Two Florida Parents Go on Strike


ENTERPRISE, Fla. (AP) - The dishes, garbage and dirty laundry
would pile up for days when Cat and Harlan Barnard's teenage
children refused to do their chores. So the Barnards went on
strike, moving out of their house and into a domed tent set up in
their front driveway. The parents refuse to cook, clean or drive
for their children - Benjamin, 17, and Kit, 12 - until they shape
up.
``We've tried reverse psychology, upside down psychology, spiral
psychology and nothing has motivated them for any length of time,''
said Cat Barnard, 45, as she sat in a lawn chair at an
umbrella-covered table.
The strike took Benjamin and Kit by surprise. They came home
from school Monday to find their mother outside with handwritten
signs that read ``Parents on Strike'' and ``Seeking Cooperation and
Respect!''
Cat Barnard, a stay-at-home mom, and her 56-year-old husband, a
government social services worker, decided their children needed to
learn about empathy and responsibility.
The Barnards unsuccessfully tried smiley-face charts and
withholding allowances to get their children to do chores. They
even sought help from a psychologist.
The tipping point may have been when Benjamin didn't offer to
help his sweating, struggling mother work on the lawn Sunday, even
though she should have been recovering from oral surgery.
``I had absolutely no motherly guilt after that,'' Cat Bernard
said.
The Barnards have slept on air mattresses in the tent and have
barbecued while their children fended for themselves with frozen TV
dinners. The parents only go inside to shower and use the bathroom.
The strike seems to have struck a nerve. The phone has been
ringing incessantly with requests for media interviews from around
the country.
Passers-by from this bedroom community between Orlando and
Daytona Beach have shouted out words of encouragement. One woman
driving past the Barnards' house rolled down her car window
Wednesday and shouted ``Good for you! You should put the kids
outside!''
Benjamin returned from school on Wednesday to find a dozen
reporters in his parents' front lawn. He refused to say anything to
them and went into the house followed by his mother, who tried to
console him.
A well-intentioned neighbor reported the Barnards to sheriff's
deputies, who checked up on the family three times Tuesday. They
were satisfied that the children were safe.
One of Kit's teachers also stopped by the house, thinking she
had been abandoned, after the teenager said that her parents had
moved out of the house.
Cat Barnard said she and her husband will keep up the strike
until they see some changes.
``If we have to stick it out here until Christmas, then ho, ho,
ho, we're out here,'' she said.

From Netscape News, AP

By Feona on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 10:25 am:

Wow. I don't know what to say. It is interesting. I wonder what will happen.

By Jelygu on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 10:58 am:

Good thing they are in Florida where it stays warm in December!

By Tink on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 11:11 am:

I know that nothing my mom tried got through when my siblings and I were that age. I hope this works for them. Unfortunately, I wonder if this publicity will cause more parents to try this and I don't know if all parents will do it in a responsible manner.

By Trina~moderator on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 12:21 pm:

My kids aren't teens yet, so perhaps I don't know what I'm talking about (LOL!) BUT they should have 'gone on strike' so to speak a long time ago. Meaning you can't wait until kids are teens and then suddenly expect them to be responsible and help around the house. It's a long learning process that begins during early childhood. I think they're going WAY overboard and are certainly calling too much attention to themselves. Yes, they definitely need to set ground rules and boundaries and expect more from their kids but the way they're going about it isn't healthy for the family. In the long run, as far as the kids are concerned, I think all the media attention is going to hurt more than it will help. JMHO (Mental note: DH and I need to become stricter about chores, etc..)

By Colette on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 04:22 pm:

I agree totally with Trina. I thought the same thing when I read the article last week. I think this is basically their own fault for letting things get to this point.

By Bellajoe on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 04:38 pm:

Well i say "good for them!" I under stand that they are fed up and don't know what else to do. Those kids will learn to respect their parents if they are not there to do everything for them.

From what it sounds like, the parent just pitched a tent outside. I don't think they called the media and said "hey look what we are doing!" that just happened on it's own. THe kids may not like it, but tough.

By Ginny~moderator on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 08:36 pm:

I've been mulling this over since I read Trina's response, and I am inclined to agree with Trina and Collette - the parents should have acted on this a lot sooner.

While thinking about it, I was reminded of a conversation I had a year or two ago with my middle son, who was the most overtly defiant of the three. I asked him why, when I grounded him, he didn't just go out anyhow, since I worked full time and often wouldn't have even known and, facts being facts, he was 6 inches taller than me and I couldn't have stopped him. His response was, "Mom, I didn't know I could." I have often told people who have sons that, being only 5'2", I started very early on teaching them that taller isn't necessarily "bigger", and I guess it sank in.

Still, I'm glad these parents are actually doing something now. Better late than never.

By Trina~moderator on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 09:09 pm:

Ginny, I agree "better late than never" but why to such an extreme? They could still live in the house and take away privileges while refusing to wait on their kids hand and foot. I'm not going to give up the comforts of my own home (heat/AC, comfy bed, etc.) because the kids are uncooperative. LOL!

By Colette on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 09:37 pm:

Absolutely, I totally think this is the parents fault on this. Granted, my oldest is only 13 1/2 so maybe I'll see this differently in a few years..but she slammed her door one to many times at age 11 and dh took the door off of the hinges for a week or so. Haven't had a door slammed since. You don't just get respect, you earn it, you give it and you get it back. I cannot imagine my children behaving the way described in the article.

By Marcia on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 10:52 pm:

Well, I have a whole bunch of kids, I set the limits in early childhood, and I'm consistent. Still, they're slobs!! I wouldn't judge the parents without knowing what's being going on inside those walls for the past 17 years.
As much as I'd love to move myself out, I'm not willing to sleep in a tent. LOL
I have taken Nicole's clothes out of her room before, and she had to come to me with dirty clothes to get clean clothes. It helped for a bit, but she's still a slob. I've taken bags of toys away from all of them, and it's been the same.
I can fully understand feeling like you're banging your head against the wall!!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Sunday, December 12, 2004 - 11:01 pm:

I agree. Things don't just happen, they are allowed to happen. This is a mom and step dad situation though, by the way. On the Today show they said they were only married a little over two years. So I am wondering how much of this has to do with the short marriage? Jumping from single parent to two parents? For some reason people re-marry and expect the children to tow the line from day one. All the rules change with out warning and then the kids are supposed to adjust right then.. I could go on but I will just say I agree. This proves nothing other than the fact that they have not been properly parented from the start and now they are using humiliation to get them to do chores. And this is news worthy??? Why is it always the bad/silly situations that get the press?

By Karen~moderator on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 07:53 am:

Ditto, ditto, and DITTO!

We saw this several days ago when we were *down there*. One reporter even made the comment that it was the KIDS who should have been living in the tent, and not the parents. LOL

By Sue3 on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 12:46 pm:

My sister from Florida told me about this yesterday.
I curious what will happen.

By My2cuties on Monday, December 13, 2004 - 04:21 pm:

Not to be mean or anything, but it sounds like this couple has been watching a little too much "Lifetime", I recall watching a movie about a mom that went on strike. I just don't see the point in it. JMO. That may have been a "based on a true story" movie but I don't recall. Well, I hope it works for them, I would hate to see those children spend the holidays by themselves because the parents want to be "strict" all the sudden. Poor situation, I think.

By Imamommyx4 on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 01:44 am:

Something about this strikes me as just wrong. The kids are disrespectful, unsympathetic and lazy. But yet they are inside in comfortable temperatures and nice soft beds while Mom and Dad are in a tent outside on air mattresses.

As teens my ds's were very unempathetic. All they wanted from us was money, food, and to be left alone. They pretty much only did what they had to do and they had at least one chore to do every day, no ifs, ands or buts about it. DD at age 3 picks up and puts her things away or she doesn't play with them.

I think this is overdoing what should have been started a little at a time a long time ago. I also think they were reading too much Dr. Spock when the kids were young. When he wrote his first junk he didn't have any kids. He had children a lot later in life and realized that a lot of what he'd been saying was bunk.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 08:00 am:

Well, I can tell you this - if my household was like that, it certainly wouldn't be ME in the yard! LOL

By Eve on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 01:26 pm:

I'm passing no judgement on these parents. I don't have a teenager, so I don't even know what I would do if things got bad! I think they were just looking for a solution that would teach their kids a lesson. (At least I hope they weren't looking for media attention!) I do my best raising my DD, but she doesn't come with a guarantee. I know I make lots of mistakes, but mine aren't on tv. Thank Heaven!LOL!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Tuesday, December 14, 2004 - 09:41 pm:

Eve, if they weren't looking for media attention why would they be going about it like this in the first place??? they could have easily moved into one room of their house, refusing to do house work. Or into their back yard but they are on the front yard with media from around the world zooming in on them. There is a purpose behind this and getting DS to dump the dish washer doesn't take making a fool out of your self and your children.. Sounds like they have watched too much TV is right. And yes there was a movie on the LIFEtime channel about a mom going on strike.
Parenting and teaching responsibility starts while they are young not when they are old and you have had all you can take.... And we are required by law to feed, clothe and shelter our children. No where in there does it say, Bedroom sets, toys, TV, cable, cell phone, sports, 20 outfits all name brand, etc etc.... There are ways to take back control... Children have their price and their limits too... And humiliation doesn't teach a teen anything but how not to show respect... And how to build up resentment.. I think it is foolishness.

By Unschoolmom on Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 08:34 am:

I'm agreeing with most people here. It's a ridiculous approach that seems geared more towards gathering publicity and saying to the world, "We're not bad parents, they're ungrateful kids."

First thing I really hate about it is that they've decided to put down their own kids in front of the world. Second, they've just shown their kids that if you've got a big problem, walk away and sulk, don't try to work it out. Third, they just gave the kids the house and total freedom. That'll show those rascals!!!

I know they said they tried everything but I really doubt that. If they had, unless their kids are some kind of demonic changlings, something would have worked. More likely they half tried things or only gave them a short test and never carried through. It really sounds like they don't give a lot of thought to their methods, esp. if their last resort is to basically surrender all the valuables and walk out.

By Kittycat_26 on Wednesday, December 15, 2004 - 10:23 am:

I try not to judge until I've walked a mile in someone else's shoes. We've only gotten part of the story here I'm sure. They may have tried everything else, we don't know.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, December 16, 2004 - 12:33 am:

When you sit on national news and tell your story it is up for judgement, I am sorry. If they didn't want to be judged they shouldn't have made it a public affair.. Should we celebrate the fact that yet another family has let their children take complete control? We need to feed our children, put a roof over their heads and clothe them. A major loss of everything they owned would have cleared this up with out having to waste the worlds time hearing about it..

Heard something the other day... "I didn't say anything because it wasn't my business." Reply:"It became your business the minute you saw it." If it was meant to be just their business they wouldn't have aired it to the world...... and IF it wasn't their intent they would not have agreed to an interview for gosh sake.....

By Feona on Thursday, December 16, 2004 - 06:43 am:

They are definitely trying to embarress their kids into submission.

Wonder how long that will last.

By Hillsmum on Tuesday, January 4, 2005 - 12:59 am:

I guess when you're at the end of your rope you come up with some interesting ideas for punishments. From what I can understand on this matter, those kids need some definate discipline. The parents should not have let their kids slobbery get so out of hand in the first place. They need to be whipped back into line and shown some respect for their parents and the house they are lucky to be living in. The kids should be the ones doing without, not the parents. I feel terribly sorry for the parents living it hard while the kids have free run of the house. Although it seems the parents have brought it all on themselves, but different strokes for different folks, good luck.

By Imamommyx4 on Tuesday, January 4, 2005 - 08:11 pm:

I wonder how it ended.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, January 5, 2005 - 12:34 am:

They got their 15 minutes of fame, I am sure they are happy.

By Janet on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 03:25 pm:

The teenagers are probably having a great time, watching TV and eating frozen pizza!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, January 6, 2005 - 11:45 pm:

and the parents are probably still out in the yard feeling sorry for themselves and blaming the world for the injustice of it all... *rolling eyes*