As background: I have two kids, son is 8 and in the third grade, daughter is 6 and in the first grade. I pick up the kids every day from school so that they can play for about an hour in the playground to play with their friends. I really watch them and watch the group.

Yesterday, my ds came running up and told me that one of the little girls hit him in the chest and then in his privates. I, mistakenly, thought that they were playing and it happened by accident. I told him to run and play. About five minutes later, I see my son running with a pack (about 8-10 kids) chasing him and I got a bad feeling. I quickly stepped into the group and told them to stop. It just looked too much like mob mentality. Ok. Now, I questioned my earlier advice to ds so I asked him to explain once again about the hitting. The girl who is 6 came up to my son hit him in the chest and aimed and hit him in the groin then ran.

My son is a Brown belt in Tae Kwon Do and he knows never to use it in this type of situation. He did the right thing. I apologized for my lack of understanding.

The mother of this girl is someone I've never been too fond of but we get along. I am the Brownie Troop leader her dd is in with mine and this woman volunteers for the group. She knows that I play fair.

I asked my ds all the questions. What did you say to her to make her do that, what did you do to her to make her do that, what has been happening in the playground that maybe I missed. He replied in the negative to everything. She just came up and hit him...the week before she did say something like "you are a wild one, Thomas" which is so far from the truth! And he also told me (verified by dd) that out of nowhere she comes up with a jump rope and yells to the kids around "let's push him down and tie him up" which is what the mob scene was all about (my dd was crying and running trying to stop the kids).

So, I call the mother and tell her that I made a mistake in the playground because I didn't listen to my ds when he tried to tell me something important. I explained all the details as listed above. I would have told her in person but we won't be in the playground for a few days and I wanted to take care of the situation.

She became silent (angry silence) says her daughter wouldn't do that, that she watches her dd (no, she doesn't she talks to other moms and besides we all miss things even when we think we are watching).

First, I agreed with her that I too thought her dd wouldn't do this kind of thing so I "grilled" my son to make sure it was unprovoked then I just said that I wanted her to know because the next boy she did this to may not go tell his mom but deck her one. I also said that she should definitely get her dd's side of the story and talk to her about hitting not being allowed. Then we civilly hung up.

My question? How would you handle this type of situation? By the way I told my ds to stand his ground next time and to verbally (and very loudly) tell the girl/other kids to leave him alone. He shouldn't threaten, use profanity, etc but definitely not run- stand his ground and forcefully tell her off.

Thanks for "listening". Robin

By Colette on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 11:45 am:

I think you handled it well. The only thing I would do differently would be to make sure your son knows he is to use his karate to defend himself. My son is a black belt, and I found him being afraid to use it when another kids was picking on him and the one time he did use it, he got in trouble on the school bus for it. I ended up having his karate instructer talk to him privately about it and what he should do next time. It had more of an effect coming from someone other than "mom", also let him know that if he HAS to use it to defend himself, that you will make sure he does not get in trouble with the school. I would also observe this girl more on the playground and if the behavior continues, go to the principal.

By Tink on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 12:19 pm:

I think you handled it beautifully. We can't watch our kids every second and some things slip by us. I hope that the little girl's mother realizes that her daughter may have copied something she saw and didn't realize the severity of what she was doing (or any other possible explanation) and speaks with her about it. I only hope that I can handle similar situations as well as you have.

By Emily7 on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 12:49 pm:

YOu did handle it very well. I hope that the other mom talked to her dd.

By Robin on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 12:58 pm:

Thank you all for your support.

Colette, you are right about the self-defense however if it is a 3rd grade boy against a 1st grade girl he still can't use it because she will be right every time. Unfair as it may seem, we still live in a world of boys being discriminated against when it is girl vs. boy. However, he knows that if it is a boy or group of boys to go for it and we will be there to support him.

By Colette on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 03:20 pm:

Actually Robin, I think he should be taught he can defend himself against anyone, even if it's a younger girl, his karate school should be teaching him that and if he's sparring it should be in a mixed class - girls, boys, and when he's a little older, adults. It's a very hard thing for them to learn after always being told not to hit girls, but in reality, if the girl is kicking him in the groin, he should be able to make it clear to her - physically clear if all else fails. Hopefully it does not have to come to that.

By Colette on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 03:26 pm:

and, I had a similar situation, with a kindergarten girl whacking my son who was in 2nd grade. The bus driver would not put a stop to it, so I talked to his karate teacher, and then I told his principal that she needed to make it stop or I would tell my son he could defend himself as needed and there would be NO repercussions from the school.

Needless to say, it stopped.

By Emily7 on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 03:31 pm:

Here we have a No Tolerancy rule. If it happens on school property or during school hours ALL parties are expelled. My nephew was trying to stop a fight at recess once & got in just as much trouble as the 2 boys fighting. They knew he was just trying to stop it, but said that doesn't matter. After so many incidents they are expelled for the entire year.

By Melanie on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 05:00 pm:

Colette said, "and then I told his principal that she needed to make it stop or I would tell my son he could defend himself as needed and there would be NO repercussions from the school. "

I think that is a great way to go. Your son has a right to protect himself from bodily harm, no matter who it is. The mother did not indicate that she was going to look into the situation further(and I think you handled that very well). I agree that you should notify the school and even talk to his Tak Kwn Do teacher about how to handle it. Good luck!

By Robin on Tuesday, October 19, 2004 - 10:00 pm:

Thanks for your input ladies. I think I will keep a close look when at the playground after school. I will also talk to the principal about the school's policy about this kind of behavior. I can guarantee you, that like Emily's school our school has a no-hitting, no tolerance rule. However, I will talk to his principal. I have already spoken to the instructor and he agrees with me that the best thing for Tom to do in a situation like this one is to walk away first. If he is in a situation where he is cornered, he should simply deflect or defend himself without hitting in attack. There is a difference - in this mode he is only blocking the attack. And to your comment about sparring, he spars everyone including girls and at all age levels depending on belt rank. He is quite good and would have no problem in a controlled environment. I think we have to remember that sparring vs. street fighting can sometimes be very different with different results. Thanks again for all your support and insights.