Hi, I'm new to this group and I could really need your help. We just moved across the country in the end of Aug. My 4th grade son is having a difficult time with this move. He left behind his friend of 6 years. He hasn't connected with anyone at school and the boy in the neighborhood that is his age started out being friendly then became a bully to my son in the neighborhood and with his friends continuing this on the bus and at recess.

I'm really worried because he is now not liking school. I have talked with the teacher and school counsellor. Any other suggestions?

Thanks

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, October 5, 2004 - 07:47 pm:

Welcome to Momsview! Regarding the school bus, that should NOT be tolerated. Call the school and the transportation dept. at the school board.

Secondly, have you spoken with the other kids' mom? It may be time for you to step in.

Another suggestion I have would be to get him involved in some extra-curricular activities, where he will have an opportunity to meet new kids, make new friends, all while doing something fun.

Do you have any idea what brought about this change in the other boy? Moving is hard enough on kids without having to deal with that! I'm sorry your DS is going through this, and I know that as a mom, your heart breaks for him.

My kids are grown, so my advice is *dated*, but there are many moms here with kids the same age, who, I am sure, will have some advice for you.

By Audreyj on Wednesday, October 6, 2004 - 07:58 am:

My children meet most of their friends at church because, as it turns out, there is so much work to do at school that there is not a lot of time for socializing. You might try visiting a few churches that have a good children's program. Also, I drive my kids to school and pick them up in the car because I just don't want to deal with all the "bus stuff".

My daughter has been homeschooled up until this year (second grade) and this is her first year in public school. She has not had an opportunity to make a lot of friends because she says, "Every time I start to talk to somebody, Mommy, they tell me to be quiet!" haha

Her birthday happens to be in November and so we are ***sigh***having a very large birthday party and inviting all her schoolfriends to help her make some new friends. Also, she is in Brownies (would your son be interested in Boy Scouts or is he too old?) and she wants to invite her entire Brownie troop. All together, there will be about 50 people here, including parents, the largest party we have ever had....but we just moved out here 2 years ago and with her starting public school this year, we are looking at it as an opportunity to meet some people. Sort of like a financial investment in a social life, I guess!!!

The holidays are coming up, perhaps you could have some type of "get together" for Halloween, or something and invite the "trouble makers" and in a friendlier setting, maybe you could talk to some parents, etc. Something like, "We are new to the neighborhood and I thought this might be a good time to get to know everyone and get started out on 'the right foot' etc. Kids are pretty suggestible, if they see your house as a friendly place and your son as "the kid who had the cool party" they may turn around. And parents may say, "Why are you being so mean to that nice Music Mom's son...what is the matter with you??!!" etc. Also, again with the churches, many churches have 'alternative" events to Halloween. And you might try taking your son to that and he may make friends there. This year, our church is having a sock hop, so we are all digging out our ponytails and blue jeans. It is an event to support the homeless, so everyone is to bring a pack of white socks (get it??sock hop) as a donation to the homeless to get in. Hope some of this is helpful for you. My daughters have not encountered any bullies (thank God) but I can imagine it is difficult, especially in a new place. AJ

By Musicmom on Wednesday, October 6, 2004 - 03:59 pm:

Thanks for your ideas. I did call the school transportation today and complained. They said they would let the bus driver know so she can be more aware. This morning he told me that they were spitting on him and the kid sitting with him.

I asked my son when things changed with this boy, and he said he was playing with another neighbor when the boy started becoming mean and said he didn't want to be his friend anymore. My son asked him why and he said he wasn't going to tell him.

I told my son that subconsciously I think that he is jealous because I am home and you know that you mean the world to your parents. This boy goes to day care after school until his mom picks him up even though his dad is home most days. Then last week we had a run in with the parents that helped me understand a little more the reason why he acts this way. My 5 year old accidently made a 6 inch scratch on a car of theirs with his bike (going to fast). My son was crying hysterically saying it was an accident and he was sorry. I talked to his dad, and told him we would take full responsibility for the repair and he didn't even say boo to my sobbing son. I came back upset, told my DH and he went over and talked to the wife. He told her again we would pay for it and my son was devastated and it was an accident and all she could say was "well it is a $40,000 car."

Anyway, we do go to church and he is making a friend there he has asked to play with this week, so that's good, but as far as the birthday goes, we tried that last year (school boundaries changed) and we invited several of his classmates to that, invited kids to play after school, and delivered christmas gifts. None of it was reciprocated. Not even an invitation to play. So I am hesitant to try that again. I think it was as hard on me as it was on him.

We are doing scouts through my church, unfortunately they are very small in number. I think I may look into community. My son loves soccer, but we missed the sign up date.

Thanks for all your support and letting me vent a little.