A little history first. Ds slept in our bed until he was almost 2 years old. At 18 months we got rid of his un-used crib and bought him a car bed. To this day bedtime is still a struggle, but I do not blame the "family bed" for this. Nine times out of ten in the morning either I am in his bed or he is in ours.

Nico is so stubborn when it comes to going to bed. The two nights when I am at school for his bedtime he goes right to sleep for daddy. When I am home however, he fights it! Lately, he's been pooping in his pull-up just to stall a little longer. Mind you, he is potty trained but he still wears a pull-up at night. This makes me furious that he will poop on command just as a stalling tactic.

These nights are miserable. Dh and I are so fed up with this and we are losing patience. I feel so bad that we have to raise our voices with him every night before he finally goes to sleep. It's not like he is up and being quiet in there. He is calling for me and saying that he has to tell me something. He gets out of bed and lays on the floor infront of the door. He says that he has monsters in his closet, which we have addressed plenty. What do I do?

By Sunny on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 09:24 am:

Of my 5 kids, we had this problem only with my oldest and when I think back, it was probably because he was the only one who ever had to go to bed in a room by himself. He was the same age as your son when we had this problem and it took a while before bedtime became a peaceful routine. I distinctly remember one night he carried on so much that our downstairs neighbor came up to see if everything was okay! It was soon after that when we came up with a 'reward' chart. We stayed with the routine and for every night he went to bed without too much of a fuss, we gave him a star and if he could get so many stars, he got a reward (usually it was staying up later on the weekend).

Here's a site that has a few suggestions. Good luck and remember, there will come a time when this is a distant memory.

By Musicmom on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 12:34 pm:

One thing that has worked for me is has been using the same music every night. I found my children like Return to Pooh Corner. My older ones still like to listen to music or stories on tape.

Good luck and don't be afraid to stick to your guns. Praise Praise Praise when he's doing great and ignore when he isn't. Just carry out the consequence with no emotion from you. Yes, easier said than done, but possible and you will feel better when you do. It takes time for him to learn that you mean business about it. Even when you are calm. Just remember you are changing a habit for him that has been around for most of his life.

By Emily7 on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 02:03 pm:

Other than you not being home what else does your dh do differently on the nights he goes down without a fuss? I think he just knows how to pull at your heart strings. He knows Mom will give him that extra 5 or 10 minutes. I think that Sunny's suggestion is good, because obviously he can go to sleep on his own, he just chooses not to when you are home.

By Nicosmom on Monday, October 11, 2004 - 07:17 pm:

Lately he has had such a little attitude. Today for instance dh came home from work with a hat with airplanes on it for Nico. He said "I don't want that hat!." He insisted on throwing it away. Or things that he doesn't want for the moment away. Today, he was being unbearable! My dh does not do much different, it's just that Nico is so attached to me and expects me to stay with him while he sleeps. Thanks for the advice, the reward chart might work. It might work for a couple of things with him.

By Tink on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 - 10:51 am:

Hi, Dana! I think a lot of his attitude is sue to his age. He doesn't realize that he is being ungrateful or hurting your and dh's feelings. My dd is doing this also and it started about 6 months ago. They just don't have the capacity for empathy yet and they have started moving past that wonderful "I always want to make my mommy happy" stage. All of my dks do a "bedtime book" that includes going potty and getting that last drink of water. You could even add a step that checks for monsters in the closet and setting the timer for 5 or 10 minutes of "mommy time". When the timer goes off, my dks are much less likely to argue with me. Apparently, the timer has more authority than I do! HTH

By Hdelfuego on Tuesday, October 12, 2004 - 11:00 am:

I think the timer idea is awesome if he's old enough to understand that!

By Nicosmom on Wednesday, October 13, 2004 - 01:32 am:

I really like the timer idea too Cori! We do have a routine, which includes a book and usually cuddling a minute before I leave his room. Thanks everyone, the link is great Sunny!