My son and his best friend, both 8.5, are playing Pop Warner football. This is the first time his friend has done any type of organized activity. He's more of a quiet observer. So when he said he wanted to play football, his parents signed him right up. Well, now that he's in it he doesn't enjoy it. It's very intense. Practice is 2-2.5 hours, five days a week, with games or scrimmages on the weekend. His friend cries before practice saying he doesn't want to go. We still have about 9 weeks left to go. His mom is so torn right now. She wants him to see it through, but at the same time he really is just not liking it. Also, if the coach learns that he doesn't want to be there, they will remove him from the team (league rule). When he's at practice he does as he is told, so it's not obvious to anyone else that he isn't in to it.
What do you think? Should she continue to make him play or let him quit?

By Eight_Kids on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 12:27 pm:

JMHO...but at the age of 8.5...I'd probably go ahead and let him quit if he dislikes it that much. I would definitely be a little more hesistant in signing him up for things in the future (for a little while anyway) but 8.5 seems kind of young to actually grasp what he's getting himself into.

By Happynerdmom on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 12:33 pm:

Personally, I would make him stick it out the rest of the season. First and foremost, to teach him about commitment, once you say you are going to do something, you do it. And in sports, it's not just about you...it's also about the team. Also, lots of kids don't like football at first when it's just practices, etc. Lots of times, by the end of the season, they have a better perspective. (My 11 year-old ds has played for three years, loves football, but still complains at the beginning of every season!) Football definitely is not for everyone, but I would make him finish the season, then if he doesn't want to play next year, that would be okay. JMO.

By Mommyathome on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 01:19 pm:

Based on his history, I would probably let him quit. IMO the mom should have found something not so intense to start out with. That is a lot of hours of practicing.

By Eve on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 01:28 pm:

Tough one. I agree that making and keeping commitment is important, but he shouldn't be miserable either. Maybe some happy compromise can be reached. Can he help out with the team without actually playing? So, he could keep the commitment of being part of the team, but without the tears. Tough! I have no idea what I would do.

By Melanie on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 01:35 pm:

Thanks for the thoughts so far! Robin, trust me, she tried. Soccer, baseball...she tried to talk him into all of them. He never showed any interest. He's even gone to watch various practices and games when his friends are on teams, but still he never wanted to join. He watches football with his dad every week. So when my son told him he was being signed up for football and he said he wanted to play, his parents were just thrilled that he finally wanted to play something. And honestly, the intensity was big news to all of us. This is way beyond any sports experience we have ever had. So ideally, yes, he would have started with something less intense. But that's just not the way it worked out.

By Melanie on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 01:44 pm:

I don't know, Eve. The thing is, if she asks that question he will be removed from the team. I think Michele makes a good point about it not being that enjoyable for many while all they are doing is practicing. He even missed the scrimmage this weekend since he was out of town. We have our jamboree this Sunday. Perhaps he will enjoy it more after that.

By Truestori on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 01:59 pm:

This is tuff. I'm wondering if he is playing because he nows your son is really involved in sports and he knows his father loves the sport he chose! It sounds to me like he is trying to be like the other kids, and finding out the hard way that this isn't for him. I find that living in a community where sports are very popular it can be hard for the child,especially a boy, to say I really don't want to play.

By Debbie on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 03:18 pm:

I would wait and have him play a few games and then if he still doesn't like it, then I would let him quit. I do believe in teaching children to stick to something that they commit to. However, because of the situation, I would let him quit if he really doesn't like it. For one, this doesn't seem to be a pattern for him, signing up for stuff and then quitting. Also, it is turning out to be a very competitive, intense environment, which is hard for some dks. I tend to agree with Truestori, sounds like he wanted to try sports, and it isn't for him. I know that one of my neighbor's boys, doesn't like sports and she says he feels left out a lot. It seems like every other boy in the neighborhood is involved in one sport or another.

By Lauram on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 03:36 pm:

I would let him quit- if he wants to. Has he said that? THat's very intense for that young of a kid and there is nine more weeks to go. That's a long time!

By Karen~moderator on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 06:56 pm:

Melanie, my kids were involved in lots of activities when they were that age. Jeff kept nagging me for 2 years to play football. I knew in my heart he was not cut out for it. He's a bony/skinny type, and really not athletically inclined.

I had always made them start what they finished - music lessons, guitar lessons, baseball, dance lessons - I wanted to teach them about having an obligation and commitment to the team, and teach them responsibility, and teach them not to be *quitters*.

I finally relented and allowed him to go out for football on the local Rec. Dept. team. After 3 grueling practices, picking him up in tears, holding his ribs, hurting from being knocked down and around, I let him quit.

Mommy instinct should play a huge part in this one. I think this is a case of *go with your gut*. If her child is truly miserable, by all means let him quit.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Wednesday, August 25, 2004 - 11:10 pm:

I agree with Karen. Maybe they should look into something that isn't sports related. My older children are more the artsy type of kids. My daughter sings, plays piano both with out lessons. But hand her a bat and she can't hit a ball to save her life. And give my son a pad of paper and an idea and he can draw you anything you want but tell him to stand there and let some kid knock him down forget it. Maybe he isn't cut out for sports not all of us are. Or maybe he would do better playing golf or bowling. Something with no physical contact.

By Feona on Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 06:56 am:

If he wants to quit, I think it is fine. He might not want to quit because his best friend is doing it.

I agree with sticking it out, but not in this case due to the 7 days a week work out schedule and it might hurt. It is not the same as a once a week hour class.

By Conni on Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 10:22 am:

My first question is-- What is 'POP Warner Football'? Is it tackle or flag?

I have a 7th grader in tackle football (his 3rd yr to play). They certainly dont work out 5 nights a week. None of the parents would go for that. The kids are too beat up after Monday and Tuesday night practice. Most parents here go to church on Wednesday nights. Thursday we practice again and very rarely do they practice on Friday nights--that is most peoples family time around here. If they do practice on Friday the coach makes it a short practice. The other nights of practice are very intense 2.5 hrs or longer some nights. Games are on Saturday mornings or Tuesday nights. My son has been asking if he could skip practice. He knows at this age if you skip practice the coach wont play you. He *loves* it when the games start. They dont practice as intensely and they enjoy playing the games. This is a child that wants to play for the Dallas Cowboys one day. So he really does love the sport. Not all kids can play football--it is just brutal.

So I have to agree with Debbie-- have him stick it out until they play a game or two and if he doesnt enjoy it then just pull him off the team. Football is a tough sport it isnt for everyone. My middle ds (10.5) would *never* sign up for football. He does play piano. He wanted to quit piano the first 6mos--I made him commit to one full year. At one yr I asked if he wanted to quit and he said 'NO' he was enjoying it more the longer he played. He has almost played 2 full yrs now and doesnt show any signs of wanting to quit. He even plays thru the summer. He is going to play Soccer this Fall-- but I can tell you from past experience--he wont like all the running. He said after Soccer he wants to sign up for Swim team. I think he will LOVE the swim team.

There are alot of options. Let him keep trying things until he figures out what his nitch is. Thats what life is all about. Trying new things. None of us like the same things-- he wont suffer long term damage because you let him quit a team when he is 8 yo. If it were a less brutal sport I would probably be inclined to make him tough it out the few short weeks of the season. But Football is NOT for everyone.

By Melanie on Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 10:30 am:

Thank you everyone for your thoughts!! I told his mom I had posted this question for her and she perked right up wanting to know all of your opinions.

To Stori, we actually live in an area where sports are not that popular. We live in a small, very *hippy* area where most of the kids are into yoga instead of sports. There are 12 kids entering third grade at my kids school this year. 7 of those are boys. 1 is into sports. (That's mine, LOL). Four of the boys are really close-my son, the boy we have been talking about and two others. This is the first time playing on a team with one of them. So I don't think he felt pressure from that angle.

I hope he does find an interest somewhere, whether it is sports, music or whatever. I know his parents would be happy to support him no matter what he expressed an interest in. Unfortunately, this is the first time he has ever asked to be signed up for anything, and it hasn't been a good experience so far.

I think for now she is going to wait for the first couple of games before deciding. I told her about Michele's son and she was really reassured that maybe, just maybe, he will end up liking it.

Thanks again everyone. The opinions on both sides of this are really helpful!! I know she appreciates it!

By Melanie on Thursday, August 26, 2004 - 10:43 am:

Conni, it is tackle football. Pop Warner is a national organization, so I added the name because I thought some might recognize it.

By Mrse on Sunday, August 29, 2004 - 12:50 pm:

I would let him quit, it just aint his cup of tea. The parents should try to get him interested in something else instead, so he has something to do. Even when you are an adult you may go into something, that you wish you had not, and quit. At least he tryed football, alot of kids wouldn't have, no sense in having someone on the team who is miserable and not wanting to be their, kids should not be forced to stay in things they do not like. It is not doing the team any good having him their is he is not into it.

By Melanie on Thursday, September 2, 2004 - 03:47 pm:

I'd like to thank you all again for your opinions and give you an update. I think he is going to stick with it! Last Sunday they played their jamboree game. He's been all smiles about football ever since. Monday was the first day of school and he insisted on wearing his football shirt so that everyone would know he plays. LOL. So it looks like he just had to get into a game situation before he could really enjoy it. Thanks again everyone.

By Eve on Thursday, September 2, 2004 - 04:49 pm:

That's great news!

By Happynerdmom on Thursday, September 2, 2004 - 06:19 pm:

That's awesome! Hopefully he'll continue to enjoy it!

By Feona on Friday, September 3, 2004 - 06:52 am:

Wow. That is great.

By Karen~moderator on Friday, September 3, 2004 - 10:59 am:

That IS great news. Sometimes that's all it takes. It could easily have gone the other way. Kudos to him!

By Audreyj on Friday, September 3, 2004 - 11:31 am:

HUT ONE! HUT TWO! HUT THREE! THROW THAT BALL!

TD! TOUCHDOWN! TD! TOUCHDOWN!

S-U-C-C-E-S-S THAT'S THE WAY YOU SPELL SUCCESS!

(Sorry, aged cheerleader here!) Go get 'em tiger!

Good for him. AJ

By Kernkate on Friday, September 3, 2004 - 11:35 am:

Thats excellent news Best of luck with his football season.
I have been thru this with sports with both my DS's.