2 problems.....need advice
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2004:
2 problems.....need advice
Problem #1
DD is in first grade. About 2 weeks ago they switched their desks around and she is now seated by a difficult child. He gets his card changed to "call home" almost every day. (discipline system that the school uses). He is constantly poking at DD, writing on her paper, talking, etc. while she is trying to get her work done. She has complained about him several times.
Do I ask for her to be moved? DH would like to have her moved. But I just keep thinking that *someone* has to sit by this kid. What makes my child any better than anyone elses. And, I keep thinking that they will eventually change seats again and he will be moved. But, it's a constant everyday thing right now. She comes home with writing all over her papers and lots of complaints about how he is distracting her while she is suppose to be working.
Problem #2
Our neighbors. We just moved here a month ago. We are in a new planned development where there are 6 houses lined up along one side of the street. We are having issues with the 3 boys that live 2 houses down. They are constantly in *our* yard. They are ages 8, 6 and 5. I don't mind them coming over to play once in awhile, but it's constant. As soon as my kids go outside, they come right over. They ride their bikes in our driveway, and my kids end up standing on the lawn watching because there isn't enough room for 6 bikes.
Their mom doesn't ever check on them. They go to the next door neighbors house when they aren't home and play with all of their outside toys.
We had company on Sunday, and DH had our kids outside with grandma and grandpa flying a new kite. Yep! The neighbor boys were right here in the middle of it. Whenever someone pulls into our driveway, the boys come right over and ride their bikes around and around the vehicle.
Yesterday afternoon, we were out playing catch with our oldest DD. Within minutes all 3 boys were over here.
I feel bad that they maybe aren't getting attention at home. But they are taking attention away from *our* kids when they are here.
Many times I've had my kids come inside because those boys have come over. They are quite unruley (sp) and ride their bikes out in the street without looking. It's just easier for my kids to come in rather than having to watch ALL the kids.
DH keeps saying he's going to talk to their mom, but doesn't want to cause problems. Do you think we should mention it to her? I don't know her that well and I don't know how she would take it. I don't want to cause problems in the new neighborhood.
Sorry this got kind of long!
Problem #1; Talk to the teacher. Show her your dd's papers with the writing and tell her how much it bothers and distracts your dd. Ask that she either solve the problem or move your dd. Your dd shouldn't have to deal with that and neither should any other child in the class.
Problem #2; Next time you're outside with your kids or company, if the boys come over simply tell them, "Sorry guys, but we're having some family time so you'll have to go home." If they don't go you may have to take them home and explain to their parents that you're trying to have some family time and asked the kids to please leave and they wouldn't. You're right, they may be starved for attention, but honestly that's not your problem. It's not like you kick them out of your yard every time your kids are out. But you really do need some time for just your kids. It's not fair for them to have to share you with them, especially when they weren't invited. Also, can you put up a fence? No, they're not cheap, but it might be worth it if you're going to be there a long time. Our fence was the first thing we did when we moved in. I have asked kids to leave, too. I just tell them, "Sorry, Buddy, but you'll have to go home for now. Maybe you can come play again later" or tomorrow or whatever.
Good luck. I'm sure others will pipe in. 
Problem 1: yep call the teacher. Just say my daughter is really struggling being next to so and so, is there anyway she can be moved. Yes someone has to sit next to this child, but some kids are more compatable than others. Also maybe he will have to sit alone, my son is one of those kids, sometimes he just can't sit next to someone without bugging them. He often gets moved to sit next to the teachers desk. But if the teacher perceives that he is doing better, then she won't move him, you need to speak up for your daughter!
Problem 2: btdt, honestly you have to speak up here to. It is okay to say, go home. We had twin boys that lived behind us, sometimes we really enjoyed their company, other times we didn't. I often said, my yard my rules, and would give them one warning and then send them home. But it is okay to say, just like above, we are having family time you will have to go home now. It is a great lesson to teach your kids, they see you saying No and putting them in front of others...all win win!
I agree with both Cat and Kaye on both points.
I think you have to speak up to the neighbor boys, clearly and firmly, and when you tell them "go home", if they don't you have to gently but firmly take each child by the arm and take him out of your yard. Never mind waiting for DH to speak to the mom - this is between you and these boys.
Me three.................
I agree with everything above. I've BTDT with other kids in my yard, and I eventually took a stand and politely told them it was family time. Despite a couple of cases of questioning and pleading, they finally got the hint. Good luck
Thanks....I guess I'm just a big chicken. I don't want to cause problems or step on anyones toes.
But, I guess I'll have to.
I too agree with everyone.
#1 My ds was in K and he was sitting next to a little girl that was a discipline problem. He was bringing home unfinished work which was very unusual for him. I found out that this little girl was basically doing the same things that the little boy is doing to your dd. I talked with the teacher and she didn't move the little girl(she had been moved several time before) but she did set up a code with ds, so he could let her know when the little girl was bothering him. It didn't take long and she stopped. I guess when she realized she wasn't going to get away with it, she stopped. So, I would definitely alert the teacher to what is going on.
#2 I too have a set of 5 yr. old twins that come to my house EVERY SINGLE DAY!! I don't mind most days, but if we are outside as a family doing something special then I ask them to leave. I just tell them we are having family time and that they can come back another day.
#1 Tell the teacher. Don't think that someone has to sit by this child. I have been in many classrooms where the problem child is seated away from the class even some where their desks have been right next to the teacher's desk. Your 5/6 year old shouldn't be burdened with this child's bad behavior.
#2 I agree with telling the boys to go home. There are some kids in our neighborhood that our kids don't like to play with. I've stepped in and said that so&so doesn't want to play but when he does he'll come to YOUR house to get you. I don't think the other parents need to be involved, yet.
We also have made it known to our neighbors' kids that when our garage door is DOWN, our family isn't open for playing. I started having new kids at our house on Sat ams at 7:30! This has worked wonders for us.
Be firm, be honest and make sure rules are set now.
|
Members
