Sorry - this is going to be long...My ds is turning 5 on 10/6. Last year we took him to a local pumpkin patch & it was so much fun with all kinds of super attractions for kids. He really wants to have his birthday party there, which would be a great idea except for the costs involved. So this is where I need your advice. It costs $10 per person. We would be inviting approx. 18 kids (at minimum)& at least 1 parent will have to attend for safety resaons. I know for a fact that at least 8 kids will have both parents coming. There are 5 people in our family. So far just the entry fee costs $490 (YIKES!!!) Lunch (pizza & drinks, cake, goody bags etc) will be separate. My question is this. Would it be inappropriate if I indicated on the invitation that the entry fee is $10/person & that we will cover the Child's fee & lunch will be provided along with a note that 1 parent must attend. I would also enclose a detail description of the place & attractions, including pix etc so they can make a decision as to whether it's worth it for them to go. This place is pretty popular so I figure most families would go anyway with their kids during this season... in this scenario, their child gets to go to a fun party & have their fee taken care of. The entry fee includes a pumpkin for each child, free rides, including hayride but the moon bounce ($2), wobble wagon ($2) & pony rides ($3) is extra. Should I let the parents pay for these on their own or should I buy 3 tickets per child? I'm leaning towards buying each child a pony ride. In the end it should costs about $450.00. That's alot of money but he really wants to have it there. I wish I could cut down on the invites but that is the bare minimum (preschool class, cousins etc). How would you guys feel getting such an invite??? I can guarantee that the kids will have the time of their life. This particular pumpkin patch was Outrageously FUN! Thanks for your input!

By Tklinreston on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 03:00 pm:

I have to add that our friends & extended families have no problem with this scenario. It is his preschool families that I'm concerned with. Not sure if the parents would expect to have their fee taken care and if they would find it rude on my part for not offering. Just not sure. Thanks!

By Audreyj on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 03:28 pm:

I think you are being very generous and I would love to get an invitation. You are not in GA by any chance are you? LOL

We gave a Chuck E. Cheese party for my DD's fifth birthday party. We paid a fee and Chuck E. Cheese took care of pizza, cake and drinks. In addition, I bought each guest $5 in tokens. You may want to check with the sponsors/owners of the pumpkin patch. It is possible they host parties and they might give you a set fee.

If not, then I would pay the entry fee (I would feel weird charging people to attend a party) and provide lunch and cake. If the families want to do the "extras" (pony, wagon, and moon bounce) they could cover that themselves.

Another possibility would be to "split up" the groups of friends. Have friends and extended family at the Pumpkin Patch and just bring cupcakes or something for snack to your child's preschool on their birthday. That way, the preschool friends can all sing "Happy Birthday" and have a cupcake and be included without inviting them all to the pumpkin patch.

My parents are divorced so it is not unusual for my kids to have more than one party. My daughter might have one party at my Aunt's home, one party at my Mom's home, one party at church and one at school. That way, everyone is included but not all at the same time.

Hope that helps, bottom line I would pay the entry fee, buy some hot dogs and hamburgers to grill and make a cake. It is very generous of you to pay the entry fee and give everyone lunch. I would not expect more. AJ

By Vicki on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 03:29 pm:

Hmmm...not sure how I would feel about this one. If your requiring at least one parent to stay, that might make a difference. If the choose to stay, then I think they should expect to cover their own charges. This is a tough one!!

By Emily7 on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 03:47 pm:

I don't think it is fair to say that 1 parent must stay & expect them to cover their own entry fee. Personally I would have a seperate party for the preschool class with just pizza, cake & ice cream at your house or a park to cut down on the expense.

By Tklinreston on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 03:55 pm:

Audrey..great advice. I thought of splitting it up too but here's my dilemma. Josh really wants to have all his friends at preschool there. He just started his class in the end of August (total of 9 of them) and is eager to have them at his birthday. His preschool doesn't allow snacks for birthdays to be brought in. If I invite his class, I should invite all of them -- right? I guess I should pay for the child and one parent, approx $200 more. As for the requirement for one parent to attend, I don't think there would be a parent who wouldn't stay since it can get so crowded and the kids will be running around everywhere - a child could get lost or god forbid.. stolen. Boy.. I don't know what to do.. but your responses do help. I'm leaning towards paying for the parents too.

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 03:58 pm:

JMO, but if you are giving a birthday party, you should cover the costs. If it's a place you can't afford, then you should select another place. Most parents won't go, or take their kids to a party where they have to pay admission/tickets for rides. I know I wouldn't have.

Considering what your cost would be for a party in that place, I'd say nix that, have a party elsewhere or at home for the kids, and then just take your DS and maybe a couple of close friends there another day, if that's what he really wants to do.

By Tklinreston on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 04:18 pm:

That's my gut feelings as well, Karen and you guys have helped validate it. I'll talk it over with my dh and decide.

By Colette on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 04:19 pm:

I agree with Karen. Just a thought, if the preschool doesn't allow snacks for birthdays, they might allow a goodie (non food) bag.

By Andi on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 05:02 pm:

Ditto Karen.

By Dana on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 05:21 pm:

I too think it is an all or nothing thing on the cost of the party. If it is too expensive to do, then I would pick something else. Your son should understand (or this is a good time to teach) that you can't have everything we want and we need to compromise.

I think a party for all the kids is in order, and something seperate for just a couple kids of his choice to go to the pumpkin patch. It doesn't need to be a birthday party for the patch, just a simple day/night to enjoy the fall festival as a family w/ a couple of best buddies.

By Tunnia on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 05:46 pm:

I think that if you are requiring a parent to stay with their child then you should pay their entry fee. I also think that this party has a very hefty price tag for a 5th birthday! I'm not familiar with the place you are talking about, but would it be possible to recreate it, to some degree, in your back yard?

By Kay on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 05:47 pm:

I didn't even have to think twice on this one - I've been doing birthday parties for my kids since 1985, and I think I would rather have been tarred and feathered than to ask anyone to pay for any part of a party to which I invited them.

By Kate on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 06:15 pm:

Well, personally, I would not spend that kind of money on a child's birthday party no matter what. I spent $40 on my eight year old's party and I had a very hard time even doing that! Yikes!! I would have a party at your house or a park or someplace much less expensive and I would ask your son to pick a friend or two he'd like to go to the pumpkin patch with and then I'd tell those moms that you and your son are planning to go there some week and would they and their son like to come along? I would expect those moms to pay for themselves and their children in this scenario.

By Coopaveryben on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 06:40 pm:

I do my sons parties at our home and they end up costing close to that by time I buy everything (b-day parties add up so fast).

Have you checked on group rates? Surely it is not as expensive for a group. When my sons preschool goes to the pumpkin patch they get a substantial discount, about $2 a kid is all they pay. Talk to the owners and see what kind of deal you can work out, if the corn maze/pumkin patch is as big there is as it is here do some checking around. Some even do bonfires and such. I don't feel it would be wrong to add a note on for the cost of siblings....every party I have ever had I have had lots of siblings show up.

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 07:57 am:

Wow, I was afraid I'd be the *unpopular* voice in this one.....and after this post I just *might* be, but here goes......

I see no reason to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on kids' birthday parties. It doesn't mean they are loved any more or any less, and IMO, starting the trend of having expensive, extravagent parties just makes them expect that and more each year.

As tempting as it is to give *the best birthday party*, I never gave expensive parties for mine. First of all, I couldn't afford to do it, period. But I remember when all 4 of mine were young - the few kids who had the $400 parties weren't necessarily the best liked kids - rather they were actually being set up to be liked for what they had, rather than who they were.

Mine mostly had parties at home. Most of the time I ordered their cakes, because a) I worked full time and with 4 kids didn't have a lot of extra time, and b) I'm a lousy cook and cake-baker and $15 on a cake was a better option.

I'm not saying you shouldn't have Chuck E Cheese or bowling parties, or whatever. Those *can* be expensive, but you don't have to invite every kid your child knows. I know in preschool it was the *accepted* thing to do - pass out invitations to the entire class. We did that too, for a couple of years. Once my kids got into K or 1st, we stopped doing that, and just invited a handful of friends who got along, and would have FUN together.

ONE year my Mom paid for Space Walk parties for the kids. When the girls were young, they liked slumber parties, and after the first disastrous time, I always made it a rule to have an even number of kids, including the birthday girl, because as we all know, or will learn, girls tend to pair off, and someone gets left out.

Jeff always preferred a family party with cake and such, and going to the movies, or some other activities with 3 other friends. That was just him, most kids probably want to do other stuff.

You can have a GREAT party at home, or a local park or something with cake, ice cream and party games; it takes some organizing and a lot of thought and planning on your part. But the whole point is for the kids to have FUN. As they get a bit older, many of them like to do something really special (which would cost a lot with a bunch of kids) with just one or two other friends

I've rambled, but all I really want to say is you don't have to spend a fortune or go into debt for your child to have a great birthday party that he/she and all the friends will remember. I guess I'm just really against setting a pattern where they will *expect* everyone to make a huge deal out of them every year.

Again, JMO........and we all know what they say about opinions.........LOL

By Renee on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 08:19 am:

I am in totally agreement with Karen.

I could never see paying that much for a 5 year old's party. As much as I love my kids, that is just a lot of money.

He may have liked that last year but that was last year. Try something new for him. Heck McDonald's does great parties for a really low price. And with that you get Happy meals, cake and some games with prizes. I think we paid like $25 for 10 kids and it included everything.

I'm sure he'll have fun regardless of where its at.

By Kernkate on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 08:28 am:

I to have had most of children and stepchildren's party at our house. And they were always a hugh success. And alot less costly. For my oldest DS's 13 birthday we did go to a roller skating rink and even then it was not to expensive.
This Saturday I am having my DD who will be 4 Monday party at our house. I bought some goody bags and we will play some games.
Hope whatever you decide everyone has a great time!

By Kaye on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 08:42 am:

I have bigger parties for my kids until they are about in 2nd grade at that point we really pare down to who are your close friends. That being said, 450 YIKES! And then families still paying more....YIKES YIKES! What I would suggest is have a party, then take him to this place for his birthday with you! My middle son has an oct 30 bday, one year we had the most fun with a halloween theme. We bobbed for apples, wrapped each other like mummies, had a skeleton pinata, etc. They loved this, it was the cheapest, but most fun party ever!

By Beth on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 08:51 am:

Did you check with the place and see if they will give a group discount?

By Lauram on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 10:02 am:

Since my second son was born, we have had parties outside the home. I REFUSE to spend more than $200. (I think that's ALOT). I spend the money though because I work full-time, have two very demanding kids- one with special needs- and have health issues myself. It's worth it for me to have someone else do the organizing and cleaning. With that being said, here's our rule:
first and second birthdays are for family only. Ages 3-5 are for the class (no family). Ages 6-8 are for boys only and two close girl friends if they want. After 8 is only small group parties (like 3 close friends). I would definitely reconsider the location of your party. There are SOOOO many options. Start calling around- but definitely give yourself a price cap. If you want a bigger party- go for the cheaper option. You do need to pay for chaperones- but not for parents who CHOOSE to attend.

By Tklinreston on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 11:38 am:

I really appreciate all of your feedback. You're right, Dana. This will be a good time to teach my ds that we can't always have everything that we want. I will explain to him that the cost is too great to have his party there but we can still go to the pumpkin patch and he can invite 2 of his bestfriends. As for his birthday I'm going to throw something at home. I don't know what I was thinking! Reading all of your posts has helped me come to my senses... It's crazy to spend that kind of money on a birthday party. Like you Laura, I work full time, have a very demanding high maintenance baby (who will NOT go to his dad) and parents who are staying with me and both are ill.... and so throwing something at home was not such an appealing idea but I'll make it work somehow. Maybe I'll hire a clown to do magic tricks... I'm sure that will be alot cheaper than the pumpkin patch. Anyways, thanks for your opinions... they DO count!

By Nancy on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 12:48 pm:

Maybe you can make a little pumpkin patch at your house. The kids can pick a pumpkin and decorate/carve/paint it as a party activity.

By Kay on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 01:26 pm:

Joyce, sometimes all we need to do is to talk out these things among friends - and the answers we need appear. I think your instinct was telling you to get some back-up on this one...and your instinct was correct! I'm sure the birthday party will be a success, simply because you care so much.

By Tklinreston on Wednesday, September 22, 2004 - 01:37 pm:

Decorating the pumpkin at the party is a great idea. I'm going to use that one! And, thanks for your kind words and encouragement, Kaye. All the moms here at momsview care so much for their little ones. That's what makes this place so special.

By Insaneusmcwife on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 01:43 am:

I agree with Karen completely. In fact, my ds will be 7 next month and has an extremely long list of people he wants to invite to Pharoas (a mini theme park) There is just no way this is going to happen. I gave him a budget and 2 choices. He could pick 2 friends to take to Pharoas or he could invite everyone on his list and have it at our house. He chose to have it at our house with all his friends. So now we are making our invitations, pinata and decorations. I of course will be making the cake.