Discipline for a 15 month old??
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Discipline for a 15 month old??
After an abrupt change in daycare classrooms, my 15 mo old is having a hard time. At home, he's suddenly gotten very whiney and insists I carry him everywhere. When I do something he doesn't like, or sometimes just randomly, he throws a fit screaming and crying and running off to a corner.
I don't know how to react, because if it's the daycare change, I'm supposed to comfort him, right? And if he's really just throwing tantrums, I'm not supposed to baby him?
I've heard conflicting ideas on discipline at this age. My hubby is instilling time-outs, and I don't know if he even understands what he's done wrong. But I know he'll walk all over us if we don't set boundaries. Any ideas on positive discipline and what's appropriate for what age?
Thanks!
B
When dd would throw fits at that age, I would calmly tell her that mommy does not yell at her and she would not yell at mommy. If she would start to calm down, I'd stay with her. If it was a tantrum for no good reason, I would sit her on a mat and tell her to stay until she stopped yelling. Then I would check on her every couple of minutes to see how it was going. Do encourage them to try to tell you why they are upset after they have calmed down. It's okay to be angry but not to yell and scream.
I did the same thing with playing on the fireplace hearth when she could barely stand up. I would tell her not to get on it, if she did, I would sit her down on the mat and tell her mommy said no. I didn't leave her on the mat more than a minute or two before I would tell her NO FIREPLACE and let her get up. After that she would crawl over to it, start to get on it and look at me. I'd say no and she'd go about her way.
These techniques work with my dd but never worked with ds's. But then I'm different now, there is only her now, I'm more patient, etc.
There are tons of good suggestions. Like when you see him making a choice, offer a small treat or reward toward a treat. Keep on until you find what works for you.
Also is the fit due to him having lack of control in his life. Somebody moved him to another place without his say or any control in the matter. DD had some issues at around 2 with fits. I started offering her choices where she could make the decision. Like in the morning I would pick 2 outfits out of her closet and ask her to pick one.
I'd offer waffles or cereal for breakfast. And she got to choose. She loves to read but sometimes wanted to watch tv. So if we watch tv until lights out, then no book. But she got to choose. Her choices are always something I can live with. Don't ask open ended questions like do you want to eat breakfast and don't give too many choices. That is frustrating for them, too.
I wish I could tell you these were my ideas, but I got them out of a book. And watch Supernanny or Nanny 911. They give lots of good ideas to put in place. You may even say, that's my kid.
My dd is a little older--21 months--but time out has worked wonders lately! She is extremely well behaved to begin with (just has that pleasant personality), but lately seems to have control issues, i.e. wanting to keep clothes on instead of pj's, wanting certain shoes--you get the picture--and will throw fits for what she wants. I started putting her in time out and after a few attempts she changes her behavior and does what I ask with a smile on her face. We did this for a week or so and now it seems the fits have lessened quite a bit. Now if she starts to do something wrong--like throw something at me--I ask her if she needs to go calm down. The other day she said yes and went to her room and shut the door. After a minute I went and checked on her and she was pleasant and ready to come out. I think kids need to calm down just as much as we do sometimes-but it takes them being at the age where they can comprehend the behavior.
Sounds like separation anxiety, which happens to be quite normal, but the abrupt change at daycare probably brought it on.
Hope these articles help. I referred to BabyCenter.com often when my kids were little. 
Separation Anxiety
Discipline Strategies - Toddler
At that age, kids are such little manipulaters and they don't even know it yet. (my opinion) Just be consistent, whether it is to cuddle and support them or to give them time out. This too shall pass. Any change at this age for us became a dramatic affair.
We put our Christmas tree up last year and had to move some furniture to make it fit. You would have thought Timmy's world was ending. We went on and on and fussed and fussed. I was pretty sure I was going to lose my mind and then as soon as it started it stopped and we moved on to the next crisis.
I found redirecting worked great at this age. However, when my ds's would throw a big tantrum, I would put them in their room and tell them that they could come out when they were done. This gave them a chance to calm down.
My oldest ds does not like change. He would get clingy and out of sorts when it happened. So, the change in daycare could be the cause of his change in behavior. Also, Trina has a point about seperation anxiety.
Thanks for the great ideas, you guys. I asked his teacher about it today, and she said he's doing the same thing at school. My drop-off seems to go on all day, I guess. The student interns have been taking turns holding him, so I'm thankful for their attention.
I love your ideas about choices, Ima. Because he's very aware of wrong behavior-- he'll reach for the space heater with an evil grin on his face, just waiting for me to catch him. So maybe the positive reinforcement is a good avenue right now.
Today we had our first evening like the "old days," a combination of redirecting, I think (dh was in a good mood for a change), and maybe the beginning of adjustment? I'll check out those websites, though. I can have all the answers and clear intentions in the world during downtime, but it seems like everything he does is some new scenario I have to rethink.
Thanks for all!
Brigitte
Younguns--just as soon as you think ya got 'em figured out, they go and change the rules.
Dr. Phil has a good list of age appropriate discipline techniques:
Birth to 18 Months
Effective:
Positive Reinforcement
Redirecting
Ineffective:
Verbal Instruction/Explanation
Time-outs
Establishing Rules
Grounding
Withholding Privileges
18 Months to 3 Years
Effective:
Positive Reinforcement
Redirecting
Verbal Instruction/Explanation
Time-outs
Ineffective:
Establishment of Rules
Grounding
Withholding Privileges
HTH!!!!
Amy
Mom to 17mo Garrett
STICKERS!
With my second daughter, I have become a STICKER mommy! I even find myself (LOL) checking out stickers at Wal Mart, Dollar General, my peace and sanity all depend on a little piece of shiny paper with glue on the back.....
My second daughter, even at toddler age, responded very well to a sticker poster. We used it for potty training and for tantrums. She had a terrible tantrum stage, made me nuts! But stickers, for her, work. I find all children are different. What motivates one child may mean absolutely nothing to another. But it is worth a try.
Make the poster bright, neon LOUD glittery colors. Put a photo of him on it or something. At his age, it should be very simple. I called my dd's first one THE POTTY POSTER then I called the one we used for her tantrums simply SARAH'S POSTER. We used very simple expressions, simple rules, clear yes and no. For great behavior, she got a nice big, glittery sticker. She loved it. She likes having her "rewards" posted on a wall for all to see. Nice, big, glittery, colorful stickers. Kind of like loving to see "my name in lights" kind of thing....
She's just fixing to turn 5 Feb. 11 and now she earns treats, five stickers equal one treat for cleaning her room or eating her veggies or whatever....but in the beginning, the sticker was enough.
Cute story....the other day I heard her playing with her pet cat and she said, "God Job Fluffy! Now, WHERE did I put those new STICKERS?" I swear she did, of course, I peeped in, to make sure it was a pretend sticker and also to make sure the cat was okay....she was and my DD pantomimed putting a sticker on a pretend poster.....LOL!
Hope that helps.
AJ
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