Ok, we had another rough morning today. DD had dance class. She got up and was happy until it came time to get ready to go. She freaked and didn't want to put on clean underwear, then didn't want to wear her tights, then wanted to wear her indoor only ballet shoes out. It was a battle of the wills. I tried hard not to freak out and yell! I did pretty well, but there was a lot of me walking out of the room. LOL! I also gave a lot of choices! "Do you want to put on your tights now or in a few mintues?"

Last week, we actually missed a day of Preschool because she refused to go. She woke up super early for her and got dressed, ate breakfast, we packed our snack, brushed our teeth. When it came time to brush her hair, she freaked out and lost it!

I am now realizing that she is not getting enough sleep. DH has been working later and later, and she stays up to see him at night and has been going to bed later and later. Last night, she wasn't asleep until 9:30pm. Plus, she has been taking less naps!

Anyway, I would love any advice on the transition from staying at home, only having to be somewhere one morning a week and flexible, to we have to be somewhere 3 mornings a week. I'm flustered today!!

By Kaye on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 05:03 pm:

I think you hit it on the head with the sleep thing! Kids that age need at least 12 hours of sleep, getting them to get them may or may not happen, but really they need it! Also don't let her win. Having a melt down and not going shows her that works. You might want to rethink your choices, do YOU want to put your tights on, or do you want ME to put them on? Do you want to walk out the door like a big girl, or do you want me to carry you (kicking and screaming )? In general some kids are just harder to get going than others, but if this is something you have made a decision to do, then you need to do it and she will eventually adjust. It just may take some time!

By Mommyathome on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 05:16 pm:

((((hugs))))
The joys of kids!
Ditto Kaye. She may need more sleep. Of course she probably doesn't think so LOL I would try that first.
Also, I know that you do a lot of Love & Logic disciplining, but I have to agree with Kaye again on this one. Don't let her win the battles. Staying home from preschool just shows her that she is in charge and can do what she wants. I like the choices that Kaye gave as well.

Let's see....only about 16 more years of this and she'll be all raised up Just enjoy how cute she is...and be sure to write down these frustrating things so that you can share them with her in 20 or so years

By Luv2fly on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 06:15 pm:

Perhaps letting her know that staying at home is not an otpion? If she does not go to preschool let her know that you are not going to change YOUR plans...then make sure it is something really boring you have planned like furniture shopping, hardware store, etc. something she does not enjoy. After a really boring day she might find it easier to go to school.

As far as morning routine, I have done sticker charts with my girls in the past. A big poster board with everything they need to do from waking up with a smile to putting on shoes and socks and everything in between. All "chores" must be done to get a sticker. So many stickers gets a prize. We also like to set out clothes the night before and do not allow any tv until all morning "chores" or items are done.

Those three year olds have such strong wills! Good luck!

By Trina~moderator on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 06:15 pm:

Does she have to wear tights? Is it OK to go with just a leotard and ballet shoes? At that age I was NEVER successful at getting B to wear tights. Besides the fact it's still summer-like weather. I wouldn't want to wear tights either! It's too hot! LOL! Oh, I have so BTDT with challenges getting out the door in the morning. Imagine getting more than one child ready. UG! Now that Ty & B are older it has gotten easier but it was not fun when they were younger. Toddlers and preschoolers are master dawdlers! My advice is to get as much as possible ready the night before. I agree that she wins if you don't go. Many times I've struggled with a screaming child to strap him/her into a car seat. They screamed all the way to the destination and then stopped when we got there. As time went on and they saw I wasn't going to buckle because of their uncooperativeness (is that a word?!) the tantrums became less frequent. VERY frustrating, but I certainly couldn't have BOTH kids miss school because ONE was melting down. More specifically, I didn't want Ty to miss school (K and Gr. 1 at the time) because B was having a melt down. It is a tough transition when you're used to a laid back routine and didn't have to go out if you didn't want to. That's why I liked starting preschool at 3, which is only 2 mornings a week, PreK 4s - 3 mornings, Kindergarten - 5 half days, etc.. It's a gradual transition to full day school in Gr. 1. Does she like stickers? Maybe try a sticker chart for days when she does well on school mornings. Does she like her teacher? B would often change her tune if I said, "We need to go. Mrs. Smith is waiting for you." Well, that often made all the difference! Or mention a friend's name who is at school waiting to see her. I have to eat dinner but will try to think of what else worked in our household. {{{HUGS}}} Hang in there!

By Tonya on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 09:11 pm:

I say betime should start at like 7pm and by 8pm she should be in bed for the night if dad misses that then so be it until you can get her in the routine all of the time that is going to have to be what happens. Good luck I know it is rough even with just one!!

By Melanie on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 09:25 pm:

Bottom line, Eve, is if you are dealing with a sleepy child you are not going to have a happy cooperative child, no matter how many stickers or what discipline approach you are using. I think you are absolutely on the money when you said it's related to her staying up later to see Daddy. I don't agree that she won when she didn't go to school last week. I say that because you told me she fell asleep about an hour after that episode happened. I agree that you should work on shifting that bedtime to an earlier time so that she can be well rested in the morning.

BTW Robin, Kaye didn't say anything that conflicts with Love and Logic. I am not sure if you have the wrong impression of what that method is, but it certainly is not a wishy-washy child-led approach by any means.

Hang in there, Eve. She'll get there.

By Mommyathome on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 09:49 pm:

Sorry, I guess I ran two thoughts together there. I didn't mean to imply that Kaye was referring to L&L. I have 2 L&L books, but haven't read them. I just know that there is an entirely different approach to discipline through L&L. I was thinking that Sydney maybe got to choose to stay home, and was assuming that it came from L&L. I guess I jumped the gun.

I think Sydney won the battle by getting to stay home because *she* refused to go.
IMO, I think she should have been required to go even if she didn't want to. Like Eve stated in the Newsweek article....the grownups should be running the show. (not an exact quote) Sometimes in life we have to do things that we've committed to even if we decide we'd rather not.

By Debbie on Monday, September 13, 2004 - 09:59 pm:

Eve, I agree that it sounds like she is just not getting enough sleep. I know my oldest is a bear in the mornings when he doesn't go to bed by 8pm. I would really try and adjust her sleep schedule so she is in bed earlier. Also, we have a morning routine, just like we have our bedtime routine at night. I also know that when we are running late, I get really stressed. I know my 4 year old senses this and goes nuts, so I try and make sure I have plenty of time in the mornings.

It will get easier. It is just a big adjustment when you have a set schedule and places to go each day. She will get used to it.

By Trina~moderator on Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 07:53 am:

I definitely agree to address the sleep issue first. Thought I mentioned that, but just re-read my post and noticed I didn't. Argh!

By Karen~moderator on Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 07:55 am:

Ditto the sleep issue.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

By Amecmom on Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 09:11 am:

Ditto. Get the sleep issue under contol and worry about the other stuff after. It sounds like you are doing a great job with the choices. You can also try taking away a toy each time she does not listen.
Lately, my son has gotten into the habit of not following my directions. He crawls under the dining room table so that I can't get to him.
I finally told him that each time he didn't listen to what I told him, I would take away one of his trains (he loves his Thomas trains). I told him that only responsible, good, boys played with Thomas.
I have not had to take away a train yet! When he does not do as I ask, I ask him if he wants James or Henry to go away because he's not doing the right thing. He immediately does what I ask.
Good luck getting her ready in the am.
Ame

By Fraggle on Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 09:16 am:

First, Hugs to you Eve! We have been falling into the late bedtime rut, too. My DH's schedule has been wacky and the girls have wanted to stay up to see him. Luckily, he has been able to spend a few mornings home instead to make up the time.

Eve, does she have more than one outfit for dancing class? Maybe giving her the power to choose an outfit to wear to dancing would help. Does she enjoy dance class? Both of my girls love their classes, but I have seen a lot of little girls who would rather skip the whole thing, too. And, if she doesn't have to wear the tights, skip them for now. Is the dance school air conditioned?

By Eve on Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 09:51 am:

Today was a success! She took a nap yeterday afternoon, then we started the evening routine last night at 7pm. She still was not asleep until after 9pm, but atleast she was quietly resting for a good amount of time. What a difference. She woke up with a smile. We were ready so early, that we had time to go get a donut. I surprised her by just stopping.

Thanks, Melanie. I think I probably explained it to you more in depth than what I posted.

I knew this was a sleep issue. The only time we have major meltdowns is when she is tired like this. (Normally though, it's when we are doing a lot of traveling and are away from home)

I also agree in not letting her "win." We've left many stores, playdates, and fun things carrying her out kicking and screaming. I don't mind doing that at all, especially when it's a behavioral thing. But, this particular morning, it wasn't just any meltdown. It was very obvious to me that she was exhausted. I called her school and they thought it wasn't a bad thing to keep her home, so I totally thought I was doing the right thing.(I actually never thought it was wrong until I posted my frusteration here.) Especially, when after she fell asleep she asked to go to school and was upset that I wouldn't bring her in late. I also did take toys away. Her favorite yellow Herbie car was taken, as was her tv. She still has to earn some "being sweet points" and do some extra chores around the house before she gets them back. (They are still in the closet) I told her I would also think of a way she could pay Daddy and I back for missing school, since we had to pay for it. I wasn't sure if taking even more toys away would be the answer, so on Saturday she was made to pay with her own money to ride some rides at a local fair we have. There were no rewards for her missing school and having a meltdown. There was, however, a sound asleep child who obviously needed sleep more than she needed to be at school. I focused in on meeting that need last week. Just as I am doing my best to change her evening routine so that it doesn't happen again.

This is a big transition for her, so I'm taking it slow. The advice about starting the evening routine is great and I'm going to make myself stick with it. You're right, Tonya. Dad or no Dad, I need to do it! I'll see what kind of sticker chart I can make too. We've been laying out clothes in the evening ahead of time too, and that does help. Today went better than yesterday or last week, so I'm hoping it just gets a little easier. Melanie, you were right. Better to deal with it now, than in Kindergarten.

By Conni on Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 12:19 pm:

Eve, at 3 yrs of age it is not wrong to keep your child home and let them rest. You are able to do this because you are a sahm. Its just one of the benefits. I dont think you did anything wrong or let her *win* anything. You knew what she needed and you did it. ;)

I have no advice on girls and tights. LOL All boys here.

Last yr when Blake was 3 he didnt want to go to school half the time. It wasnt even due to being tired. He is just such a mama's boy. He would say (all the way to school) 'why cant I stay with you today?' 'I dont want to miss you all day', etc... I finally just pulled him out and decided he didnt have to go at 3. I kept him home for a few more months (because I could, since I am a sahm). He started this yr in a 1/2 day afternoon preschool class. He goes M-Thurs and he *loves* it! On the way to school now he says 'Mommy, arent you soooo proud of me for being such a big boy' LOL Not that this has anything to do with Syd --I am just babbling now.

A donut sounds really good right now.

By Colette on Tuesday, September 14, 2004 - 08:24 pm:

Eve, just wanted you to know, I am thinking of you. I haven't been posting a lot lately but I have been reading. I just started working in preschool this year, after being in extended day K for several years. There are quite a few kids that are exhausted, crying, basically freaking on their parents when being dropped off, I don't know who I feel for more, the parent or the child. I think you made the right choice keeping her home when you knew she was exhausted. After all, she is only 3 and school is a big thing for a 5 yr old nevermind a 3 yr old.

By Eve on Wednesday, September 15, 2004 - 09:15 am:

Thanks ladies.