Reporter's query: the economics of staying at home
Moms View Message Board: Parenting Discussion: Archive January-June 2004:
Reporter's query: the economics of staying at home
Hi, Moms. I'm a DC mom and a freelance journalist working on a story for a national parenting magazine on the economics of quitting paid work to be a stay-at-home parent. I'd love to hear some thoughts from those who've made that leap: How did you assess whether you could go without the income? Were there unexpected savings or expenses that you didn't foresee? What big and small things did you cut back on to make the finances work? Aside from the numbers, what have been the intangible plusses and minuses?
All comments are welcome--please reply off-line at krisdavis@starpower.net. If I may quote from your e-mail or call you for an interview, please say so and include your full name and phone number. And if anyone is interested, I'd be glad to post a digest of (unidentified) responses.
Thanks so much,
Kris
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Kris Davis
freelance journalist
krisdavis@starpower.net
202-537-9315
How did you assess whether you could go without the income?
We decided when I was pregnant with my second child and experiencing difficulties in my pregnancy that it was time to make the leap. I was told to take a leave for bedrest and my husband really pushed for me to just quit. I had a hard time making the decision but finally relented thinking if it didn't work after the baby was born I would go back. Financially we took into consideration that I had over an hour commute and the cost of gas, work clothing, childcare and convenience foods were not worth what I *really* was bringing home (after paying for those things)
Were there unexpected savings or expenses that you didn't foresee?
Our lifestyle did not change the way I expected it to. We were able to stay on the same budget we had while I was working with just a few minor changes. I regretted I hadn't done it sooner. I really thought it would hurt us more financially and it didn't.
What big and small things did you cut back on to make the finances work?
We relied on fast food more when I was working. When I quit we went to take out once a week. Not only were we eating better but I discovered I actually liked cooking (now that I had the time to do it). I made my husbands lunches (we both used to buy lunch every day) to save even more money.
Gas was a huge savings as I no longer had a commute.
I no longer needed a work wardrobe so saved not buying so much clothing.
Aside from the numbers, what have been the intangible plusses and minuses?
Pluses:
Biggest plus--I am raising my children not some one else. No matter how great a babysitter is they are not me and cannot give my children what I can.
I have been there for every smile, every accomplishment, every "first" that I missed with my first child (I worked until my first was 1 1/2 years old). I am able to be there for my children without the stress of trying to work it into my schedule. This has hit home for me when my child was having an asthma attack at school and I was there in 5 minutes after the call. If I worked I would have had to arrange to leave, etc.
We recently made the decision to homeschool and being home gives me the freedom to do that.
My relationship with my husband greatly improved. We had different schedules when I worked so there were days where we only saw each other coming and going. Now he comes home from work and we share a family dinner and enjoy a nice evening together. If he has a day off I am already off so we can plan family outings without the hassle of coordinating schedules.
Minuses:
The ONLY minus I can think of was the first year it took a while for me to get used to not having adult conversation every day. I missed "doing lunch" every day with my friends. I managed to visit with my friends once a week so that helped ease the transition.
Did you check with the board admin before posting this message? If not please do so.
Claire, she checked with Feona, who ran it by the moderators. I do not know if Feona had communication with her about her request to post her question and came to a decision. And I don't know if there was any official decision, other than an approval of her application. You are all free, of course, to respond as you wish. Speaking personally, I suggest that you might want to defer answering Ms. Davis's questions until we know if a decision was reached.
I guess I should not have answered
oops 
Sorry!
Yvonne
Feona has approved Kris Davis posting this question on Momsview. Feel free to respond to her on the board or to her email.
She is trying to get an article together for Parents magazine. Maybe we can get some free advertising...
I'm really curious (translate - nosy) - and would love it if anyone who responds to Kris Davis felt comfortable about posting either part of their response on the board or at least a note that they are responding to her.
And yes, Kris, I'd love to see a digest (with any identification removed) of the responses you get from Momsview.
Ditto! Particularly since I wasn't able to make that situation workable for me when all of mine were young!
well since you guys said it was ko i dont mind to respond. i tried to email it & said that it was user unkown .....
How did you assess whether you could go without the income?
When I had my 2nd, my son I was on bed rest the last 3 -4 months. I saw soo much of what my daughter was doing & we lpanned to have antoher someday. There was no way that I could work, so I was at home with him. After being off for so long after I had him (4 months) due to not wanting someone else to raise him, it was very hard to go back to work. I saw his first smile, first time that he rolled over. That right there told me, DONT go back to work!
We decided financally that it would be ok, for one the cost of daycare was about how much I made anyways. So no use in working for nothing and missing everything that my child was going to do!
Were there unexpected savings or expenses that you didn't foresee?
At first it was a little hard. We had a daughter 5 & I worked cause she was in preschool then kindergarden , so for an hour everyday in daycare was not expensive. The first few months, we were shaky money wise - we had money -just not use to the extra cost of formula again and diapers. After a couple of months though we were back on budget and spending like we did before.
What big and small things did you cut back on to make the finances work?
Big things -- we were never really into big things. We stopped going out to eat as much, but that was also cause I did not want to take a baby out in the winter time. ( my 1st son was born in October)
Aside from the numbers, what have been the intangible plusses and minuses?
Pluses -- I did not miss anything ! Not a thing ! No one else was raising my child. Me & my son are soooo close ! He has to have me around for everything, which I love. I am always telling people what he does instead of them telling me. My daughter & I became really close - I help out in the school - no rushing around after work to get groceries or anything. I have all day to do what I need. I can take a nap with them 
Minuses --- At first I missed adults being around people to chat with. But then I found some play groups going to the park meeting other moms and that was ok. To tell you the truth I would rather be at home with my 2.5 y/o & 4 month old !
You know I thought that I would never be a SAHM, but I would not change it for anything in the world. I wish that everyone was as lucky as me, being able to always be there for all the hugs, kisses, smiles, boo boos. It is just the greatest feeling in the world
Thank you for the opportunity!
Here's what my cousin did. She was working when she had just one child and she hated it. Hated not being home with her son. But with one child (and I have just one, too) it's hard to make the argument that the "cost" of working is more that what's being made in income. For my cousin (and me) the cost of working was just a small percentage of what was made - money wise.
So, my cousin quickly had two more children and it became too expensive for her to work! After #3 she never worked again outside the home. She now has 7 children and, you know, it's just worked out. Had she thought about it too much, she would have 1 or 2 kids and that's it.
Very unorthodox, but that's what she did.
We decided we could go without the income because our first child was premature and needed full-time care. After a few months, it became obvious that we could get by on one income. It is my opinion that many people think they can't do it but then, once you try it, it is not as scary as you thought it would be. We had to do it. Someone had to stay home with our premature baby. Then, later, when it worked out, we just kept doing it.
Our unexpected savings were clothes, while I dress neatly, I do not need a suit at home, food, when we both worked, we often ate out because of time and because we were both too tired to cook, gas and transportation, the kids are content to go to the library, the church, local stuff and so we are not spending so much on the cars from the commute back and forth to work. AND MEDICAL BILLS!! BIG SURPRISE!! Since the children are home with mom instead of in daycare, they do not pick up as many colds, flus, viruses (sp?) all the day-to-day contact stuff. Not as many $15 co-pays for ped. visits and $15 copays for prescriptions.
Unexpected expenses: The only thing I can think of (and it was mostly ME) when we first started the one income family, the children often came with me to The Dollar Store or the grocery store or The Mall or Barnes and Noble. Anyway, since the kids were with me, if they wanted "some little something" I bought it for them. I just really didn't think about it...and then, I realized I was spending more money on "running errands" day simply because the kids were with me. Now, we have a rule: ONE TREAT if they have good behavior and not 1,000 TREATS because Mommy is shopping and not paying attention!!!!:-)
"Cutbacks" - Our cars, both of them are clean and run fine but they are older models and they are paid for. (No car payment bill) but sometimes it does bug me to pull up in my old 1989 station wagon beside the other Mom's beautiful, new, shiny SUVs with DVD players in them. Oh well, I'll get over it. And sometimes I wish my clothes were newer or my hair was more "today". (I wear it long usually in a ponytail to save on trips to the hairstylist). But really, when I look at the "big picture" my concerns just fade away. Compared to staying home and taking care of my darling children, who cares if my car is old or my "look" is not the latest fashion?!
Pluses and minuses??
Gee, well...
Both working:
Mornings are INSANE!! We all have to be at a certain place by a certain time and we are all (usually) running late. People are crunching down dry fruit loops and choking on toothpaste. Nobody's hair ever looks right and we rush out the door leaving the TV on and every light in the house is on.
One working:
Mornings are still hectic but calmer, I can get up wash my face dress and pull my hair back, then make breakfast and we can sit down for 10 minutes like civilized people and eat. Then, my husband goes to work and I can shower and dress for the day in peace while my kids watch a little TV. Then my kids can pick out their clothes and dress themselves and usually by about 8AM we are "good to go". I homeschool so we start "cirriculum time".
afternoons both working:
Both adults are tired, kids are in daycare so they are tired, nobody has eaten so we are all grumpy, we wind up grabbing something fast because nobody wants to cook and everyone just finished their day so everyone wants to talk and nobody wants to listen.
afternoons one working:
"DADDY'S HOME" rings through the house in a joyous scream, my two young daughters jump their father before he is in the door. This is a daily ritual. "Daddy" is then tackled to the floor and willingly listens to the girls describe their day because after a hard day's work, he enjoys just "relaxing" and listening to the kids. Plus, "Daddy" knows that while he is listening to the kids "Mommy" has time to finish up cooking supper and setting the table, then we all sit down to EAT TOGETHER! And since nobody is starving, we are all willing to listen about each other's day. It is not always this ideal, of course, there are "bad days" but there are NOT as many bad days.
The drawbacks are for Mom: so much time with kids that I really look forward to my "grown up" time!
Some days I really get tired of playdough and "Sesame Street" and while my kids were "potty training" they wanted to PROUDLY show me their 'POOPY IN THE POTTY" and I had to smile and brag instead of throwing up!!
The drawbacks for Dad: Dad misses the extra money, sometimes. Most men are ambitious for their families and he wants to be a good provider. And he is a great provider and we are all very content and blessed. But sometimes it is hard on him when he sees how two income families live, with bigger cars and nicer clothes, etc. And he sometimes wishes we could have those things. And we must budget for every single thing and sometimes he wishes he could just "go to the Mall" and spend money without having to count the cost every single time. But he realizes there are more important things to do with our time than wander around the Mall spending money.
The children: the children have no "drawbacks" they love having one parent at home, whether it is me or on the days I am "off" their Dad. And of course the times when both parents are home. The kids love it. We all love it. We are fortunate to have the opportunity to do it.
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