ROFL funnies my son forwarded to me.
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2004:
ROFL funnies my son forwarded to me.
For those with no children, this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children at this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had children, this is a form of birth control.
The following came from an anonymous source in Austin, Texas: "Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):"
1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 3 bedroom house about 4 inches deep.
2. If you spray hair spray on a nylon duster and then run over it with roller skates, they can ignite.
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.
5. You should not throw balls up when the ceiling fan is on, using the ceiling fan as a bat; you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can then hit a ball a long way.
6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a ball hit by a ceiling fan.
7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.
8. Brake fluid mixed with bleach makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old.
11. 'Play Doh' and 'microwave' should not be used in the same sentence.
12. Super Glue is forever.
13. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can't walk on water.
14. Pool filters do not like Jello.
15. VCRs do not eject toasted sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17. Marbles in fuel tanks make lots of noise when driving and are very expensive to remove.
18. You probably do not want to know what that smell really is.
19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. The average response time for the fire department is about 12 minutes.
21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24. The mind of a child is a wonderful and amazing thing. True story: One day the kindergarten teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, "Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said, 'Holy smokes! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the bleach and brake fluid.
These are very funny, Ginny. My 3 y/o gs thinks #5 is such great fun! In fact, he did it again just this morning.
Very funny!!!
 Please, Please, Please don't let my dks EVER see this!
My dh says he already knew about the bleach and brake fluid!!!! YIKES!!! LOL
Funny!
HILARIOUS!!!
I've read this before, but it cracks me up every time.
We've done the ball in the ceiling fan trick- windows stayed intact, but not the table lamp!
Very funny. Thank you soooo much for sharing this.
I just melted a toy in the brolier drawer of my oven last week!
DH tried the bleach and brake fluid the other day. LOL!!! Absolutely nothing happened.
|
Members
