My DS got sent to the princapals office, need support

Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2004: My DS got sent to the princapals office, need support

Today I got a call from the princapal saying my 5 yr old ds was sitting in her office because he bit another boy at recess!!!! I was shocked! Russell has NEVER bit any one ever. He never even went through a biteing stage when he was littler. She told me that the bite didn't break the skin and the other boys mom came in at lunch and looked at her sons arm and wasn't concerned about it cuz there wasn't a mark by the time she got there. I am mortified!! The dr. told me I am suppose to avoid stress and try to keep calm and this happens. The people in the school office said that Russell was crying because he was sorry and they were more worried about him than the boy he bit. He was scared that they would think he was a bad boy and wouldn't like him anymore. His punishment was a talk with the princapal and that was enough. They said by how Russell reacted that they don't think they will ever see him in there for a disipline reason ever again. What shocks me is that this is sooooo out of character for him. I wouldn't in a million years guess that he would do something lik this. Has anyone else had their child do something like this their first year of school. I mean I know that he is gonn spick up some bad habits but this is outragous!!

By Tink on Friday, October 22, 2004 - 11:54 pm:

My dks haven't ever bitten but my ds hit an aide when he was 3 and in preschool. Why did your ds bite the other child? My son was being accidentally being pinched with the way the aide was holding him but he wasn't able to tell her that she was hurting him. Like your son, he was so scared by the fuss he caused that we never had another problem with aggression. Good luck!

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, October 23, 2004 - 05:59 am:

Take a deep breath and try (I know it's hard) to calm down.

You don't know the whole story. You don't know why Russell bit the other boy. You do know that Russell reacted in a way that causes the principal and teacher to think he will never do it again, that he was truly sorry, and that the people who deal with lots of children every day think he will never do it again - all of which are good things.

I'm sorry Russell had this experience. But, almost every child, at some point or another, does something out of character and winds up in the principal's office or something similar. Your Russell is a boy who takes this very seriously and has learned a lesson - probably because he had the kind of training and raising at home that caused him to be upset by what he did and to want to never be in that position again. This is a compliment to you.

My take on this is that, given that every child does something out of charcter at some point in their lives, you and Russell are fortunate that this episode was so minor, no one was really hurt, and he has learned a lesson from it and wants to never be in that position again. This is one of those milestones in a child's life that we wish they never had to experience, and if it were me I'd be grateful that it was so minor and that he learned from it. Had it been my youngest son, he would have been defiant and defensive and, unhappily, it would only be the first time, not the last time. Calm down, count your blessings, and be glad that Russell so nicely reflects the values you have tried to instil in him.

By Kristie on Saturday, October 23, 2004 - 07:11 pm:

Thanks so much Tink and Ginny!! Russell told me that this boy always calls him names and copys everything he says. I guess Russell and his "best friend" always run away from this boy at recess because they don't like him cuz he's mean. Well I guess Friday this boy told Russell that he was gonna steal his best friend away from him. Russell said he couldn't because his best friend was his mommys best friends son so that makes them like brothers! (Kindergarten way of reasoning, its cute) Well then the boy said that he would make his family hate him and Russell just bit him cuz he couldn't think of anything else to do to shut the boy up. "Hate" is a bad word at our house and when ever Russell hears it it yells "bad word, bad word".
I was able to get all the information from both Russell and my friends son who is Russells best friend. I guess this boy was in pre-school with my friends son last year and kinda has a reputation as a bully. Thats why the two boys won't play with him. I explained to Russell that even if this boy isn't nice it is not an excuse to react the way he did and NOBODY could ever make his ffamily hate him. By the way he reacted to our talk and everything that happened Friday I really do think this will be the last I hear about this, I hope. The play ground teacher said that Russell is normally like the "playground cop" and always tells her when he thinks someone is being picked on. So she was surprised that Russell didn't just come and tell her. Well Russell has been told that your not suppose to go and tell on people unless they are Physically trying to hurt you, because you don't want to be the "tattle-tale". Well now I guess she told him to tell her if that boy says things that is hurting his feelings because that is the same thing as hurting you. So I got to the bottom of everything and will hopefully never be writeing ya all about my angel being in the office again!!!

By Tink on Saturday, October 23, 2004 - 07:31 pm:

Great! It sounds like, while he did bite, he was totally justified in a child's rationale! I'm glad that you were able to get the important information from him and that he is handling the whole experience in the best way possible.