My ds is two and I'm expecting in September.
Congratulations!! I'm thrilled,excited,blessed.
But it just occured to me , I have no idea what this is going to be like or how my husband and I are going to handle it. I guess, just like with the first , you truly don't know until you are in it.
My ds takes up all my energy unless he is asleep or I am at work (when he still occupies mental energy) And I am fortunate to have a child who is well disciplined, smart ,happy and a joy to be around.Still, he requires constant care and supervision at all times and I don't understand how a baby is going to fit into the picture.I know that it can be done or none of us would be here(except maybe families in China with one child per household).
My mother had three girls within five years and she was always stressed out ,yelling and screaming at us.I don't want to yell at my kids.
I know I have six months to go.By then my ds will be nearly three, hopefully pottying well and in, perhaps a preschool.
I would just like some practical advice and support .I really appreciate it.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 01:07 am:

My kids are 2 years and almost 8 months apart in age. I'm not sure I have any advice. I just did what needed to be done! When I nursed the baby laying down, then I had free hands to read the older one a story.

By Kim on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 08:45 am:

Chloe, I don't know what to say to help. I have four kids and I will admit that with each addition it takes some time to figure out how to schedule things so they are smoother, and even then there are things that just cannot be scheduled. It will also depend on the temperment of the next child. My youngest is very tempermental and needy. I'll try and say this so it sounds right.....I don't think you should worry about it now! Its not something you can control right now and it sounds like it is causing you some stress. I think you should take the rest of your pregnancy and relish being pregnant. Maybe spend some really quality time one on one with your ds. Maybe meditate on other things when this thought pops in your head. I had a similar experience when I was pregnant with my twins and it caused so much worry. Its not worth the stress for you or for baby. Put your feet up and relax, mama!

By Trina~moderator on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 09:23 am:

My kids are 22 mos. apart. I'll be honest and say it'll be rough in the beginning but you WILL adjust and learn how to deal with it all. Keep in mind it won't always be EASY and there will be rough times, but definitely do-able. Your feelings are normal, and I agree with Kim about trying not to worry about it now. {{{HUGS}}}

By Kay on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 01:25 pm:

My first two children are 16 months apart - talk about being scared! It was challenging, but they are so close to each other now (they're a boy and girl). However, I did wait 5 years to have the third.

Go with the flow, and allow your mothering instincts full rein. If you go with your heart (feed them when they're hungry, change when they're wet, sleep when they sleep)

If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't change a thing in the spacing!

By Tink on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 01:32 pm:

I have three kids and the first two are 22 months and the second two are 26 months. It is tough and it does take some adjustment but you DO adjust. And I'm not sure there is much you can do to prepare for it. My first was EASY, my second was a high-maintanence child and my third was easier than the first (mostly because I had a better idea of what I was doing). Check out flylady.net. She has been a great help in prioritizing the important thing and stretching myself out for everyone that needs me. Just make sure that you set aside some time for yourself, some time for your oldest with you and some time with your dh, even if it's just half an hour before bed once a week. Take advantage of any support from friends and family. If they offer to help, ask them to bring by dinner one night or take the oldest to the park so you can have some time with the baby or vice versa.

By My2cuties on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 03:38 pm:

My girls are 20 months apart and it was hard in the beginning but then started going alot better once I got the hang of it. Now I am in it again and this time they will be 23 months apart. I wouldn't worry too much about it, it will come naturally, I think it would have been much easier to have a baby when my daughter was 3, so I think you will be fine. Congratulations!

By Karen~moderator on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 04:51 pm:

My youngest are 15 months apart. My oldest two are 14 months apart. Granted, I didn't have those two when they were that age, but I do have experience with the younger two. And actually, I went from no kids to 4 kinds in a 2-year period.

At times it's overwhelming, but you might be surprised how everything just falls into place. And once your baby is no longer an infant, your kids will spend time together, play together, etc.

I think the hardest thing about having 2 kids so young was leaving the house! LOL It seemed like I was packing for a trip every time we left the house.

One thing I will advise you to do is to encourage your DS to *help* you with the new baby. It may actually, honestly give you some help (he can bring you diapers, etc.), and it will make him feel important, and it will also lessen any jealousy he may feel.

And try to give him some *alone* time with Mommy every day, when the baby is sleeping, or when your DH is watching the baby, etc.

I understand your not wanting to be a screaming/yelling mom - and I can totally relate - my mom had 3 girls in under 4 years, and she was a yelling mom. And since you are conscious of that, if you feel things building up to that point, take a few deep breaths before you say anything.

Probably the best advise I would give to you or any other mom is to not stress over the small stuff. A messy house, diry laundry, etc. will still be there tomorrow. But the time you have with your kids when they are young will pass quickly, even though it doesn't seem like it at the time. LOL

I agree with Kim, try not to worry about all of those things right now. Things will work out.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

By Heaventree on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 07:40 pm:

I feel your pain. DS will be 18 months old when number 2 arrives! Yes, just thinking about it can be overwhelming. We bought DS his own baby doll and everyday we play "Kiss the Baby!" and "Nice, Nice, Gentle, Gentle, Nice Baby".

He's doing very well, we shall see what happens when the real thing arrives.

I have spoken to so many people. A lot said "Have them 2 years apart" others said "My sibling and I are 16 months apart and have always been really close".

I think having children can be difficult at times no matter the age ranges, but I so dislike it when people say "Oh what did you do, it's going to be so hard having two babies".

It's a mind set, Karen gave some very good advice and hey you and I will be there together! I'm due I think sometime in September as well. This is such a great place, even if you just come to vent, there are a lot moms here who have gone through this and more. Tons of great advice and support here.

By Clarabel on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 10:47 pm:

Thanks so much, mamas, for sharing lots of good advice and experience.
My whole problem has always been not being in the moment.I think I have to figure it all out today.
I like the quote "Time is God's way of seeing that everything doesn't happen at once."
I do need a massage.
This board rocks! Thanks again.

By Missmudd on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 11:00 pm:

I have 4, 5 years between 1 and 2, 3 years between 2 and 3, and 4 years between 3 and 4. So I dont really know about having them close together but I have gotten used to and survived all the additions. My advice like the others is, dont sweat it, it will happen, you will cope. Your 2nd child may or may not be like your first. You only get to peek at what they will be like be by carrying them the 9 months and then you will be surprised anyway.

If anybody including the guy at the grocery store asks if he can help you, take them up on it. People generally want to help and dont offer if they dont mean to follow up on it. Friends can cook, let you sleep, play w/ #1, pick up milk at the store on their way home, run to the bank. People will try to help, LET THEM. There are whole legions of women like me who are having no more babies that seriously need a baby fix every once in a while.

And if you are overwhelmed and just cant take company or stimulation say NO alot, as in I am sorry we cant come, the baby is sick, I havent slept. I am sorry we just cant have visitors right now, the house is a wreck and I am not up to company. I love you very much (insert well meaning friend or relative but????) I am sorry we just need a break right now. I will give you a call tommorrow, next week, in a while.

I ran myself ragged when the 1rst 2 arrived thinking I could do everything for everyone all the time. Now I realize I do most everything for most everyone most of the time. It makes me alot less stressed, and I dont think anyone would fault me for it.

By Emdee on Sunday, March 13, 2005 - 11:16 pm:

I just had our second--she is 5 weeks old--and dd#1 is 22 months. It really hasn't been as tough as I thought it would be. I would say just like all the others to not worry now about what it will be like. I have definitely learned how to do many things at once. For instance I usually nurse while doing something else--walking around playing with dd, getting things for her, reading her a book, etc. I also have learned to do things with dd#1 at oppotune times when new baby is calm. I will say that the joy of it all outweighs the negative times. It has been such a joy to watch how dd#1 has grown since "baby sis" has arrived! She now takes her baby doll and mimicks everything I do, from changing diapers to nursing, and it is so cute. And when baby starts crying she will go over to her and pat her head and say "it's okay"--so sweet!! So when you start to get overwhelmed, think about all the joyous times you will have watching the two learn from each other and love each other!

By Reds9298 on Thursday, March 17, 2005 - 09:55 pm:

I have this quote on my fridge, given to me by a fellow K teacher and now it means more to me than ever as a mom...
"With children, the days are long and the years are short." I always try to remember it.

By Dawnk777 on Thursday, March 17, 2005 - 10:10 pm:

Reds, that is so true! The days seemed long when they were little, but how the years have FLOWN BY!

By Annie2 on Saturday, March 19, 2005 - 08:49 pm:

That is a great quote!