We have become friends with a couple that lives next door who has a little girl around the same age as my 2 little girls ages 2-1/2 and 4. The little girl and dad came over for a visit today and his little girl and my 2 little girls were jumping on our nice sectional sofa. I allow my girls to jump on the bed but not on the sofa. When they started jumping and climbing on the very top of the couch, my husband and I told our little girls not to jump on the couch because they could get hurt and that we need to take care of our couch too. The father of the little girl did not say anything to his daughter and just kept letting her jump on it as I am sure he allows his daughter to do that at their house. I am now wondering if I am being too picky because I don't allow that and he does and maybe a lot of parents allow it too.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 11:24 am:

Hey, it's your house, your rules. I would have said to the little girl, please don't jump on the sofa, and would have said to her father, please stop your daughter from jumping on the sofa. I am guessing that when you told your daughters you expected the other little girl and her father to take the hint - clearly neither is very good at picking up hints, so if you want to protect your furniture and let your dds know that the rules apply to everyone, not just them, you will have to be more direct. Otherwise, you may have your dds asking you why the other girl can do what they can't do in their house. If he wants to allow his daughter to jump on the sofa in their house, that's not your problem, but you have the right to set the rules for your house.

By Ginny~moderator on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 11:25 am:

BTW, when kids jump on the bed and a parent is not watching (or even if a parent is watching), accidents have been known to happen - like falling and hitting the head on a piece of furniture, the headboard, or falling off onto the floor. Are you sure you want to allow this?

By Emily7 on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 11:37 am:

I agree rules are rules.
My in-laws started the jumping on the bed at their house. My SIL & I asked them not to allow this, but they do it any way. Now he does it at our house. Its hard because I get after him, but his dad allows it.

By Ladypeacek on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 12:24 pm:

I always had the same arguement with my mom, she didn't care if they did it at her house and since my furniture has been through the ringer with kids she didn't understand why i didn't allow it, my thought was that if i allow them here then they will not understand why its wrong at others houses. With small children they don't understand that rules are different elsewhere so its just easier to teach them these things at home. I would keep them off the couch and others as well! Its just simple manners whether the parents allow it or not.

By Amecmom on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 12:38 pm:

Regardless of his views, this was your house. He was rude to allow his daughter to continue after you asked that they stop. If this happens again, you can nicely ask them to stop as well, I don't think the dad will care.

Ame

By Mommierenee on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 12:52 pm:

You were totally right, I think. I don't allow my children or other people's children to jump on ANYTHING in my house! If someone else's children were doing it after I told my children no to, I would have said "I asked my children not to & that goes for you too".
Perhaps he's a more permissive parent, or he lets the mom do the disciplining in their house & was just waiting for you to tell them not to do that!

By Texannie on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 01:57 pm:

Yep..your house your rules!

By Children03 on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 04:27 pm:

No you are not being too strict. You set the rules of your house and your children should respect that and so should your neighbor & his daughter. After you told your girls not to jump on the sofa, he should have instructed his daughter to do the same. I don't allow any jumping on beds or sofas either because it is dangerous. I think they should have used their manners.

By Melissa on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 05:04 pm:

Everyone has different rules, I don't let Lexi jump or even eat on our couch. I told her unless she had at least 1,200 to buy a new one she needed to respect that. She does and is quick to remind any friend she has over of this rule.
She went to a friend's house where it is just fine, to her he is the luckiest boy ever! We have trampoline she can jump on that.

By Coopaveryben on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 06:12 pm:

I don't allow my children to jump or stand on the furniture, not because our furniture is great, simply because it is rude, dirty, and I don't want them doing it at other people's homes. No it is not being picky, I would have asked them to stop "so they didn't get hurt".

By Debbie on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 06:14 pm:

I don't think you are being too strict. I do not allow my dks to jump all over my furniture. There was a little girl that lived across the street from us that used to come over to play a lot. She started jumping on my furnture one day. I told her that one of our house rules was that we don't jump on the furniture and when she was at our house I expected her to follow the house rules. I never had a problem with her again.

Obviously, the little girl and her Dad didn't take the hint. Next time they are at your house and she starts this, I would tell her nicely to stop if the Dad doesn't.

By Momaroze on Saturday, June 12, 2004 - 10:11 pm:

I do the same as Debbie. Works like a charm all the time. Most people respect others household rules. My friends son was jumping on the couch and fell face forward onto the coffee table. Very bloody nose, not good at all. It's not safe. Always think in terms of safety and you can never be wrong, too strict or picky!

By Insaneusmcwife on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 12:02 am:

I agree your house your rules. My kids have a trampoline. They are allowed to jump on the trampoline and nothing else. IMO, beds are for sleeping and couches are for sitting. feet belong on the floor. Those are the rules I have set for my childeren and any child that comes in my house will respect my rules or they will no longer be welcome in my house.

By 2princesses on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 01:36 am:

Thank you so much for all your great responses. I appreciate it. I will continue with my rules and not allow the jumping on the bed either. I felt the father should have taken the hint. I know if we would have been at his house or anybody else's house and they asked their kids not to do something at their house, I would have not allowed my kids either. It is very disrespectful. Next time they come over, I will let them know if she does it again.

Thanks again.

By Texannie on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 01:46 am:

Don't ever hesitate about saying "sweetie, that is not allowed in our house" when a child is doing something they shouldn't and the parent doesn't speak up. BUT, if it's just the child there, correct him/her, but unless he/she refuses to listen, or it's something so grievous, I wouldn't bother telling the parent.

By Feonad on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 06:53 am:

No jumping on the bed is going to be hard. Kids jump on beds -(especially two year olds.)

I would also add that if she doesn't follow the rules of the house she has to go for the day, untill she can follow me rules.

By Mommierenee on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 05:37 pm:

It's not hard to not let them jump on the bed when they're two. You just don't let them do it. My kids have only jumped on the bed once or twice. They know it's not allowed. we live in an apartment though, and they know if they run through the house or jump on anything, they will be bothering the neighbbors. If they're used to jumping on it though, it may be hard to break the habit!

By Annie2 on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 06:09 pm:

When my dd was three, we were shut in the house for a typhoon. She is my third baby. Everyone else was taking a nap. I let her jump on the bed while I held her hands. Great fun for cabin fever.
Well....the next day she wanted to show Daddy how Mommy taught her to jump. (still not living this down!)She jumped once on the couch, fell and split her chin on the coffee table; requiring four stitches.
No jumping allowed at our house. My house; my rules. My kids /friends are older now but I had no problem telling other kids what they couldn't do at our house. I still do this now, just the couch jumping thing is past.
Be nice, fair and firm. I have no problem with friends telling my kids the rules of their house. Every family is different.

By Mommierenee on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 07:28 pm:

Oh No!! (busting her chin!!!)

By Mommmie on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 10:40 pm:

Your DH needs to get comfortable with correcting children who are not his when they are in his house. There's nothing wrong with HIM telling all 3 kids to stop jumping on the furniture. Actually, it's way more effective if some other adult tells a child, No, than their own parents. It will have a greater impact.

Think about what message this little girl got. I can do what I want at other people's houses without the owners getting mad. The owners are *afraid* of telling me No! P-A-R-T-Y!

I learned this the hard way a long time ago from a neighbor. Her child (age 5) was saying cuss words at my house. So, I talked to the mom about it after the fact. Seemed like the right thing to do. She said to me, YOU need to tell my daughter to STOP CUSSING if she is with you and you hear her. And if she won't, send her home. YOU need to speak up! YOU are the adult. My daughter is in YOUR house. She is my THIRD child and I'm telling you this is the best way to deal with kids who are not yours doing things you don't want them to do. It does no good to come tell me hours later and to do nothing at the time of the offense.

Must say I really like these type of parents better than the ones who say nothing and complain later to anyone who will listen about how "bad" some other kid is bec he did whatever in their house, but the homeowncer never told him to stop.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, June 13, 2004 - 11:59 pm:

Never had trouble with other kids jumping on my furniture, but when we first moved to this community, we rented a lower flat. It had French doors to close off the living room from the rest of the house. They slammed EASILY! My kids and all of their friends were taught not to slam those doors. They usually didn't. Sometimes it happened by accident, but most of time no one slammed them after they had been told.

By Karen~moderator on Monday, June 14, 2004 - 07:51 am:

I agree with everyone above - your house, your rules. When my kids were younger, there were 1 or 2 children in particular who just would NOT follow my rules. After a couple of playdates and a lot of stress, they were not allowed back at my house.