Children help you keep an open mind - if you're lucky.
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2004:
Children help you keep an open mind - if you're lucky.
What brought this to to the top of my mind was that while I was out shopping today (before I had the car problem), I picked up a 2005 calendar for Scott that features Rottweilers. And he said that he was so pleased that I had not only accepted Sascha, but had come to love her almost as much as he does. Which is true.
If anyone had told me six months ago that I would not only welcome a Rottweiler into my home, but would find her cute, endearing, funny, gentle, and sweet - well, I would certainly have given that person a funny look (along the lines of "you must be crazy").
I will admit, all I knew about Rottweilers wasn't much, and they are one of the breeds that "has a reputation". (So do Dobermans, and my folks had four different Dobies, all of whom were pussycats.) But, because Scott wanted her so badly, and was hurting so much from having to put his dear dog Keyla down, I agreed to meet her and felt she would be OK. And she is - much much more than OK.
Musing on that conversation, I found myself thinking about all the times over the years when I listened to what my sons were saying when they disagreed with me, especially after the middle son backed me into a corner by asking me if I had a reason other than that was what I had always believed. And thinking about how many times I found myself changing my opinion in response to their questions and our discussions. I like to think I have a fairly open mind when presented with differing opinions. Some of it comes from my father and mother, but I must say that most of the credit goes to my children.
That is a nice thought.
I can't agree with you more Ginny. My daughter's 6 and she often has well thought out arguments to my (less and less) automatic no's. She knows herself very well (better than I ever have) and can put that knowledge to good use when making decisions.
Once you trust your kids and listen to them, they blossom. And as a mom I've grown a lot because of that.
You're so right Ginny. And, when I find that my kids' reactions to something *I* say causes me to really think about something or in some instances, *rethink* the situation, I feel amazed and pleased at the same time, and in a sort of way, I give myself a little pat on the back, for raising them to be independent thinkers, which is what I intended to do in the first place!
So.........kudos to you, Mom!
This is along the same lines as Never Say Never because as soon as you do you will soon be in a position to eat your words.
My son can cut through BS so fast and so percerptively, it's amazing. I have a very open mind which happens when you eat crow so much, but my son seems to have it because he hasn't been tainted with a lot of judgments.
He has friends who see many many things as black and white, like Rottweilers are Bad Dogs, Working Mothers Don't Love Their Children, Public School is Terrible, the Internet is Bad, Bush For President, etc. I figure they are just repeating what their parents say, but then I see my open-minded son and it seems to come naturally to him and I don't know what to make of all that.
Mommmie, I think that's a wonderful trait your son has! You are right, most kids, especially young kids, just parrot what they've been told by their parents - after all, what else do they really know???? But your DS learned to be open minded from YOU, so that is truly an asset for him.
My DD Jen is much the same way. Jeff still tends to think more like his dad, who is pretty close minded on certain issues, and Jeff is that way there. BUT, in other circumstances he's open minded too - which I REALLY try to be also, - and I've tried to teach the kids that there are a LOT of gray areas in life.
Ginny, it's such a giving, nurturing thing you've done by agreeing to let Scott get this dog. Not only have you learned something from this experience, I wouldn't be surprised if you are totally attached to the dog too!
It's interesting thought, that when I do make a judgment about something and then make a big stink about it, my son is fascinated.
For example, in 1st grade he brought home that awful book, the Rainbow Fish. I cannot stand that book! I hate the message it sends. There's 1 fish with all the pretty scales and the other fish had none and they wouldn't have anything to do with the fish with all the pretty scales until that fish handed over some of his pretty scales to the other fish. What the heck kind of message is that? Don't be friendly with people who have more than you until they share their wealth with you? Huh? I can't believe that book is so popular bec it teaches sharing. That's not sharing to me. Anyway, my son came home with that book from the school library and I went nuts, I HATE THAT BOOK! I screamed and I explained why and I threw it out the window. My son, I swear, loved it that I got so mad and showed such a strong response to something like that. Years later he still talks about it and he knows should some teacher start reading that story he's welcome to challenge its meaning to her and I don't care if he gets in trouble. He had this instant respect for me over this one issue which I thought was interesting. So, I try not to be *too* unconditional about *everything* because some boundries are good and it's good to form opinions. Just another one of those balancing acts.
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