My older son (16) has had a girlfriend now for about 4 months. I'm sure he is "in love". They saw each other every day in school and on weekends; now that it is summer, they still want to see each other every day. I think he should take a break from her at least once a week - he gets mad at me when I tell him no going out. Am I being too strict?

By Emily7 on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 07:11 pm:

I don't think so, but then I am not a teenager in-love anymore. My parents did the samething you are & I survived, but I didn't think I was going to.

By Ladypeacek on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 01:18 am:

I don't think its too strict to want them to take a break but instead of doing it a way that makes him want to rebel i would find creative ways of doing it without him knowing what and why. Make him stay home to help you not to stay away from her...spend a quality day with him out and about...this may still upset him but not for the same reason. And when he is out with her, NO ALONE TIME< LOL!!! If you force him to be away from her he may start doing worse things to see her and you don't want that. These ways you may be lucky to just get some pouting from him!

By Children03 on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 05:11 pm:

I think at 16 they probably do need a little break from each other. I spent almost all of the weekends doing things with my boyfriend at 16 years old, but not every day. I had to space out my time too because my parents didn't let me do much during the week, even in the summer.

By Trina~moderator on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 04:21 pm:

Does he have a job? When I was 16 I worked PT during school and close to FT summers. This kept me busy and not able to spend a lot of time with a boyfriend. I loved having a job because I had my own spending money, but your post has made me realize perhaps my parents had an ulterior motive! LOL!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 11:15 pm:

When I was growing up.... If I had a boyfriend I was aloud to schedule to meet with him on Fridays and Saturdays unless my parents had plans. Sunday was family day. We did big chores that day (painting, yard work, things that would take most of the day to do) and going out was not an option. My parents made that clear early on. If it was something special they might sway but other wise I wasn't to make plans for Sundays. Monday thru Thursday during school I was not to make plans unless it was something special. And I had a phone limit too. During the summer I worked and had a curfew that kept my schedule pretty full. So my contact would revolve around the hours I was scheduled to work and my curfew. I don't think you are being to strict but I also think this is a typical relationship for a 16 year old. They want to be together and if you don't go about this right you may open yourself up to a bag full of issues. Another thing my parents did. They found ways to involve the boyfriends with my family and incouraged us to do things with the boyfriends family, instead of alone. Basically if we were going to be together at least we were with a group to where we would be "watched". LOL and now looking back they had motives in this too. If they allowed the contact and incouraged it in a controled manner I wasn't as likely to buck when they told me no. My parents were really good about setting ground rules before I got into a situation though and they would clearly lay out the rules and the punishments that would follow if I stepped out of line with those rules. And I would go through sleepless nights with a new born any day over fighting with a teenager that thinks you have no clue what they are going through or what they are feeling. Breaks your heart and makes you want to ring their necks all in the same second. Best of luck to you... Hope you can find a way to work this out with out creating to many issues....

By Pamt on Monday, June 28, 2004 - 09:33 am:

This is a tough one. On one hand I'm inclined to think it's a summer romance and it's okay for them to see each other every day. Then, on the other hand what are they doing , are they always alone, do they work, etc.? Bottom line is that you are the mom and if it bothers you, then you should set some limits. You will have to be careful about how you do it though to avoid total rebellion. My big summer romance when I was 16 I saw the guy just about every day. He worked as a lifeguard almost full-time so some days when he worked late I didn't see him, but we would have these marathon phone conversations. However, we were both hospital volunteers so we saw a lot of each other at the hospital, ate lunch together there, etc. We'd have maybe one "real" date a week and the rest of the time we were at each other's houses--watching movies at mine or playing Trivial Pursuit at his (with his parents--LOL). I think if you can work it out where he is hanging out around the house with her, then that's a good compromise for everyone. tehy were in the habit of seeing each other everyday at school, I suppose, so as long as it's a "safe venue" it would probably be okay. Hang in there! You know what they say about raising teenagers--it's like trying to nail jello to a tree.