Over the last few months my 11 y/o has been complaining in the mornings that his stomach hurts. If I let him stay home, he is always fine by lunch. I have a suspicion that he is trying to get out of going to school.

He hasn't told me about any particular problems at school and his grades are good. He hasn't ever given me a hard time about going to school.

I need to figure out a way to get him to open up and talk to me (starting puberty already) or he needs a really good stomach Dr.

Anyone have experience along these lines?

By Coopaveryben on Monday, November 15, 2004 - 04:18 pm:

I don't have experience with my own children, however, I used to have stomach problems with anxiety. Personally, I would go talk to his teachers or his guidance counselor. If they don't know of anything they may be able to watch for you.

This could be far fetched but if he is starting puberty, it may be a problem he is too shy to discuss with you, perhaps Dad should try too.

By Happynerdmom on Monday, November 15, 2004 - 04:32 pm:

My dd used to complain of stomache aches around that age. She is now 14, and has been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I'm assuming they were related. So for her, her anxiety was not based on any "real" problem, but general anxiety with crowds, etc. If it is something like this, he may be embarrassed to admit that he has feelings if fear for "no reason."

By Kay on Monday, November 15, 2004 - 08:56 pm:

The chronic stomach aches I used to have as a child were eventually diagnosed as 'abdominal migraines'. I'm not saying that they all are, because there are a myriad of causes, including anxiety.

I don't mean to be 'seeing zebras', but I suppose since migraines are so misdiagnosed and misunderstood, I throw in my two cents in just to add another thing to think about. Please don't think I'm trying to make you worry - I remember thinking there was something wrong with me when I was 11 and sent out of the doctor's office while the doctor privately asked my mom if things were bothering me at school. I wanted to to yell, "No, dadburnit (that's as close to cussing as I was allowed ), I'm happy but my stomach hurts all the time!"

By Mrsheidi on Monday, November 15, 2004 - 09:46 pm:

Do you think there's a chance he's being bullied at school? I used to teach middle school and that was a big problem. Happens to the best of kids too...

By Pamt on Monday, November 15, 2004 - 10:41 pm:

I've described my son's similar saga with headaches below. However, when I was in 6th grade I was horribly bullied by another girl at school. I began having stomach aches from all of the stress, plus I really didn't want to go to school and have to confront her every day. My grades continued to be good and I still had lots of friends, but my days were shadowed by how this one girl would threaten me. It all came to a head the day of cheerleader tryouts, which I had been so excited about. I ended up calling my mom to pick me up early and told her that I wasn't trying out for cheerleader b/c I wanted to switch schools. I was sobbing at the time and the whole story came out. I had not wanted to tell my parents b/c I knew they would go to the school administration, demand that things be resolved, and then I thought this girl would really harass me. Sure enough, my mom and my best friend's mom (she was being bullied by this girl too) went and talked with the guidance counselor and over several weeks the issue was resolved.

I've read with that with boys they will open up more during a shared activity like cooking together or shooting hoops. They don't really want to sit down and talk, but will begin talking if their hands are occupied and they don't have to make direct eye contact. Maybe share a similar situation of when you feel threatened and see if he'll open up. If not, then I'd try to ped. and go from there. Good luck!

By Dawnk777 on Tuesday, November 16, 2004 - 11:10 am:

My kids both have a little bit "nervous stomach" at the beginning of the school year. It resolves in time. It sometimes involves throwing up in the mornings, but later on, they are fine. Sarah went to school anyway, and didn't throw up this school year, but when she started middle school, she missed 4-5 days because of it. Emily would be throwing up and saying, "I'm going to school!" I don't know why they get themselves all worked up, since they get good grades and both have plenty of friends.

By Katherine on Tuesday, November 16, 2004 - 10:37 pm:

Interesting thoughts...he does have migraines and has since he was 5.

Pam, that's a good suggestion about talking during an activity. I am going to try that approach.

Thanks everyone!

By Mrsheidi on Tuesday, November 16, 2004 - 10:56 pm:

Good advice about boys, Pam! I've got 3 brothers and I just realized that I got the best conversations that way and didn't know that that was probably the reason! hhhmmmm... I also notice that guys always talk to each other side by side, not face to face...it's weird. It's like they've got to keep some sort of personal space. Sorry, got off track...hope something works for you Katherine!