Let me start with saying Scott (my 37 year old son who has been living with me for the last 20 months) doesn't like to shave. He sleeps 'til the last minute in the morning (hard to do with a Rottweiler dancing to be taken out), it irritates his skin a bit, he isn't dating right now, and mostly he works with mice and monkeys and computers, and they don't care. He also wears jeans and sweaters or t-shirts to work, topped off with an old army khaki wool jacket (like a flight jacket), because at work he is wearing scrubs or, if working with the monkeys, armor. This morning he was particularly short on sleep, didn't shave of course, and hadn't shaved for 3-4 days.

He tells me that he stopped at the WaWa near his work place to get his coffee mug filled, and was standing outside drinking his coffee, when this matronly woman came up to him, said, Oh, you poor man, and pressed a dollar bill into his hand.

When he got to work and was meeting with his boss he related this story, and the message from his boss was, well - we know you and love you (or at least respect your skills) and mostly the clients like you and respect your skills, but you really do look like a bum today. And you should shave more often because you don't look professional.

He swears, hand on his heart, that this event happened.

As I said, I don't know whether to laugh or to cry, or do a little Indian dance of celebration (behind a closed door, of course).

I think he will be shaving more often.

Oh, and I asked him what he said to the woman. He said he figured she was being kind and he really did look like a bum, so he said "Thank you, God bless you."

By Hlgmom on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 08:18 pm:

Crying and laughing are probably both in order! Perhaps it will be a nice wake up call for him! How are you handling him living at home at that age??!!?? It must be difficult!

By Missmudd on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 08:36 pm:

OMG you made me laugh. Out of the mouths of babes or in this case little old ladies. This should be a wake up call that he is looking scruffy if someone actually thought he was homeless. And so much better than if you told him, or even his co-workers.

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 08:39 pm:

It works pretty well, generally, as I have enough room so that he has his own space on the second floor, my space is on the first floor, as are the common areas, and we get along pretty well most of the time. And both of us are big on respecting the other's privacy and the right to not be sociable. We both lead our own lives, keep the other informed about schedules (I had some battles with him about that, which boiled down to I don't want to know where you are or with whom or what you are doing - I just want to know when to start worrying), worked out the money issues really easily, and most of Scott's (and my) bad habits are either congruent or don't upset the other. My neighbors like him, he either likes them or is courteous to them, and he recognizes the necessity to do some things not because you want to but because there is a sort of community responsibility in a neighborhood like mine (like mowing the lawn when you really don't feel like it and would like to let it go another week, because if you don't some neighbors feel it looks bad for them).

I am one who says what is bugging me as soon as I realize it is bugging me (and also prioritizing what I will and won't let bug me), so if I am not happy with him about something I say so. He is still feeling "grateful" and not wanting to upset me, but he is working at trying to let me know if he is bugged about something early on before it becomes a big issue, so that is working better.

I generally don't pick up after him, he doesn't pick up after me, we share the loading/unloading the dishwasher and household chores pretty evenly, and our schedules are such that we're generally not wanting to shower at the same time. Sometimes we have gridlock at the washing machine but that is negotiated pretty easily. We have pretty much the same attitude about housekeeping in the shared areas. I occasionally have to see his area (second floor, so I don't go up there very often), but I try not to look. It's not unsanitary but oh my, it is messy, even by my standards.

I love his dog and like his cat, and the mice and frog are in his bedroom so they're not my problem.

It's nice having him around for a lot of reasons. One is that he is good to chat with, and we have really free-ranging talking most evenings. Last night we went from Bush to Iraq to the Tsunami victims to, of all things, Fatty Arbuckle - and it all made sense. When I was living alone after Mom died, I had some worries about what would happen if I got really sick or if I fell and hurt myself, and it's nice not to have that worry. And when Scott was living alone and having some real emotional problems I'd worry terribly if I didn't hear from him or if, when I heard from him he sounded not good - having him here I can keep tabs on that without actually calling and being intrusive, so I worry a lot less.

We've had situations, most of which arise from Scott having some pretty bad problems with depression and being hospitalized a couple of times, but he is doing much better on managing that and I am starting to feel optimistic.

So, on the whole, it is a good situation for me and, from what Scott says, while he'd really rather be living totally independently for reasons mostly having to do with self-image and macho-ness, he finds it a pretty good situation for him.

By Hlgmom on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 08:50 pm:

sounds like it is good for you both! What does he do with animals?

By Happynerdmom on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 08:53 pm:

Sounds like a nice situation for you! Too funny what the lady did today!!

By Ginny~moderator on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 10:13 pm:

He is a veterinary technician in an animal gene therapy unit at the Hosp. of the Univ. of PA, overseeing the care of animals used in research, anywhere from 5,000 or so mice to a couple of dozen monkeys, supervises a bunch of people who do the hands on day-to-day work, does a lot of planning, inventory and oversight stuff, teaches research assistants how to handle the animals, a lot of surgeries (like vasectomies on mice, transplanting mice in uteri from the pregnant mouse to another mouse), and a whole bunch of other stuff I don't begin to understand, but it sounds interesting - and he really likes animals much better than he likes people, so it is a good fit.

By Kate on Thursday, January 13, 2005 - 10:34 pm:

I would do the happy dance behind the closed door. And laugh like crazy.

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, January 14, 2005 - 05:47 am:

Kate, that's what I did.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, January 14, 2005 - 07:41 am:

ROFL Ginny. I needed that laugh!

By Rayanne on Friday, January 14, 2005 - 04:10 pm:

By Pamt on Friday, January 14, 2005 - 04:20 pm:

It happened to my FIL once too, when he sat on a bench and talked to a panhandler. Too funny Ginny!