Am I overreacting?
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive July-December 2004:
Am I overreacting?
I am so mad. Yesterday dd came home from daycare with a raging case of diaper rash, her daily report sheet said nothing about her day (aparently she ate nothing, did nothing and didn't sleep all day). But what really sent me through the roof is that her report sheet had her name wrong on it. Her name is Alexis and they wrote Alexia on it. The last name was correct. I had noticed that once before but thought that everyone makes mistakes and she was probably in a hurry when the teacher wrote it. When my husband said something about it, the girl who was there said that sometimes the morning teacher calls our daughter by the wrong name.
Anyway...my husband is supposed to say something to the teacher today but I really want to call and complain to the supervisor. DD is only 18 months old. It's not only confusing to her but I find it very disrespectful that her daily teacher can't even make it a point to remember the right name. She has been in that teacher's room everyday for over 2 months! It just infuriates me. Am I overreacting? Should I go to the supervisor?
Unacceptable. I'd have been in the supervisor's office two months ago and every day since then. You should run, not walk.
State laws mandate just how many children one care provider can have in a daycare setting. They are particularly strict for children under the age of two. In the state of MD, a day care provider is allowed 3 children under the age of two in their room and that is it. So with two providers you are looking at a class size of 6 children. I'd think that you could remember their names.
A few thoughts as I've been doing the day care route for 2 years now.
1. They can remember your child's name. They must make the effort. It is their job and what they get paid for. If they don't do it, then they lose their job. REPORT THEM! No excuses accepted.
2. They should be filling out the daily sheets. If they aren't, then again, they lose their job. NO EXCUSES!
3. They should be able to tell you what your child's day was like. How they acted. What they ate. Whether they napped well. What they did all day. If they can't, then they didn't do their job. NO EXCUSES!
4. Diaper rash happens but you should have been told about it. Your daily sheet should have the times that your child was changed and whether they were dirty or just wet. Our day care provider even lets us know about changes in color and texture. (way TMI sometimes)
I've been in the supervisor's office at our daycare so many times that she gave me her home phone number. I see things and know things that she could take weeks to catch.
I saw a provider shaking a baby's crib one morning. I cried when I told the supervisor what I'd seen. I felt guilty. She made me feel better by saying that she would take care of it and no one would know it was me. After that I didn't care.
I had a provider tell me that they would be glad when my child moved to another room so that whoever was telling me information about his day would stop. Into the supervisor's room again. What did this person not want me to know? I considered it a threat to my child and I wanted it fixed. That is how it was put to her and I never heard another word.
Daycare is not a bad thing. But everyone has to be aware and work together. Your part is letting the supervisor know when things are not the way they should be. No provider should ever be in such a hurry that they don't take the time to get a child's name right. What a cop out!
Once again......run don't walk......and take a bullhorn with you. Don't take any excuses. Apologies and it won't happen again are about all you should hear. If you still have the daily sheet with you, take it in to the supervisor. Ask if there are monitored rooms that you can watch the tape. If you can't watch the tape, can you watch the live feed? Go and watch the tape right after you drop your daughter off at the daycare. Be a squeaky wheel!
Sorry, I got carried away. I guess you can tell that you hit a sensitive spot for me.
 I'm glad that you replied like that. Makes me feel better. My husband is going to speak with them today when he picks up dd. I don't understand how they can't remember her name! There are three Alexis' in the class. This stuff all started recently. Up until now I didnt really have any complaints.
OK I think that my blood pressure is starting to go back to normal.
Amanda is right, you are your dd's biggest activist, don't let the walk over you.
If they are confusing you dd with other kids is she truly getting the care she needs? Is that why she had a diaper rash.
You are not overreacting at all.
I work in daycare and the ratio in FL is 1:6 for 12 to 18 months. I worked for 1 1/2 years in a room with a lead teacher and I and 12 kids, full capacity. That is two adults, 12 children. How often does the sheet not get filled out? Sometimes the days are so hectic and an unusual circumstance could have happened. We missed our daily reports maybe once a month. Could the teacher possibly have someone in their family that has a similar name to the child? Slips like that are easy to make. There were two in my room with such similar names that I would mix them up, the names, not the kids. I would then restate my sentence so the children knew who I was talking to. I think the teacher would appreciate it if you talked to HER first. Maybe give her the benefit of the doubt that if you explain your irks she will try harder. Daycare is a HARD JOB. Communication is KEY between the parent and teacher or even assistant! We don't have esp!
OOPS I forgot the rash..NO excuse fot that. Are you sure it isn't afternoon staff that isn't taking care of the bottom and not the morning teacher? I have seen it happen a LOT. Afternoon staff don't always do what they should.
I am 40. My first job was a daycare provider at 18, so I have been a caregiver for many years.
1. Please check your provider's credentials. What education and experience is there?
2. Ask about the shift change and how it is handled?
3. "Drop in" more than once, unexpectedly, and be observant, how does the room smell? A good center usually smells of cleanser and cookies. Are the kids smiling? Is anyone yelling? Try not to "drop in" in the morning (when everyone is dropping off children) or the afternoon (when everyone is picking up) try to "drop in" at an "odd time" like 1PM or 2:30. Observe what the kids are doing?
4. Look at the provider's clothes and their appearance? Do they look glad to be there or burned out? Do they smile at each other and seem to get along or does one tend to stay at one end of the room while the other is at the oppisite end?
5. Go into the children's bathroom at the center, is it clean?
6. Read the posted menus, are they rotated regularly? Is art posted at a level where children can view it? Do the kids seem relaxed or are they tense?
You know your standards, don't abandon them. Make sure the daily sheet is filled out. As far as your child having diaper rash, supply ointment with your child's name and see how often it is used by checking your child's bag. I knew all my kid's names by the end of the first day, but if you are concerned, take a piece of masking tape and write your daughter's name on it and attach it to her back where she can't reach it, when in doubt, the provider can always simply read the name off of the child's back.
Now---I am going to risk offending you, frankly, if my child came home with no daily sheet filled out, the provider did not know her name, she had diaper rash and I knew she was receiving what I would consider to be "substandard" care I would start looking for a new center. I realize financial situations are tough in our country today and many families have to work to survive. It is not my intention to offend or judge you, and I hope my frank opinion doesn't hurt you. But you know the standard of care you want for your child and you know that this center did not meet that standard. For me, the choice is clear, my child would go somewhere else. AJ
I look around for a long time before we found this daycare. It is one of the best in our area.
The teacher has an AAS in child education. One teacher with a degree must be present in the room at all times.
DD is with the same teacher until the last hour or so of the day when she moves to another room with another teacher (hers leaves).
We drop in at all times. My husband has dropped by in the middle of the day. I've picked her up unexpectedly in the mid afternoon. The place is spotless and smells like disinfectant.
The center head is meticulous about the employee's presentation. They have a strict dress code.
They are great with stimulating the kids (art music, songs, dance, outside play...)
This was an isolated incident that happened once. It just all happened to be in one day and I was angry. They changed her and put ointment on her every hour today. The head teacher was not present this afternoon at pick up so the director saw the empty sheet with the wrong name. She was furious and told us that it will not happen again. And I believe her because the last time that I voiced concern over something it did not happen again.
I want to thank Kim. My roommate in college used to work at the daycare and it was really hard on her. I can't imagine how they do it. The reason why her sheet was empty was because the teacher had to left early that day. They were great today about making sure that she was changed frequently and ointment was applied every hour. And the name situation has been addressed. If it persists, DD will be moved to another room with a new teacher. If there are still problems she we will move her.
Thanks for letting me vent about it.
I am glad it is an isolated incident! It is great that she is with the same teacher all day too! That consistency is so important. Kelly, it sounds, overall, like a good daycare.
Audrey, I agree with your advice. I do disagree, with the dress issue though. We are not supplied clothes/scrubs and we use bleach water to clean certain things. I cannot afford to wear good clothes, but I wear decent clothes. If they have paint stains or bleach spots I still have to use them. I am sure I look like a slob sometimes! But I work with the little ones....constant spaghetti sauce hands, etc. The daycare wants to order uniforms, but at our cost. As a single mom I can't afford that either. And I would still get bleach and other stains on my clothes. Just another point of view.....
Also, one at one end of room and one at other is not always a bad thing. I think it is worse if the caretakers are huddled together and the kids are all over. I conclude that they are talking unless doing an activity. 18 months move around too much, unlike the older kids who have more structured activities.
What is it with the Alexis, Alexa, Alexia thing?
My dd is named Alexa and she had a daycare teacher that started to call her Alexi. Today her new second grade teacher called her Alexis!
1st day and Lexi is big enough now to correct it. Remember the squeeky wheel gets the grease, good luck.
lol Melissa. What have I done to my daughter? She'll never be called by the right name.
Well today we received an apology from the head teacher for everything. There is a new morning person who keeps calling her Alexia and when my husband asked the afternoon girl about the name thing the other day, the afternoon girl was quick to point the finger at the wrong person.
The daily sheets have been filled out completely and thankfully Lexie's awful diaper rash is clearing.
Thanks again everyone.
I had a problem with a daycare when my kids were little. I sent my kids there because I had gotten good references from some of my family members and friends. It appeared to be a good place but three things happened to make me change my mind about this place.
1. Gabe was two years old and learning to do crafts, coloring, etc. Every time he brought something home with his name on it, it said DAVE, not Gabe. That was just a little irritating.
2. They did not work with me at all when I was potty training him. I used the method of using big boy underwear instead of pull ups because the wet sensation helped me train them easier. I took lots of changes of clothes, but they would borrower other kids' diapers and put them on Gabe. Unacceptable! What about those other parents that were buying diapers for my kid....geez.
3. My older son was 4 at the time and he got severely ill, with blood in his stool. He was in the hospital for two days with a bacterial infection in his intestines. I later found out that the sink in his classroom was broken and they were not washing their hands regularly. I was livid!
I took them out of that center immediately! The owner of the daycare had the nerve to try to take me to court and charge me because I did not give notice. I got an attorney who brought up the fact that my son was hospitalized with a bacterial infection that one of the teachers also was hospitalized with and the sink was broken for about a month.
That lady looked like she swallowed her (excuse me) butthole and the judge reprimanded her and dismissed the case.
If you don't stand up for that little one, who will?
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