Long and sad, but a MUST read
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2005:
Long and sad, but a MUST read
This is the story of a cyber pal of mine, Joyce, who lost 2 children in a crash in 1995.  A very sad, tragic and graphic story, but a strong message from a parent who has learned the hard way how important it is to properly restrain loved ones.
It was March 8, 1995 - Around noon, Laura (almost 5) and Aimee (28 months) were sitting at the table eating lunch when my dh came home from work early. Dh and I were standing in the kitchen and he was telling me that he had to go see his Grandparents which lived in the next County (about 40 miles away). He wanted me to come and bring the kids so they could see their great Grandparents. It was pouring rain all day that day, I had a bad headache and Aimee was just about to go down for her nap. I was really looking forward to laying down with her to try to get rid of my headache. The kids overheard their dad say where he was going and they REALLY wanted to go too. So against my better judgement (little did I know then) we went along.
So we quickly get our rain coats on and head out. I buckle Aimee into her COSCO shield booster. We had a 1988 Dodge Caravan that had lap only belts in the back. She was boosted up high the way she liked it so she could see out the window. The other thing a 1988 Dodge Caravan doesn't have in the back seat are head rests. SO she was boosted up just enough to have no head support AT ALL. Laura climbs in after her and buckles her lap belt, but probably doesn't even pull on the tail to tighten it. At the time the law in our State was 4yrs/40lbs and like so many other Mom's I was very glad to ditch the car seat for my "big girl".
We arrive at the Grandparents house safe and sound despite the horrible rain we drove through. We had a good visit, and we head out for home with the kids restrained the same way they were on the trip over. As the sun went down it got colder and the rain had turned to sleet. Dh was driving and I was in the passenger seat. The roads were getting slick and I was anxious to get home. We were driving on a two lane road. The kind where you have the two solid lines and the dotted lines when it's okay to pass the car in front of you. We were cresting a hill when all the sudden out of no where a car was in our lane. We didn't see it until we crested the hill. The other car was passing an entire line of cars on a solid double line. Dh's reaction was to pull our van to the side of the road to avoid this car, well that is exactly what the other car did too. He couldn't get back in his line of cars and instead of just heading straight ahead and letting us pull over he swerved to his left, lost control and we t-boned him. His speed was averaged later at about 80 mph! All this happened in just seconds. There was no time to think about what was the best evasive action, you just react. Well this driver was 16 years old, had his license for all of 1 week.
It sounded like an explosion inside of the car. I realized quickly that Laura was actually on my lap. Her breathing was very slow and I wanted to give her some breaths to help her. I know she wasn't getting in enough air. She would take a breath and then nothing for the longest time and then take a breath. My left arm was pinned and I tried and tried to get it free to help her, my right arm was obviously broken so badly that I had no control over it. I just desperately wanted to be able to get one of my hands to her face but I was completely unable to move. I just sat there watching her lips turn blue between breaths. Then I look over at dh. His entire body was plastered to the steering wheel. The entire steering column was crushed by his torso (no seatbelt). I could see that he was breathing. I started screaming his name. He woke up, peeled himself off the steering column and looked over at me. His entire face was so full of blood that you could only see his eyes - it was quite a sight. I told him Laura needed help breathing. When I yelled it snapped him out of his "trance" and he quickly looked in the back seat.. He told me later that he would never describe to me what he saw because he didn't want me to have to picture that.
A woman was at my window pretty quick (the glass was completely broken out). She asked me my name, I told her and then asked her please to help Laura. She took Laura's vital signs and told me that she was breathing enough to get air and her vitals were good and she wasn't going to touch her. This lady was a nurse. So I ask her about Aimee in the back. She says there is another person in the back. I said yes, the baby - Aimee. So she sticks her head in the window and shines her flash light in the back. She yells again for her boyfriend to please help her get the sliding door open. She climbed in the back and I heard her start CPR. I heard her tell her boyfriend to get back on the phone to 911 and tell them there were 4 passengers, 2 pediatric in critical condition.
Ambulances started arriving. The first paramedics wisked Laura off my lap and took off with her first. Then they got the sliding door open and took Aimee just as quick. Pete sitting in the back of the ambulance wrapped in blankets. He was begging them not to take him until I was out of the car. They kept telling him I was not dead but he didn't believe them. They had covered my head with a blanket because it was sleeting and because they had to cut me out of the car. When they put the blanket on my head he thought I was dead. They finally got him calmed down enough to get him in the ambulance and off to the hospital. He had a broken sternum, collar bone and a few ribs, a ruptured spleen and lots of bruises.
It took them a long time to cut me out of the car. Then I'm listening to the radio and I hear someone say pediatric DOA - Well I knew what that meant. They tried to tell me they were talking about the other driver but I knew they were talking about Aimee.
Aimee indeed had passed on. Her neck was broken upon impact because of no head support. Laura was taken to Children's hospital in DC and was on life support for 3 days. She came completely out of her lap belt in the back, struck her head on the roof and landed on my lap in the front. Her brain swelled up and there was nothing they could do for her. They brought her by ambulance to my hospital the day they turned off the life support. They laid her in my bed with me and let her lay there for a while until I started getting upset. Then they took her to her father's hospital room and did the same. Then they took her back to Children's and turned off the machines. She died peacefully (I'm told) about an hour later.
The funeral for the girls was delayed for 15 days because the doctors wouldn't' let me go until then. I told them they couldn't have a funeral until I was allowed to go. I ended up being transported there by ambulance and then had to return to the hospital for several days.
I was months in physical and psychological therapy. I'm actually doing great. My faith has been my ROCK! I'm married now to a wonderful man now who has trained to be a CPS technician because I wanted him to. We have 3 more beautiful children and even though I'll never completely emotionally heal, the pain is not like a raw slice in my skin anymore. I can look back on memories and laugh and I am SO thankful for the time that God let me be Mommy to Laura and Aimee. I'm so thankful that even though we had like NO money I was able to be at home with them during their short time here on earth. I know they are not suffering anymore like I am AND that I WILL see them again one day.
Joyce - Child Passenger Safety Technician
OMG...how do you go on after something like that?
I just hugged both my dk's, I can not even imagine...I don't think I want too.
I am in tears. I can't even imagine what she has been through. I just can't imagine that much pain.
I am so grateful for the information on child safety I have gathered from this site. Thank you.
What a horrible horrible nightmare. My heart is just aching. What courage this woman has to tell her story to keep others from making the same tragic mistake.
Wow, that's so sad.
How horrible. I commend her for making some good come of it and not just losing herself in her grief. I do have a question...she says she is now married to a great guy...did her first husband end up dying from the accident? Or did they divorce? I can see how such a trauma could unfortunately tear people apart. My heart goes out to her.
Wow I'm crying my eyes out, thats horrible. Kate I was wondering the same thing about the husband. How do you go on? Amazing.
Please make sure your children are properly restrained in any vehicle in which they ride. This is a terrible tragedy. Unfortunately, this could happen to any of us.
Kate, her first husband survived, although he also suffered multiple injuries. They divorced after the crash. The trauma did tear them apart. Apparently he is still not doing well.
I hesitated sharing this but I meet so many people who take child passenger safety lightly because they don't think it's a big deal or they have the "it won't happen to me" attitude. Well, it IS a big deal and it CAN happen! Ask Joyce.
What a horrible tragedy!!! Joyce has a lot of courage to share her story, however, writing it out may be very therapeutic for her. She is also helping to inform others, in the hope that they can avoid a similar trauma.
As the Mom of two teenaged boys (who don't yet drive), I wondered what happened to the boy. Though his error caused SO much pain, he has parents, too.
OMG! I can not imagine. What a horrible horrible tragedy. And for the mother to not be able to help her daughter even while she was lying on her lap, that must have been awful.
I will definitely be keeping my kids in their boosters for as long as they should be.
That is so horrible. Stories like this is what makes me pay a little more attention to detail.
I always put my girls' carseats in another vehicle myself, I just do not trust alot of people. I am amazed at how many people actually do not put a carseat in correctly or the people that don't buckle them in it correctly.
Hol, the teenage boy died instantly at impact.
I am so very glad that your friend went on to have more children. I am also very glad she shares her story. I think people that are caught with their children unrestrained should have to go to a class or something and have to be exposed to stories like this.
|
Members
