My 9 yr old, is the most lovely, thoughtful, helpful girl most of the time. However sometimes she behaves like a 19 yr old, her attitude, way of speech and actions can be totally out of hand and she goes into a hate spiral when told off for her "too old" behaviour. We have brought her up to be a little more mature and independent than most 9 yr olds', but I want her to know the rights/wrongs of behaviour for certain ages. Which I try to do, but it's hard to deal with a 9 yr old child with the attitude of a 19 yr old. I have a bit of an attitude which makes us clash a bit and hubby hides in the office. I don't want to put her down for wanting to feel older, but she is just a child. How do I teach her to show more respect? Plz let me know

By Unschoolmom on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 07:48 am:

I find when my daughter (6 going on 16) gets snotty or demanding or is not being respectful, I can usually look in the mirror for the problem. On days when I'm snarky and bossy, she is too. She takes her cues from my behaviour.

I think the best way to teach respect is to show it and the best way to get good behaviour is to model it. Which, I've foudn out, is a lot harder than it seems at times.

By Mrsheidi on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 08:23 pm:

Want to know more info...What's her punishment if she gives you an attitude?

By Tink on Friday, January 7, 2005 - 10:13 pm:

I think we need examples of her disrespect, etc. to give you any specific advice. I've been surprised at some of things my oldest(7yo) does that I didn't do until I was 3 or 4 years older. She already thinks that Barbies are for babies and is into Hilary Duff and Lindsey Lohan. I don't tolerate her speaking to me or anyone else with disrespect, which is what your dd's "hate spiral" sounds like. We just started using a behavior contract with my oldest and we spelled out exactly what wasn't acceptable and what would happen if those rules were broken. we signed it, she signed it and it keeps me from getting emotional and she can't say that she didn't know that something wasn't allowed. HTH (Hope That Helps)

By Hillsmum on Sunday, January 9, 2005 - 04:05 am:

Thnx for the advise. To your question Mrsheidi, basicaly along the same lines as Tink, but with out the contract. Brooke has a diary that she writes her rules into and behaviour do's and don'ts that she needs to remember. I explain how her behaviour is wrong, what she could have done differently and how to correct it. Sometimes she gets me so gobsmacked by what she's said that I give her a time out so I can cool off and think how to deal with her. During this time out I make her read the rules in her diary. I agree with what you say Unschoolmom, I usually have to look to myself for where her attitude comes from, don't you hate that?? LOL I quess we have to accept that kids will always learn faster, it's hard to keep up.