I am at my wits' end. Madison is a sweet little girl when she wants to be, but those moments are getting rarer by the second. This child is insufferable most of the time, she doesn't listen at school or at home, blatantly disregards instructions, talks back or grunts when told to do something, will NOT clean her room, steals stuff, breaks stuff, and lies. We tried incentives, she doesn't care. We tried taking away her toys, including all her new stuff from Christmas, she doesn't care. She pretty much NEVER has TV privileges, she doesn't care. Nothing gets to this child, and her behavior is AWFUL. When asked to clean her room, she says "It's going to take forever!!", I've set a timer, helped guide her through tasks, and her room still doesn't get clean. I'm not talking a little messy, I'm talking about hording food, trash, stealing scissors and cutting stuff up, writing on things with markers, and just generally being destructive. The stealing things, that really gets me. She steals food on a regular basis, even though she has access to whatever she needs as long as she asks. She steals my jewelry, I found one of my iPods in her room last night, my glasses, my tweezers, just random stuff all stashed in her room. She'll have accidents in her clothes, and hide them, until the smell gets so bad I have to tear everything apart. This is the first time she has had her own room, and I tried very hard to make it a great space for her, let her pick the color, bought her curtains and sheets with Disney Princesses, and still she doesn't care for it. I just found a bunch of dog poop that she had stuck in a toy box. I know it's not her age, because ever since getting his own room, Shane has taken great care of it. He still makes messes, and his storage drawers are cluttered, but he makes his bed, picks up his stuff, and cleans up trash. I give them each $2 a week for allowance, and they have to put some in a save jar, a charity jar, and a spend jar. This is the first week that Madison did not get hers, because not only did she not take care of her room, she refused to do any chores, and Shane is often picking up her slack. At school, she talks out of turn, won't follow directions, and is in trouble 3-4 days a week. I don't know what to do, I can't keep living like this, and I don't get to spend any fun time with her, because she's constantly in trouble. Any advice would be appreciated, I'm losing my mind here!! TIA

By Tonya on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 - 12:41 am:

Have you thought about having her tested to see if there is something wrong emotionally? Or have you tried to sit her down and ask her what is wrong with her. Does she have a reason for this possibly?

Or can I ask did this start when you split them into seperate rooms could she not like being alone as much as you think she does.

I went through this somewhat with Timmy when he was 4-5yrs old and he was diagnosed off the charts ADD/ADHD. He is now on regular meds and things are great.

By Kittycat_26 on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 - 08:15 am:

Except for the hording things, you could be talking about Timmy. We're having some real issues at school and I'm about ready to scream.

He talks back, doesn't listen, won't do anything, pretty much ignores anyone talking to him. I've taken away his cartoons, I've made him go to his room, I've smacked his mouth for talking back and it just doesn't seem to matter.

Our latest was that he spit on someone's forehead at the before school program. Now, I have a feeling that there is more to the story than I am getting from the teacher but still....he knows he shouldn't have done this but he did it any way.

I'm sorry to hijack but I sooooooo have sympathy but no answers.

By Tarable on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 - 09:20 am:

Have you tried having her talk with the school counselor? I would call the counselor and see if you can see her/him and ask if maybe they can talk with her and give you some direction if there is something else that needs to be done.

BTW.. you are totally describing my youngest dd at that age.. she was going through a lot at home and just needed someone to show her how it was appropriate to release her anger and frustration.

Good luck and if you need to talk to someone who has btdt my email is tarable 2 at gmail dot com

By Crystal915 on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 - 01:52 pm:

Thanks ladies. They have a really crappy school administration, they are going to go to a different school next year, and I only kept them in this school for kindergarten because they have good teachers. I will still check with the office, I don't even know if they have counselors! Her teacher is frustrated as well, we're all trying everything we can with her. We moved into this house in November, I'm not sure it's the separate rooms, because it became apparent that she was the one causing the same issues in their old room, and both were being punished for it. Shane was having some anger issues over the summer, but they have stopped. The only thing I can think of is she misses her dad, she mentioned that the other day.

By Tarable on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 - 02:03 pm:

That is actually the reason that my dd acted (acts) like that. She has not lived with her dad since she was about 18 months old, but she seems to miss him more than my older dd. Good luck. I know the school counselor really helped (and still does) when she is having problems, especially with how to show her anger/frustration/missing him in a proper or at least more constructive way.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 - 05:03 pm:

....Crys.... She needs to talk to someone, her behaviors would be typical for a child acting out.

By Debbie on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 - 06:03 pm:

Crystal, I would see if there is a school counselor she can talk to. If not, I would check with her doctor for a referral for someone she can see. She seems to be taking things to the extreme with her behavior. It doesn't seem like a "phase" she is going through, but something bigger. I would definitely try to get some help before it gets worse.

{{{hugs}}}

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, February 12, 2008 - 06:57 pm:

My concern is more for her making an impression on the people around her that she won't be able to erase later in life.

I have a dear friend whose grandson had separation issues, wanted to be with Grandma, feared she would leave him too. So he messed himself, threw fits/melt downs, hit kids, bit, stole you name it every day his Grandma was called to the school, and he got to go home, he didn't understand that the bonus of getting to go home was going to give him a reputation. Now he throws fits because the kids make fun of him, for the things he did and she is still having to go in and get him. It becomes a cycle of issues, if you don't step up as the adult and learn how to teach her to gain some control over these situations. That would of course be assuming that their aren't any underlying developmental issues, she might have.