Ok, I completely lost it with DD,age 3. We have been potty training for what seems like a decade now, and she has made no progress. One day was super and she asked us everytime she had to go and even pooped on the potty. I thought we were on our way! Well, ever since then, it's been bad day after bad day.

I try putting her in "big girl" undies all day until bedtime, but it's just me picking up puddles of pee ALL day long. I just can't take it. She just stands there and goes! Today, she just stood there and went and I lost it. Then, my anger in turn made her really act out and have a meltdown of her own. Aggh! It was not one of my shining Mommy moments.

We are all calm now and Daddy is coming home for lunch and spending a couple of hours with us. I am giving up on potty training and praying that when she starts school and sees other kids go, that she will follow suit. I guess she is just not ready. It's tough being the last kid to potty train though. Ok, tough on me. LOL!

Ok, I had to vent. Is there such a thing as a potty training boot camp? ;)

By Rayanne on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 11:58 am:

Do you reward her with something when she goes in the potty? This helped my friend with her DD. She gave her a small packet of M&M's when she went poopy. She has a sticker chart also, and she gets to put a sticker on every time she goes peepee and at the end of the week, if she has all stickers, she gets to get one thing from the dollar store. If you want you can make your own treasure chest.

By Debbie on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:08 pm:

Eve, I would just back off for a little while. My ds, who will be 4 next week, still is not fully potty trained. URGGGGGG!!! He will pee in the potty all day long, but not poop. I put him in pull-ups a few weeks back after getting sick of cleaning out underwear. I have been saying NOTHING about the potty. Last night he asked me when he turns 4, I told him next Tuesday. He said good because he has decided that when he turns 4 he will be big enough to poop on the potty. I told him that was great and said nothing else. I am praying and keeping my fingers crossed that he will and that will be the end of it. Syd is obviously physically ready since she has demonstrated that she can do it. She just hasn't made up her mind to do it. I bet if you back off a little she will decide on her own she is ready. Didn't you say she doesn't have to be potty trained for school??? I bet once she sees everyone else, she will start too.

And don't be sooo hard on yourself. We all have our moments. You have been dealing with a lot lately. Hang in there.

By Nicosmom on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:15 pm:

I was considering the sticker chart myself. I'm not sure quite how to make one though. Anyway, Eve I feel your pain! Potty training was going pretty good, he also went poopey on the potty.
Until after a 2 week hiatus he went back to preschool/daycare. He is in the 3/4 year old room now and they don't change diapers in that room anymore. To make a long story short, I feel like Nico is holding his pee and #2 until he gets home. Friday he kept saying his pee pee hurt and he would pee a river in his undies. This was scary for me. Here I thought being at school would help. I'm not sure what to do now, this weekend he was back in pull-ups b/c he had diahrea. Today, it's undies yet again. I know what you're going through. I feel like the worst mom having an almost 3 and a half year old in pull ups. Good Luck...I need some too!

By Texannie on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:38 pm:

OMG..you lost it with your child? GOSH, no mom ever does that!! ROFL ;) don't be too hard on yourself. I would back off too. It sounds like it is becoming a control issue.

By Texannie on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:39 pm:

ps..she also might be still reacting to the miscarriage and wanting to be "your baby" that you lost.

By Dana on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 12:41 pm:

HUGE HUGS!

You know she knows how. She knows she knows how. Best to let it go and let her decide when to let go of the pull-ups or whatever you are using. Give yourself the much needed break and just go w/ the flow (no pun intended )

Let her know how proud you were the day she told you each time she needed to go but it is her decission on when to use big girl panties. It will happen, and clearly, you are not in control of WHEN it will happen. HAVE A GENTLE DAY!

By Trina~moderator on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 01:46 pm:

Oh {{{Eve}}}, I have so BTDT with Ty. He didn't train until he was 4, and not until we totally backed off. We did so out of sheer frustration. Once the pressure was off he began taking care of business on his own. Hang in there!

By Pamt on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 01:58 pm:

I so remember this phase and umm, yes, screaming at my baby a time or two in sheer frustration . She'll survive without emotional trauma and so will you . What worked with my oldest after trying pull-ups and underwear, both of which he kept repeatedly peeing in. I said (without any hint of frustration or sarcasm--I think I had to practice first--LOL), "Okay, you decide if you want to wear big-boy pants or diapers." He picked diapers. I didn't sigh, roll my eyes, or anything that I REALLY wanted to do and I tried to act like a big girl myself and put him back in diapers. Within the week he was literally pee and poop trained. Once I gave him total control of the situation he obliged and began asking to use the potty. (((EVE))) Hang in there! One day this really will be a distant memory.

By Emily7 on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 02:16 pm:

Pampers has a new training diaper that lets them feel that they are wet without making a mess on the carpet, ect.
I agree with everyone. You aren't a bad Mom, you have just had a lot to deal with lately.

By Bellajoe on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 02:33 pm:

LOL, as i am reading this my ds (3) is running around and jumping up and down going "uuhhh uhhh i have to go potty"....well then go!!!! put down your stuffed animal and go! argh! Now his underwear are probably wet because he waits till he is dribbling to actually go to the bathroom! See Eve, it's not just you, dear!

With my dd i made a potty chart. I just got a piece of paper and wrote "Isabella's Potty Chart" on the top. Put the days of the week across the top. Then everytime she went potty, she got a sticker on that day. Some days she would have no stickers, other days she would have 5 stickers. We also made up a little song, since she loves to sing and dance. It just went "pee pee on the Po-tty! Pee pee on the po-tty! She loved all the excitement and whooping and hollering we did when she went!

My son required a bit more bribing. He couldn't care less about the stickers, but he does like M&M's. He got 2 or 3 M&M's when he went on teh potty. I told him once he was potty trained and went on the potty for a few weeks, he would get a new toy from Toys R Us. Once I was really fed up, and sick of changing diapers i just put him in his underwear and let him run around in just those. Yes, there was a lot of cleaning up the floor, and it was gross, but he didn't like being wet or dirty. So he started ggoing on the potty. We read lots of potty books, and watched Bear in the big blue house's potty video.
(((EVE))) hang in there!

By Palmbchprincess on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 03:14 pm:

Big hugs Eve!!! We all have those moments!! I was totally at the end of my rope with the kids, especially DS, the other day. I ended up losing my cool and called him a mean name. I felt SO bad!! Our potty training is on hold, because of the disruption of the current visitation schedule, but always remember... no one every graduated high school in diapers!!

By Debbie on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 06:40 pm:

Well Eve, I just got back from ds's 4 yr. check-up. This is what his ped. told me to do with ds. She said that once they are past the age of 3 and you have been trying to potty train them for awhile with no success, that it is just a power struggle. She told me to have one last talk with ds about how everyone goes pee and poop each day and that it is his job to put them in the potty. That I will not talk to him about it anymore because he is big enough to do it. Then she told me to not talk about it at all, don't remind, don't say ANYTHING. She then told me to put him in underwear as much as possible. Since my ds doesn't want to poop in the potty, she said to tell him that he can ask me for a pull-up if he needs too. She liked that I had him go into the bathroom to poop and she wants me to continue this. She told me to show no emotion at all when he has an accident, just help him clean up and not say anything. She said that this method works everytime and she would bet me that he would be trained within a month. I am having the talk with him tonight. I am going to put him in underwear unless we are out for a long period of time. I will let you know how it goes. She feels that once you turn the responsibility over to them and take all pressure off, they will stop the struggle. We shall see.

By Eve on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 07:01 pm:

Thanks everyone. Yeap, we've tried the sticker charts and lollipops and M&M's. We've tried the big girl pants all day until bedtime. We've done the cheerleading from the bathroom whenever she goes. Aggh, thank God I didn't go with a school where potty training was a requirement. It would be one miserable Summer. Pheew!

Debbie, I'd love to ask you some questions about that approach. Would you mind emailing me? (In my profile) No emotion while cleaning up accidents. Whoa. That will be tough, but I'm willing. Thanks for sharing! Keep me posted on how it goes for you.

BTW-SO true! She won't be graduating HS in a diaper. We hope, anyway! LOL! Thanks for the laugh, Crystal.

By Texannie on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 07:04 pm:

Eve, you do Love and Logic, right? You don't show any emotion when you are disciplining her, right? Same thing. "Uh, oh..looks like you wet your pants. Let's get something so you can clean up".

By Laurazee on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 07:09 pm:

I was in the exact same spot just two or three weeks ago with my 3yo ds, and DH & I were both wondering if there was such a thing as potty-training boot camp, too!

It's gotten better, but we were pretty much at the ends of our collective ropes (and - igh - there may have been some yelling involved between all parties during one particularly low moment). DH & I were thinking, "Do we need to go see a doctor? A child psychiatrist? Maybe just a weekend or two where we force the issue? Have we not been tough enough?"

Anyway, while we were still wobbling over what to do, ds somehow started to get better at it, bit by bit. From 10% of the time in the potty to 20% the next week, and 30% the week after that. We're about up to 40%, maybe. I'm seeing a light now. It's a good feeling. You'll see one, too - hang in there!

By Karen~moderator on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 07:42 pm:

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Eve}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Is it possible Syd has picked up on all the emotional turmoil lately? That will certainly affect potty training.

Jules *almost* had Madison completely potty trained last year. I thought it was wonderful she was potty trained so early. Then it seemed like she did a complete reversal. Jules was getting incredibly frustrated. I told her to just put her back in pullups.

After a few months on pullups, Madison started going in the potty again on her own. Then she started holding her poop. She absolutely would NOT poop in the potty. Apparently Jules had been losing her temper with Madison over that.

A few weeks ago when Madison was here she had pooped in her pullups. I could smell it, but she kept denying it. I told her I wasn't fussing, or mad at her, but I knew she had pooped and we just needed to clean her up and get some clean pullups on. She looked at me with this surprised look and said *you mean you're not gonna yell at me??*

Now she's starting to go poop in the potty. It doesn't always work the way you plan for it to. So many things will affect it. Emotions, stress, excitement, sadness, anger......in Madison's case, I think it's been a control thing. So many things have happened in her and Jules' life in the past year, including a major trauma, I think this was something SHE could control, and the more Jules got upset over it, the greater her need to control that.

It will happen.... I agree with the not showing any emotion. It could be as simple as if you don't react to it and stop focusing on making it happen, Syd will stop focusing on making it NOT happen.

Good luck!!!!!!

By Colette on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 09:30 pm:

Skip training for a bit Eve, it will all work out eventually. You've had to much going on lately.

Your post made me smile though, I had a friend come over after the boat ride w/her 2 1/2 yr old that she's trying to train, she peed all over my kitchen floor and as soon as her mother cleaned it up, she shouted look, mom, I peeing, and she went all over my dining room chair. I have btdt, so I thought it was hysterical.

She'll train when she's ready. Good luck!

By Debbie on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 10:20 pm:

Eve, I emailed you

By Dawnk777 on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 11:02 pm:

Gummi bears were our treat of choice. My kids were late potty trainers. Older daughter was almost 4. Other daughter was 3-1/2. She'll do it when she is good and ready.

By Melissa on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 11:22 pm:

I didn't read everyone elses posts but I would look at this with a love and logic eye. Make this her issue. If you really feel she is ready for this then start making peeing on the floor very matter of fact. Bummer you just peed on the floor how will you clean that up? Make it a big unfun but matter of fact no emotion chore for her. Or use the energy drain thing cleaning up pee uses a lot of my energy so i don't have any to ________right now.

On the other hand you have a had a lot going on lately so maybe it is just too much for her right now, maybe stick her in pull ups and say nothing for a few weeks.

By Momoffour on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 11:43 pm:

Eve don't sweat it I am currently going through the same thing with my Dd who is also 3. She every minute of the day will say gotta go pee. So I rush her to the bathroom and then she says no cant go and as soon as she get to the living room she pees everywhere so I started makeing her clean it up. but We both got frustrated about it and now she is in diapers I think she don't realize she has to go but hang in there it will get better.

By Feona on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 06:34 am:

The smart little boy up the block didn't train until 4 years old. He trained himself when he was ready. Ds completely potty trained himself by 3 and a half, but a week before that he wasn't. Suddenly he decided he wanted to wear real underwear and be potty trained. Before that he was content to pee in the pull ups.

We are out and about alot so we used pull ups.

By Conni on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 08:44 am:

Ditto those who say she is probably stressed from all that has been going on in your house lately. It is no ones fault. It s normal for this to happen and for her to regress in her training for a bit.

I have mentioned on here before that my easiset training occurred when I didnt train at all with my 3rd child. When he was 3 I sat a new potty in the bathroom floor. I just casually mentioned he could try it if he wanted to. About 3 or 4 weeks after he turned 3 he decided on his own to try it. Summer came and I let him run around with no pull up and no undies--he went pee alot on the potty this way. Then by the time he was 3-1/2 or older he decided to go #2 on the potty. When he would go #2 in his pull up I would walk him in the bathroom with me and dump the pull up out in the toilet and flush his poo. All the while saying, 'When you get bigger you can poo on the potty like mommy and daddy' 'you poo goes in the potty and then we flush it away' Never any emotion at all. Well, one day he was hollering for me to come here and I found him sitting on the potty trying to go poo.... I did nothing, he did it all on his own! Talk about no stress. lol

He is 4 now and I still go in and wipe him when he is done going poo. HE also still wears a pull up at night. Which doesnt bother me a bit. He wont wear it forever.

Good luck!

By Children03 on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 08:51 am:

I know how stressful it is trying to potty train, but be patient and one day your dd will make up her mind that she is going to do it in the potty every time. I tried so hard to get my middle dd to go on the potty at 2 and killed myself for an entire year pushing her to go & rewarding her when she did, but she still refused to go in the potty. She decided a day or two after her 3rd birthday that she was a big girl and didn't want to go in her panties anymore and she is completely potty trained now. She went when she was ready.

By Eve on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 09:40 am:

Thanks everyone. I needed to hear "Back off Mom!" LOL! Thanks. Today was a stress free morning. She woke up dry and I asked her which potty she wanted to use, upstairs or downstairs. She said she didn't want to and I said "No problem, when you are ready you just let me know." We put a pull up on, and it was ok. We lived. ;)

Annie-Oh, if it were so easy! I can handle spitting, kicking, fighting, not sharing, whining, dumping water out of the tub, you name it, but peeing on the floor just about kills me. Thanks for the reminder though. I should think of it as the same thing.

Still, today feels better. I'm not going to push it. (As tempting as it is!)

By Texannie on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 12:21 pm:

Hang in there. It does seem so different doesn't, but it really is the same.

By Ginny~moderator on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 07:45 pm:

Oh Eve, all of us have BTDT for one thing or another, and potty training is certainly high on the list. But remember, this is one of the few things in her life she can control (whether, what and how much children eat is another biggy they can control, as to some extent is sleeping - all hot button issues with most parents).

I agree, let her set the tone. She will not go into kindergarten or first grade still wearing pullups - that's almost a guarantee. And the less emphasis you put on it and the more control you give her, the less likely she is to see it as an issue.

But really, we've all BTDT, so you are only allowed to feel guilty for a total of 48 hours and then you must STOP!

By Nicosmom on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 10:12 pm:

Good advice everyone...I'm gonna follow some of it!

By Christylee on Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 10:40 pm:

I agree with what everyone has said... DS turned three in February and I was under real pressure to get him trained before starting daycare/school. I had just accepted that I was going to have to either 1. find another daycare or 2. find someone else to watch him all together when it happened. He's been dry for about six weeks now, hardly any accidents once HE decided he wanted to do it and now he sleeps in undies and goes full days.

It was just a matter of me not making an issue over it and letting him deciding to do it. Does she have any special "pretty big girl panties" that might help, his inspiration was buzz undies. lol...

Also someone asked about a potty chart, here is a link to where you can print one from

http://www.chartjungle.com/pottycharts.html

also pottychart.com has some cute ones but you have to buy them. We always used the printed out ones with stickers of what his favorite thing was at the moment.

Good Luck it WILL happen!

By Katherine on Wednesday, June 30, 2004 - 08:44 pm:

I thought ya'll might enjoy a little humorous potty story. When Scotty was potty training, we had a new puppy that we were trying to house train. The puppy's favorite place to have his little accidents was in Scotty's room. He would hide among all the toys on the floor and leave a little surprise (yuck, huh?) Anyway, when Scotty discovered a little tootsie roll among his toys, he was very disturbed! He exclaimed, That dog pooped in my room!!! This may be coincidence, but from that point on, he never had a poopy accident again. I still laugh when I think of it.

By Vicki on Thursday, July 1, 2004 - 06:02 pm:

I too got to the point with dd that I was so frustated because I knew that she knew what to do but just wasn't doing it!! It was getting close to Christmas and one evening we were talking about what she wanted Santa to bring her. She was saying a few things and I then asked her if she wanted Santa to bring her big girl toys or baby toys. Of course she said big girl things! I said, well, if you want Santa to bring you big girl things, you need to make sure your doing all the big girl things so that when he watches you in his majic snowball, he will know that your a big girl now and not a baby anymore!! She then asked what big girl things were. I said oh, getting dressed by yourself, brushing your teeth, helping to make your bed...she was grinning from ear to ear and said, I do all those things! I said you know, going on the potty instead of in your pull up is a big girl thing too, how are you doing on that?? She stopped smiling and I could tell she was worried. I just said, well, you might want to try to get to the potty and get rid of those pull ups!! She NEVER went in her pull up againa nd with in a couple of days didn't even put a pull up on anymore!! Of course, Santa even brought her some new big girl panties!!!! I didn't tell her any of this is a mean manner. I was just very matter of fact about it and it worked. Like I said though, I knew she COULD do it but was just choosing not to!! Good luck with this, I know how frustrating it can be!!!