Ok...*deep breath*... After looking at the history on my pc i saw that my son went to about 10 different porn sites and watched about 10 mini porn movies that were XXXXXXXXXX rated. Need less to say his pc time will be monitored..and it usually..but i had to pick up some milk and left him here. But what else do i do? Do i freak out and punish him or take it in stride? Im a therapist for teens (how ironic, right?) but i am drawing a blank..all the stuff i learned in grad school and undergrad has left me. I am really over here tripping..my BABY WAS WATCHING PORN *shaking my head*. Somebody give me some advice and help me calm down..I havent talked to him yet..i will most likely wait until tomorrow.

By Mrsheidi on Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 10:24 pm:

OOHHH...so sorry...maybe you should take a while and ask some of your male friends. I think it's best from a male's perspective. Remember, it IS your computer, your house, and your rules. What a shock...I'm so sorry. Take a day or two to settle...

By Palmbchprincess on Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 10:30 pm:

At 12, I think he's naturally curious, but needs to understand you do not allow that stuff in your house, and why. I notice in your profile you mention male friends, perhaps a close male friend or relative could talk to him? I'm sure it's a whole different ball game when it's your own child vs. teens you work with, so go easy on yourself. As far as punishing him or taking it in stride, that depends on your personal feelings about the situation. Obviously, he is underage, and should not be looking at porn regardless.Maybe a certain amount of time grounded from any PC activity, and other stuff like no Playstation (or whatever he enjoys a lot). I'm sure some of the other members will have some creative punishments to help in the lesson here. BTW, welcome to the boards, I'm Crystal. You can check out our profiles by clicking on our names. I grew up in South Jersey, I miss the Philly area a lot!! (I'm in TX now)

By Truestori on Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 10:46 pm:

Hello and Welcome to Momsview!

He is oviously curious, which is quite natural. Don't panic, he is a normal, teenage boy. I truly don't think I would punish him. Have you talked to him about sex and intimacy? It is important that children have this talk with their parents. I work with teens and do H.I.V. and Hepatitis awarness and you wouldn't believe what sex practices they describe they have tried. I'm sure the majority of his friends have asked if he has seen such and such website and then the curiosity begins. If you aren't comfortable talking with him then a male friend could really help you out. Just make sure that he is instilling the same values that you have.
Goodluck

By Phillygirl on Sunday, February 13, 2005 - 11:07 pm:

Thanks guys...Im calming down some..I think..lol. I defintely am going to have his dad and one of my friends, whom he respects a great deal, talk to him. We have had the sex talk..maybe not as detailed as it needs to be..so guess what!! we will be having that talk this week! I think he would be more omfortable talking to a guy so Im gonna let his dad do the nitty gritty stuff. As far as punishment..he will not be allowed to use the computer unsupervised. And Truestori..I think ur right..i think someone from school gave him the web address. Lawd can someone please invent a pill that will either make children younger ( it was easier when he was 3-5) or older (adulthood).

By Trina~moderator on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 06:46 am:

Welcome to MV, Phillygirl! The only thing I can add to what has already been said is to get some parental control software that won't allow adult sites to be viewed. We have Norton Internet Security and can block adult sites. Cyber Patrol is also an option, and might even offer a free trial version.

By Ginny~moderator on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 08:29 am:

Hi, Ariesha. I'm just outside Glenside, slightly north of Philly, and lived in West Mt. Airy and Germantown from 1966 to 1992. Glad to see you.

Having raised three boys, I do know what you are worried about. I know that by the time my oldest was 12 we had already had conversations about sex (don't), STD's (don't, but when you are older, be very very careful), and the whole range of respect yourself and respect the person you care for. Didn't have the internet, so I didn't have your problem. I would, however, definitely invest in Norton Internet Security and use the parental controls (as a nice side effect, it not only does the anti-virus stuff, it sorts your email into spam/not-spam and blocks most popups and ads).

Before dad talks to your son, be sure you and dad are on the same page about pornography. Truestori is right, some men view pornography as quite harmless and believe it is natural for them to want to watch it (I disagree, strongly!).

Having raised three sons to the point where the youngest is now 37 (and moved back "home" almost two years ago), you don't stop worrying after the move out - you just have less information.

Oh, and, by the way, welcome to Momsview.

By Mrsheidi on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 09:13 am:

Hi again...that is true. Make sure you and his father are on the same page. For some, it can be addicting eventually. He might need to understand that, while his sexuality is normal, exploring these avenues is not appropriate.

Websites can save stuff on your computer and lure him even further. He needs to know that, by going to these websites, he is making a "hit" on a website causing them to make more money (ie, advertisements, etc) and that these women (and this is solely my opinion) need to get money some other way. I feel that men who continuously go to these sites are propagating the degradation of women. If they didn't get money from it, they wouldn't do it. (Most of them spend money on drugs anyway, so that is propagating that habit as well. Trust me...my cousin's wife had a website for a "massage company"...they made money, but they spent it on drugs to "get them by". Long story. Their lives are ruined because of it.)

He does need to know what's behind the scenes of pornography and how it can negatively affect his relationships with women. I am not at all saying he's making it a habit, but it might make the most impact if you tell him that the girls in his life (now and future) will appreciate him more, knowing he's not into that.
All in all...it must be hard to view those same eyes you did when he was 5...like you want to rewind the clock. It's even harder when he's your own. You must be a real good mom though...you sound involved. He is so lucky to have you!

By Imamommyx4 on Monday, February 14, 2005 - 08:51 pm:

Three boys here myself. DH put a filter on our computer for that very reason when the boys were home and in their teens. The oldest ds was the biggest problem about that. And I'm not sure that this is the best answer, but it's what my dh felt and talked to the boys about. He gave the oldest a Victoria's Secret catalog. he told him that what he was looking at on the internet was extreme and not about love with someone precious to you. And viewing such material was not going to be allowed. But on the softer side of that he told the boys that he agreed that girls smelled nice and were nice to look at. So as long as they kept the VS to themselves, not shared it with friends or little bro.s they could have that to look at pretty ladies but that would be the boundary of what would be permitted in our house. I saw it as sort of a compromise. DH said he can remember being very curious at that age and made to feel like trash for even thinking about it and he didn't want the boys to feel like that.