My daughter has a problem and I don't know if I am making it worse or doing the right thing. Can someone give me an outsider’s view? My daughter got in an argument with a girl at school. They are in 8th grade. The girl went home and put up a hate web site about my daughter. A whole site about just her and she emailed it to all her friends. Then the phone calls from boys really bad phone calls. Then the threats at school and the letters passed around with really bad things. We called the police, made a report, talked to parents, talked to principals and it's not doing anything. We finally got a phone call from a couple of the parents involved but its not been very sincere and the mother of the girl causing all of this keeps saying that her daughter would never do this. Even though I have it in writing (I've printed of the computer screen the things that she is saying.) My daughter is afraid to go to school afraid not to go to school. The vice princ. Even said that she thought Kristi should stay at home because they were going to suspend a couple of the girls for an incident that happened to my daughter yesterday. Please. Someone give me some advice.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 12:27 pm:

Have you shown the principal/vice principal the stuff you have printed out?? Perhaps, since this has extended into the school arena, they can use that when confronting the other girls' parents. And if this girl has made a web page that is slandering your DD, it can be traced back to her. Check with your local police and see if they have someone who deals with computer crimes, they may be able to help you there.

I know this is incredibly hurtful to your DD. And IMO, the girl who is instigating all these hateful things has some serious problems. Unfortunately there are always kids with parents who think *their* kids do no wrong and it's hard to convince them otherwise. They choose to live in denial and believe the lies they are told.

If I were you, I'd pull out all the stops with the police and the school administration. Certainly the school administration and counseling department must realize how this will affect a teenage girl.

I'm sorry, I guess I don't have much advice for you. I hope it's resolved soon.

By Unschoolmom on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 12:46 pm:

I'm biased and always go for the homeschooling angle first but it sounds like a really serious situation for yor daughter and way beyond anything you or her should expect in high school. Maybe she needs a couple of weeks off, maybe she could stay out the rest of the year, who knows. Meanwhile if you choose to keep fighting this with the intent of getting her back into school you don't have to worry about what she'll face every day she goes to school.

By Mommmie on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 12:57 pm:

I'd keep her home esp since the principal encouraged you to. Can your daughter transfer to another school?

By Cat on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 01:02 pm:

File harassment charges against the girl. A little harsh? Maybe, but look at all the trouble she's caused and nothing's been done. Her parents won't even admit she's done it. Maybe with a harassment case against her, they would. I'm sorry your dd is going through this (and you!). Lots of hugs.

By Pixie on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 01:10 pm:

Exactly Cat, Harrasment, file a restraining order if you have to. That child deserves to spend some in a Juvenile Detention Center. I don't think its to harsh, this could affect your daughter for the rest of her life, emotionally, academically. I too am so sorry your family is going through this, children are very mean these days and its starts as early as kindergarten. {{Hugs}}

By Truestori on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 01:38 pm:

First many ehugs. I know when our children hurt we feel helpless.

I would not tolerate any of this either. I would talk to her parents on one more occasion and explain that you will file harrassment charges, etc. if this child fails to play it by the rules. You should not have to move your child to another school, this child should be expelled. Now, if you child is in harms way by no means send her to school. I would keep her out for a few days and see if the situations gets resolved. Hope everything works out, kids can be so mean at times.

By Colette on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 01:52 pm:

File charges. Teach your daughter to fight back (by filing charges) rather than run away.

When I was in middle school, my best friend had a boyfriend, he was a psychotic nut. When she broke up with him, he blamed me. I was picked up and thrown down a flight of stairs (he was very big and I was small), I had scissors thrown at me, thrown into lockers, punched, etc, it was terrible. None of the teachers did anything because they were afraid of him too. My mother found out and raised holy, Irish, you know what, with the principal and when that didn't work she went to the police. They had a "talk" with him. I wanted to stay home from school, I just wanted it to all go away - I am greatful that my mother flipped out and stood up for me. I would do the same were it my daughter.

Many ehugs. Be strong and do the right thing for your daughter.

By Colette on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 02:08 pm:

http://www.iht.com/articles/535901.html

http://news.com.com/2100-1023-914471.html

http://www.netsmartz.org/news/Sep03-01.htm

http://www.usatoday.com/tech/2001-04-30-web-bully.htm

Please read these links. They offer some ideas for help.

By Palmbchprincess on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 02:55 pm:

I posted under the other thread, I agree with Cat and Colette. This is out of control, and the kids involved are old enough to be held responsible. It's better they learn a lesson now, because if that girl is already doing these things as a young teen, who knows what she will do later on. Computer crimes can easily be traced and proven to come from her computer. With the issues we have with school violence, these things need to be nipped in the bud.

By Feona on Saturday, January 8, 2005 - 07:48 am:

Is she in danger?

If she is I would have her change schools.

By Katiesmommy on Monday, January 17, 2005 - 10:43 am:

Pardon my ignorance, but don't you have to pay to have a website??? How in the world did this awful girl start this computer stuff anyway? I am so very sorry you are going through this. I was picked on pretty badly in 8th grade as well, and I am 36 and never have forgotten it (I am well adjusted and all, but one never forgets such traumatic dealings). I also cannot believe the principal actually told you to keep her home! I will not get on my soapbox about homeschooling (which I fully intend to do for Katie, for alot of the reasons you are going through), but your sweet daughter should not fear school, be stressed over how she will be treated, etc. I tell you, those parents of the instigaters need a good beating! Perhaps a transfer would be best in light of this horrible plight. I would suggest, if she doesn't already, join a outside of school group (dance, girl scouts, art class at a store) or just a special afternoon out with just mom, so she can feel confident once again. School is the center of alot of their life, so hopefully she has something else to fulfill her social needs other than that school. Good luck and make sure your daughter knows she is beautiful, smart, and so very special!
Amy

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, January 18, 2005 - 07:37 am:

There are places to have a free website: Geocities, Tripod, Angelfire to name a few. You have to put up with advertising to have a free webpage.