Our ds will not stay in bed the past few nights. He says he wants to cuddle, so i cuddle with him for a few minutes. And it's not like i don't hug and kiss him all day long, i'm alway hugging him and stuff so its not like he is deprived attention.
Anyways, he says he want to cuddle, so we do that. We always have the same bedtime routine and nothing has changed in it. He is in this phase where he says he is scared of something in his room, but I know he is just saying that to stall. He also told us this evening that he doesn't like where his bed it, so we moved it to where he wanted it, thinking "o.k., maybe this will work" but it didn't .
Tonight we read books, cuddled, said prayers and did our whole nighttme routine. We told him that he needs to stay on his blue carpet, in his room. We even told him that it is o.k. if he wants to look at books or play in his room, as long as he stayed in his room. As soon as I walk downstairs he tells me "mom, i need to say something to you" or "Mom, come up here" It's just so tiring since 8:00 or 8:30 is bedtime and we (dh and I ) are both looking forwrd to some quiet, adult time. I know it is just a phase. We have actually been through this before with him.

Right now my dh is sitting at the top of the stairs by ds's bedroom door so ds will stay in bed. He feels more secure since daddy is right there i guess. I really don't want to start this staying by the bedroom door thing. Since i KNOW he will want that tomorrow night and the next night, etc..

Anyone BTDT?

By Gammiejoan on Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 09:18 am:

Patti, my ds and dil have this same problem with their 3 year old ds. They haven't come across anything yet that works, and I'm looking forward to reading the responses you get. I'm sure someone will have some strategy that has worked for them.

By Pamt on Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 11:07 am:

When our boys each went through this little phase, we used our leverage as the ones in control *sneaky grin.* They both likes to sleep with their doors cracked, a hall light on, and they each had a special something they slept with (which is another story in and of itself). So... they were allowed one "Mom...I'm scared" or "Dad...my back itches" and then they started losing privileges. Next time they called out they lost their comfort object, again and the hall light was turned off, again and their door was closed. It only took a time a two for them to realize that it was to their advantage to get themselves to sleep without repeated requests of mom and dad.

And...just so you know we weren't totally heartless we had read, said prayers, snuggled, scratched backs, gotten a bedside water cup, gone to the potty, etc. as part of our bedtime routine BEFORE bed. Oh!! ANd the before bed monster check too---in the closet and under the bed

By Audreyj on Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 11:21 am:

Well......

The truth is, when my first dd was three, we bought her a yellow (her favorite color) plastic bed shaped like a car at Toys R Us ($130) a great investment, though. It has been a bed, a playhouse, a fort, all kinds of stuff, she will be 8 in a couple of months and she stills plays with it. With my second child we invested in a red (her favorite color) fire engine bed ($120) at Toys R Us. After the purchase of the "carbeds" the kids enjoyed staying in their beds and it just wasn't an issue!

Maybe we are lousy disciplinarians, maybe not....

But DH and I both agree it was the best investment in years of uninterrupted sleep we ever made!

AJ

By Bellajoe on Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 12:45 pm:

Pamt, did your ds's scream as if they were dying when you turned off the light or took their bedtime friend away? That is alot of the problem here. If we did that to our son he would just scream and cry at the top of his lungs! We do the door shutting thing, if he stays in bed his door stays open. If he gets out of bed, we close the door. And like i said, he screams and cries. I guess i am looking for a less dramatic solution. But that may just be impossible, especially for our drama boy.

Thanks and please, keep the suggestions coming!

By Lauram on Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 02:11 pm:

I personally would never take the bedtime snuggly away. They did that with DS #1 at nap time and I had a huge issue with it (he now has generalized anxiety disorder). We had to sit in the hallway with him for awhile- but it passed. My second son is more "needy" at bedtime (he's 2 1/2) and needs someone to lie on his bed until he falls asleep. It's a major pain right now, but at least he's not in our bed (that's how I look at it). When he was an infant I thought he'd NEVER get out of our bed (he did at 5 mo). I guess the way I look at it is "this, too, shall pass." In the scheme of the issues we deal with in our house, this one is not a big deal IMHO.

By Pamt on Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 10:51 pm:

Patti, they certainly fussed and I'm sure some tears were shed, but not to the point of hysteria. BUT...it only took once or twice and then they got the message that mom and dad would not be manipulated and the game was over. They stayed in bed without calling for us, the door stayed cracked and they kept their comfort objects, and mom and dad got some rest so everyone was happy

By Bellajoe on Saturday, September 18, 2004 - 11:09 pm:

Tonight things were better. He just wants us to be there with him. No amount of cuddles will help that separation. My dh sat at the top of the steps by his bedroom door tonight and told ds that he would be there till he fell asleep. He was asleep within 5 minutes.

It is definitely a separation thing he is going through. All of a sudden he "NEEDS" me to go to the bathroom with him...in our own home. I "HAVE" to stay right by the door, with the door open so he can go potty. He now won't go upstairs to the bedrooms or downstairs to the basement/playroom with out someone else. Whereas before he would go anywhere in the house by himself with no problem. ahh, the trials and tribulations of parenthood . I just keep telling myself and dh that it is just a phase, and he will only be 3 once.

By Lauram on Sunday, September 19, 2004 - 04:20 pm:

It helps me to have something to read while I'm waiting for my son to fall asleep. It makes the time pass quicker and more enjoyably.

By Conni on Monday, September 20, 2004 - 11:55 am:

Good for you Bellajoe for being understanding of your child and realizing 'this too shall pass'.

You sound like a very loving mother.

By Eve on Monday, September 20, 2004 - 12:33 pm:

Hang in there. I wish I had advice for you, but this has always been an ongoing challenge for us. Before we had kids, I remember thinking "What's the big deal? Our child will never sleep with us! Piece of cake!" Boy, I had no clue! LOL!

All I can really tell you, is to just stick with it. Routine, routine, routine. It's the only thing our DD responds to in this area. Good luck.

By Bellajoe on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 07:46 am:

Thank you Conni, i appreciate that!

Well, last night was better. My dh told him that it was time to sleep and that mommy and daddy will be right downstairs on the computer/reading. He went through all his friends names, telling ds that "so and so is a big boy and is alraedy in bed and sleeping. He doesn't sleep with his mom" and stuff like that. To let him know that his friends are in bed and fine without mom or dad, so there is nothing to be afraid of.

We think it may have to do with some anxiety about starting preschool. Yesterday was his first day and he did great. And today he said that he is excited about going to school. So we will see how tonight goes!

By Eve on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 10:16 am:

That's great,Patti! I hope tonight goes just as well!

By Kristie on Tuesday, September 21, 2004 - 10:17 pm:

My ds is 5 and still has this problem every now and then. He tells us that he had a bad dream and is scared to go to sleep. This si what has worked for us. We read a story, say prayers, and then he says a prayer on he dream catcher to have good dreams, then I take an empty arisol hair spray can and spray "anti monster spray" under his bed and in shadows. He has also drank "magic potions (a shot glass of sugar water) before brushin his teeth to keep bad dreams away. We just add diffrent things like that to the bed time routine and when one thing stops working then we make up something else to replace it. I would never take his stuffed animal away or shut off the hall light. I don't want him to go to bed scared or sad.

By Cakekisses324 on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 06:04 pm:

Thats a cute idea, Kristie. Two of my s-children sleep w/their mom at her house. Over here the issue has never occured. Hopefully it is a phase. Good Luck

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, September 23, 2004 - 06:16 pm:

I love reading these stories to see what i'm in for

I just transferred DDs crib to a toddler bed and shes doing great, though I still had to buy the bedrail. I wanted to teach her how to get out of bed in the morning and lay with me so I could possibly sneak in a few more Zzzzz's. Today was the first day she realized she could get out of it. If she does during nap time she just plays in her room and i'll occasionally catch her coming downstairs and just tell her "Come on, it's time for night night." I lay her in bed, give her a kiss and her blankie and walk out and I can hear her humming herself to sleep..LOL!

So this is my reminder to enjoy these easy moments before the real test comes. Thanks for the warning! LOL!

By Bellajoe on Friday, September 24, 2004 - 07:28 am:

That's for sure Melissa! I remember the days where i put him in his crib with his blankie and said night night and could leave the room. He would cry for 3 minutes then he was out. Too bad those days are gone! That's cute that she hums herself to sleep!

This has been and on and off battle since he's been in a bed. Thankfully it has been more off than on though