heard him changing his own messy big boy pants and then got fed up with doing that and became 100% toilet trained.
Good luck with your ds. My dd is strong-willed and I am not looking forward to tt time.