My DH and I were having this conversation last night... and I told him I'd ask the MomsView mommies!

Our ds is only 16mo - but we are wondering what we should tell him to call our adult friends, playgroup/playground mommies and daddies, etc.

Mrs. So and So
Miss "first name"
just the first name?

When I was growing up we used Mr. and Mrs... but now that seems so formal.

Do we ask each specific adult what they'd like to be called?

Would love to hear what is done in your house.

Thanks.

Amy

By Colette on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 07:18 am:

I do not know anyone who wants to be called Mr or Mrs so and so by children. The preschool kids call me Miss Colette, but other than school kids everyone calls me by my first name. The only people my kids call Mr or Mrs so and so are either older people, school personnel, or people they don't know well.

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 08:01 am:

In my area, everyone calls you *Miss (first name)*, not *Mrs (last name)*. DH, who was raised and always lived in NY or the DC area couldn't get over this when he moved down here. And if older children (late teens and upward) are very close to an adult, they just call them by their first name.

Think of it this way: I've known Amy since she was born. She used to call me *Miss Karen* when she was a young child. She's grown now, and furthermore, we are friends too. How odd would that be if she called me *Mrs. #####*???? ROFL

I see nothing wrong with *Miss* so-and-so, or just the first name.

By Lauram on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 08:31 am:

It depends on how close we are to the person or how they prefer to be addressed. It's funny- my oldest knows some of my dear friends that I work with by first name, but now that he goes to my school has to call them Miss or Mrs. X at school and he still calls them by their first name outside of school.

By Pamt on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 08:32 am:

I'm definitely "Miss Pam" at work with my kiddos and most of my children's friends call us Miss *first name* or Mr. *first name.* My DH is a youth minister and the kids in our youth group have ALWAYS just called us by our first names, which we both prefer. However, when we moved back to the south the parents were just horrified by the lack of respect that *they* thought it implied, so our youth group kids call us Miss Pam and BROTHER Robert. We both HATE that!! Yes, my husband is technically a "reverend", but no one calls him that. It has taken a lot to get used to him being called that and we've gotten a few parents to understand that we prefer to be called by our first names and they have acquiesced.

By My2cuties on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 08:49 am:

My 3 year old calls her Sunday School teacher Miss (first name) but other than that she calls the adults by their first name only. I never thought of it being rude, because after all that is who they are.

By Trina~moderator on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 09:21 am:

My children usually address close, adult friends by their first names. Others are "Mr. or Mrs. So-and-So". Generally, I ask adults how they prefer to be addressed and act accordingly.

When I was teaching at a preschool the director was from the south and taught the kids to address the teachers "Miss Trina", etc.. It's not a northern custom and we (the staff) felt strangely about it. I preferred "Miss Burgess" (maiden name, not married at the time) which is considered the proper way to address a teacher.

Isn't it interesting how different areas have different customs?!

By Kaye on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 09:33 am:

It depends on how well we know the people. Teachers are what they introduce themselves by, I don't think i would be okay if it was a first name though. I do agree with the respect. My dearest friend is miss kolleen, or auntie kolleen She will be in our lives forever, and will be a friend to the kids. In our church group they address those friends as Eva or Marie, etc. Most everyone else, parents of friends it is mr and mrs smith.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 10:02 am:

How about asking the individuals how they want to be addressed? Certainly, no first naming of adults by kids, as far as I'm concerned.

My last name is one that is difficult for young children to pronounce, so I was usually Miss Virginia for people under 9 or 10, but after that, and especially for my children's friends, it was Ms. (last name) (or Mrs., if the kid used that honorific).

Honorary aunts/uncles are a different matter, as Kaye describes her friend Kolleen.

My thinking was and is that by using an honorific of some kind (Miss/Mr. firstname or Ms. lastname/Mr. lastname)it makes it clear who is the child and who is the adult, and I think that distinction is important. As my children's friends have become adults, they have become my friends and we are now on first name terms. But when they were kids (pre-college graduation age), they were my children's friends and not my contemporaries in any manner.

By Kate on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 10:48 am:

How does the now adult child go from addressing an adult as Mrs. XXXX, to calling her 'Anne' now that the child is grown up?? I've never known how to easily make that transition, and hence, in my thirties I find myself still addressing both my mother's friends and my friends' parents as Mr and Mrs. XXXX and I feel very awkward about it. But no one has ever said to now call them by their first name! I hate it!

As for my children, they generally call less close people by Mr. and Mrs. XXXX and our close friends as 'Anne and Mike'. We have no honorary aunts or uncles. In school and Sunday school the teachers go by Miss Anne, which I find very odd as we're way up here in the north and I never heard of it myself growing up.

By Melanie on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 10:49 am:

For the most part, my kids call the adults we are close to by their first name. My son did have a first grade teacher who just went by her first name, and I was uncomfortable with that. The teacher told me one day my son was the only one who called her "Ms. XXX". He eventually stopped and called her by her first name, but I definitely preferred the more formal title. Any time I introduce my kids to an adult, it is by Mr. or Mrs.

By Ginny~moderator on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 11:10 am:

Usually I invite the change in address. But if it bothers you, why not speak to the person and ask if they would mind if you first-named them. They'll let you know.

By Happynerdmom on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 11:15 am:

My kids' friends usually call me "Mrs. XXX" because they know me by that at school. My kids call their friend's parents "Mr. and Mrs. XXX," but they call our closer, family friends by their first names. Like someone else said, in Sunday School, they go by "Miss Michele," or whatever. I don't like that! I'm not a "Miss." I think it sounds patronizing and silly. For myself, I'd prefer "Mrs. XXX," or if I know the child well, my first name is fine.

By Cat on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 11:17 am:

My kids adress adults as Miss/Mr "First Name". It can be sort of entertaining at times, though. We have a neighbor named Ed. Yep, Mr. Ed. lol Robin also called my paster once, "Mr. Pastor Donny." Teachers of course are addressed as Mr/Mrs. "Last Name". When the one daycare mom I have that teaches at his school is at our house it's "Miss K****". At school she's "Mrs. L*****". We've been doing this with them since they could talk so it's very normal for them. They'll even say, "It's Miss Kim (or whatever) to us!"

By Kellyj on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 11:44 am:

At my dd's daycare the teachers go by Miss "First Name." My DH hated that and felt that they should drop the Miss. My feelings are that since they are in a position of authority, they should be addressed as such.

I think that it is unacceptable for a teacher (K-12) to go by first name only. We had a teacher in 6th grade who's last name was long and difficult to pronounce. We called him Mr. S. (First initial of his last name.) I am not against using Miss/Mrs. "Anne" for younger kids. I think that some sort of title that indicates authority is what is really important.

We introduce close family friends to DD as Aunt/Uncle First Name. I feel that others should be addressed as Miss/Mrs./Mr. and whichever name they are comfortable with. As their relationships progress over the years, they can decide if and when it is appropriate to drop the formality.

By Mommmie on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 01:54 pm:

My son used Miss First Name for daycare teachers as he was instructed to by the church daycare. (The school didn't even want the parents to know the last names of the teachers.)

He used Miss Last Name for others (but really up to age 5 he didn't call very many people anything).

When he started "real" school everyone there is Miss Last Name and that's what it is for everyone else pretty much (except for his best friends mom who is into first names).

He's in 4th grade now and it's all Miss Last Name or Coach Last Name or Dr. Last Name. The last names are harder, that's for sure, so it takes longer to sink in. I refer to them them the same way - last names - to help my son get it. The overwhelming majority of parents here have their kids using last names - even in the preschools for the teachers.

By Bellajoe on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 02:14 pm:

In Sunday school the teachers are Miss (firstname) or Mr. (first name). In school of course it is (Mrs. Last name). They call their friends' mom's and dad's Mr. and Mrs. (Last name). But if they are close friends of my dh and I, it is usually Mr. or Miss (First name), they call some of my friends Auntie (first name)

I was raised to call all my parent's friends Mr. or Mrs. (last name) and still do. It doesn't bother me at all. But that is probably because i rarely see them and they havn't become my friends, just still my parents friends.

By Palmbchprincess on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 03:18 pm:

Growing up, my parents always told my friends to call them by their first names, especially since their last name was different than mine. Close friends are Aunt and Uncle, like the babysitter my mom uses is Aunt Juanita, she's been a family friend for decades. I guess that adresses the parent's friends becoming your friends thing. I still call my parents' friends by their first name, but my young siblings call them Aunt and Uncle. When I met Amy, I noticed how she told her kids to use Miss Firstname, apparently that is the Southern way. Now I find myself picking up that idea, my kids say Miss Firstname, or Aunt if it's someone close to the family. To me, Miss Crystal or just Crystal is fine, I don't see a need for my last name.

By Insaneusmcwife on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 03:24 pm:

Miss or Mr. (first name), If they are my cousins and they are of child bearing years then my kids for some reason or the other call them aunt/uncle. If they are a Marine and my son knows the rank he will call them by rank (Gunny Smith), he wants to be a Marine and thinks its so cool.

By Dawnk777 on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 03:36 pm:

When we bought our first house, we had only been married a year and didn't have any kids yet. The boys next door were like 4 and 8, I think. There mom told them to call us Mr. and Mrs. K**** until we told them otherwise. It was the only time I got to hear Mrs. K****, so I milked it for a while. I liked hearing it! LOL! Eventually, I took pity on them and told them they could just call me Dawn!

Teachers are usually Mr. or Mrs. Name. Close adults are first name.

My kids both had the same 3rd grade teacher. When I see her at school (I still work there), I still have a hard time calling her Ruth and usually call her Mrs. H! LOL! I'm sure she wouldn't care! I even have a hard time calling the Girl Scout leaders by their first names and Sarah has known them since 2nd grade! (10th grade now!) I'm trying to get over it. There is no reason for me not to address them by their first names! LOL!

By Imamommyx4 on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 05:56 pm:

For just about all of the adultsin dd's like, my dd has been enocouraged to call them Miss/Mrs/Mr First Name. There are a couple of exceptions and those couple introduced themselves to dd as Mrs. Last Name. I took that cue and always speak to my dd about or to Mrs. Last Name. One of the Last Name ladies is a little odd, uppity. The other is just very old fashioned and in her 70's. No offensiveness from either. Just what they want to be called and that's cool!

By Missmudd on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 08:35 pm:

We are Mr and Mrs Cohen to my son's friends until they are more known to us. I think it keeps them on there toes a little. The kids that are intimidated or dont want to use our titles are probably not the ones we want hanging around, the ones that are cool w/ it are probably at least passable for friends and more likely to have parents that can be talked w/ if there is a problem. My sons use Mrs Miss or Mr until told by the adult that they may use their first name. I have no problem calling other adults by Mr or Mrs if they are more *experienced* in life than I am.

By Eve on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 10:07 am:

DD calls everyone by their first name like I do. We usually aren't with anyone who would be offended. I would rather her be polite in her behavior than worry about using a formal title.

By John on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 11:38 am:

I can still hear my mom's voice in my head...

"What do you sayyyyy?"

when given a treat or present from an adult.
Her instruction has never served me wrong over the years.

I believe that it is important to instill respect for others in my son.
Respect and manners go together.

In my opinion, proper manners are in the eye of the beholder (or receiver).

What's OK to say to address your friends on the street corner is not OK to address a police officer, or a judge, or the President.

Unfortunately, children often don't grasp (or aren't taught) these finer points.

Therefore, I try to teach my child to ALWAYS address someone as Mr X, Miss X, Officer, Sir, to show that you respect them...instead of saying:
"Yo!", "Hey!", "Hey you!", "Hey cop!, etc.

I will also teach my son that IF, and only IF, the person replies: "Please call me by my first name." that it is proper to do so.

I believe that the person(adult or child) who errs on the side of showing someone MORE respect than they EXPECT will always have an advantage over those who don't.
And I believe that applies in both a personal and professional environment.

By Bellajoe on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 12:28 pm:

When i was helping out at my dd's kindergarten class, her friend asked me what my name was. I stood there for a second wondering if i should say "Patti" or if i should say "Mrs. xxxxx". "My daughter chimed in with, 'her name is Patti!" So then the little girl started calling me Patti. I didn't think it was appropriate for her to call me by my first name. I was brought up to call my friend's parents by Mr. or Mrs. so and so. I think it is just more respectful. And i do feel comfortable with her calling me by my last name. So i told her that she can call me "Mrs. xxxxx" and she said o.k. Now if it was my really good friend's son or daughter, i would rather them call me Miss Patti.

Of course my dd and ds will be raised to call people we hardly know, Mr. or Mrs. last name. Unless the person tells them
otherwise.

By Mommmie on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 01:01 pm:

I'm with John. That's why we do last names.