Have you ever had other moms act like their children are so perfect and that yours are little monkeys? I would say that my children are very active. I thought that was part of being a child. I love the other moms in our moms group at church, but there are a couple of the moms that irritate the living fire out of me. My middle daughter was very whiny from the time she was born until she was about 3. In our moms group we all do agree with spanking our children when they completely rebel against our authority. Well one of the moms told me that it was my fault that my daughter is so whiny because I should have stayed on top of it when she was a lot younger. I was mad at the comment because I felt like I had been on top of it and I felt like all I did was spank, spank, spank. I was also mad about the comment because I am never really around that particular mother except maybe once a week at church so how does she know how I discipline. A few weeks later another mom (which I am pretty close too) made the comment in the nursery that "Wow you have high-spirited children" and I wanted to say "Yes, I do and there is nothing wrong with that and you can keep your comments to yourself" I didn't say anything. I just came home feeling like my children are so wild and I am a horrible mom maybe it is something that I did. My husband was quite irritated about the comments too. Well the mom that made that comment to me about my children being high-spirited, has 3 children now and someone made a comment to her about her having "hyper children" and of course she replied " No, not hyper, just active." This particular mom also wanted to argue with my husband and I that same day about how her son and daughter do not fight and they probably never would because they are a boy and girl- oh come on give it up! Now,in Bible Study she complains about how her son purposely irritates her daughter just to get a rise out of her. The mom that made the comment about how it was my fault that I have a whiny daughter, well she has had two children since then and she has the biggest, whiniest 2 year old daughter that pitches awful fits and I just laugh inside when she does. ( I am bad) Well duh, lets now judge other peoples children or parenting skills because one day you might be in that situation too.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 07:54 am:

I think we've all encountered at least one person like that. It's really easy for people to judge other people's kids and/or parenting skills. The ones who really irk me are the ones who don't have kids, or have never had any experience raising kids. They are usually the ones who *know it all*, and they just can't wait to tell you what you're doing wrong.

By Amecmom on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 08:23 am:

In this world there will be people you will never understand, never be able to get along with and never like. Realize that all you have to do is smile and say hello and goodbye to this woman. She is not your fiend, just someone who happens to be in the same room with you.
When she addresses a comment to you that you deem rude, either respond with a "kind" set down of your own, or just pretend you have not heard it and walk away.
It's helpful to develop "selective hearing" when you are dealing with people who don't think before they speak.
Ame

By Jackie on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 09:00 am:

You know what, all kids are different.. Even 2 kids in the same household raised by the same parents, same rules, will be different..
People have given me dirty looks about my daughter. She will be 5 in July. She has ALWAYS been active... Shes not one to sit still, expecially in public. Sure athome, its different, she could sit for hrs looking at books, coloring, watching a movie etc.. But when shes out in public, she is like a wild monkey LOL.. Yes we have taken her to the car, taken her outside for timeouts, sometimes her behavoir is better sometimes not...I see people giving us dirty looks at times.. And, it makes me furious...Of course Im always thinking, they think we dont discipline her. BUT, thats just her, shes as sociable and friendly as can be. BUT shes just a mover and a shaker
When my daughter is jumping off the top of the sofa(and believe me, she has been warned and punished for doing this a million times) I will have some friends say "Oh my child knows better".. and then I really have to bite my tongue.

By Children03 on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 09:17 am:

I agree with all of the above comments. I made a statement about my children fighting with each other all of the time and she replied "I just don't allow it" oh and like I allow it. I said "I don't ALLOW my children to fight either, but they are going to fight sometimes, but I don't ALLOW them to dit." Some people just think they know it all when it comes to all children.

By Amecmom on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 09:37 am:

LOL! I meant "she is not your friend" - not fiend - but I guess that works, too ...
Ame

By Emily7 on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 09:40 am:

I have had comments about my ds all the time by my in-laws. It is irritating, but I remember how my little niece was & lets just say her Mom has a selective memory! I just say oh well you know boys, I'm sure your son (he is 8 months) will be a little more challenging than your daughter was. I also say isn't it nice to see Joe active cosidering the start he had. Granted I hate taking him to restaurants, but I have a good kid, that keeps me on my toes!

By Mommierenee on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 10:02 am:

Sometimes mothers feel insecure about their own parenting skills & so they see a child that's acting more rambuncious (sp?) at that moment & they feel like they need to open their mouth about it. If their children were more well behaved than that all the time by nature, they would not say anything at all. Besides, how can you judge someone else's children or parenting capabilities!?!?!? Like you said, you never know how your child is going to be!
Children are people too & we can only control them to a certain point! You can't control the actions of another human all the time! We all know about how sometimes children are better behaved when "daddy's home". In some homes it's the othe way around, but either way, if I see a mom (or dad) out by themselves with their children & they're acting up I sometimes think "I wonder how they'd be acting if (the other parent) were there!!
All we can do is teach our children right from wrong & hope for the best! I'm sure if your daughter was too out of hand @ the bible study you would have taken action.
It's just hard when you're with other mom's - They are the ones who are supposed to understand!!!

By Amy~moderator on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 05:41 pm:

I can personally attest that two children raised by the same parents can be TOTALLY different regarding their personalities and behavior. My 5 year old has ALWAYS been kind, gentle, good-natured, and obeyed with no problems. My 2 year old is a completely different story. He is very "high-spirited" (LOL) - always into something, always testing his limits, etc. Sure, the way you raise your children has a lot to do with their behavior. However, there are many other factors and so each child may behave differently. Don't let these type of people ruin your day. Just overlook it and know that you are doing your best.

By 2princesses on Tuesday, June 15, 2004 - 01:16 am:

I can't believe those ladies who were talking about your children. They sound like a bunch of hipocrits and gossipers. If they are so involved in church or bible study, they shouldn't be talking to you like that in the first place and just worry about themselves and bible study. No kid is perfect and all siblings fight no matter how close to perfect they are. They are probably just jealous!

By Daniel on Wednesday, June 23, 2004 - 01:11 am:

Well said anonymous, I have a neighbor who constantly brags about her children being perfect and everyone elses are animals, my son is autistic and she always makes a comment to me how I really do need to get him under control (if I knew how to do that I would be a millionaire). Come to find out no one in the neighborhood will watch her children more than one time. Sometimes life has a way of getting back at you for being so nasty to people. I hope these people learn to keep their mouths shut because then the children grow up to be just like the parent. Good luck

By Kristie on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 11:56 am:

I agree with every thing said above. I have a friend whos sister is a 1st grade teacher. She has no children but tries to tell us what to do with our kids. My son was being a little mouthy one day and she was on the phone with me. I told her he's trying to see how far he can push me and she told me she would just tell him "Russell, that tone is not acceptable in our home & I'd appreciate it if you didn't speak to me like that any longer". I told her that 85% of the time that would not work for my son. She said it always works for her classromm children. Well of course! Kids are always better for someone else. I do think its funny that these women you know are now finding out for them selves what its like to have high spirited children!

By Boxzgrl on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 02:29 pm:

I'm glad i'm not in this situation yet just because DD is still young. But I see it coming. She throws horrible tantrums in public (I MEAN horrible!!!). Just last week she was mad that I wouldn't let her walk in the parking lot without me holding her hand and she threw a total fit and slammed her head into the pavement. Ouch! This is a 13 month old were talking about. I've gotten to the point that shes old enough for spanking so shes showing improvement. But I have ALWAYS been one to HATE advice from others without me asking it. My Mom sensed i right off the bat so shes never been a problem but everyone in my family can just see me fuming (smoke coming out of my ears and all, LOL) when someone tries giving me "advice". I have a high school friend who does this and shes never had her own child or even babysat one!

I know exactly where you're coming from and all I have to say is Good Luck because those girls wouldn't have wanted me around when they were making comments like that. Only YOU know your children so don't worry about others!

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, June 24, 2004 - 10:45 pm:

People that pass judgment usually do it to cover up for their own flaws. And I know many many mothers that try to pull that same stuff. Don't worry about what anyone thinks about how you raise your child but you..... If you have no problems with your parenting, then there really is no problem....

By Ginny~moderator on Friday, June 25, 2004 - 10:29 am:

Well, it is my experience in hearing others' critiques of my child-raising skills that what goes around comes around. Sooner or later her ds/dd is going to be caught doing something my kids never did and she is the one being embarassed. As others point out above, bottom line - your kids, your rules, your standards, and that's what counts.

I once read an appropriate, neutral comment to use when someone offers unsought advice and you don't want to start a war - That's very interesting, I will certainly give that some thought.