I got laid off from my job this week. Since I won't be able to find anything with the same flexibility and pay I have to go full time and so ends my time as a SAHM. So today we're looking at daycares. I can't believe how expensive they are and how long the wait lists can be.
I was thinking of trying to find someone to watch dd either in our home or theirs but am really skeptical about it. Does anyone have any experience with this? How did you screen applicants to be sure that they were good? Can you run background checks? I know that there are good child care providers outside of daycare centers but since the news only talks about the horror stories, it is hard to get past that. So I guess what I'm looking for are some good stories and some advice on how to find someone that you know you can trust.

By Kittycat_26 on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 12:31 pm:

Be sure and check references and ask about reliability. There is nothing like getting a call at 6am that says that they aren't going to be able to watch your child that day. It happened to my mom on more than one occassion. That was her biggest concern for me when I started looking at child care.

By Lauram on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 01:13 pm:

I agree that the hardest thing about a home day care is that if the person is sick, you are out of luck. We've done a lot of things- home day care, daycare center, aupair... All have pros and cons. I think you really have to do some soul searching and figure out what is best for you and your family. That has to be done on a continual basis as well. Personally, I am only comfortable with home day care if I have excellent, personal references. Licensing doesn't matter as much to me as word of mouth and personal experience. We had a wonderful home day care provider for my first ds for 2 years. Also, I am not comfortable with infants in daycare centers (too many germs). Also, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. My first son wasn't a squeaky one, so I wasn't comfortable with him in a center until he was almost 2 1/2 and could express his wants and needs. My youngest son is VERY squeaky. He started in day care at 18 mo. Also, I firmly believe you can't bargain shop for daycare. Many times the best ones are the most expensive ones. But the QUALITY is what matters. Our daycare is VERY expensive ($291 a week)- for my son under 2. Luckily, we survived the "two kids in daycare" year with an aupair- which was actually cheaper! It's about luck and your gut..... Good luck!

By Amecmom on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 01:24 pm:

RELIABILITY IS KEY!!! As Amanda said (by the way, that's an incredible picture, Amanda) ask about reliability. I had a mom come in and care for my son part time, just so I could get things done (long story - had a terrible time with PPD). She would call more often than not and say that her son ws sick or she was sick and she couldn't come. Not a really big deal, because I didn't have a job to go to, but it got to a point where I was afraid to make an appointment for something because I though she would cancel.
Happily she found a job just as I was ready to let her go. A month later I called her for an emergency situation - a family funeral. I would be gone all day and needed someone with my son who know him well. No problem. The morning of the funeral she calls at six and says her son is sick and she can't come! I haven't spoken to her since.
If you can find an older woman whose children ar grown, or at least out of Elementary school that would be good.
You also have to think about taxes and SS so that it's all legal.
Some moms run small daycares from their homes. They take on only a few children, so it's a more homey atmosphere. This is usually less expensive than bigger centers and certainly less expensive than having someone come into your home.
Good luck and be sure to check references!
Ame

By Kittycat_26 on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 02:02 pm:

Thank you so much Ame. That is my favorite picture. He was only about 6 or 7 months old and was fussing and crying awful and then just went to sleep. All of his pictures from that time were with him asleep.

It was a rough decision for me to put Timmy in daycare when I went back to work. He was only 7 weeks old but I needed the reliability of someone always being available to keep him. There have been some issues but in the grand scheme of things they have been just little things. He's had the same teachers around him since he first started which is really nice. It makes it easy for me to drop him off since he just loves them to death.

However, the teachers still tease me about leaving Timmy there for the first time. I thought I was so ready to go back to work until it came time to actually leave. I cried and cried until I got out the door. Then I cried on my way over to work. Then I cried through most of work. When I went over to pick him up at the end of the day, they were trying to tell me all about his day and all I could do was rush across the room to get my hands on him.

By Amecmom on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 03:21 pm:

How sweet. The first time I left my little one with my husband and went out for the day I thought I would have a great time. It was just ok. I really missed him.
Ame

By Kellyj on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 03:30 pm:

Thank you so much for all of the advice. I don't know what I'm going to do. This whole situation just has me so down. I have an interview on Tuesday and I'm not the least bit excited. I think that the bottom line is that I don't want to leave her with anybody yet. Too bad things have to cost so much money.

By Cat on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 07:58 pm:

Hi, Kelly. I'm a family child care provider and I have some things in addition to what's already been said (great stuff, btw). First, a contract is a great thing. It should outline what is expected of both the parents and the provider. It also should state your contracted hours and fees. Make sure you get a copy, and READ IT!!! I don't know how many times I have to tell parents, "Um, it's in the contract." because they didn't read it. Well, you signed it! Also, ask if the provider has an open door policy. That is where you can "drop in" anytime while your child is there. I have one and tell my parents if your child is in my home my door is open to you. That doesn't mean it might not be locked (I have a 10mo that would push it open and fall out if I don't lock it!), but they can stop by any time. I would suggest starting by making phone calls. You can weed out some people just by doing that (ie. hours don't match, bad location/too far away, etc). Then I'd suggest meeting with the provider for an interview without your child during off hours. That way you can focus on asking your questions and being able to take notes or whatever. When you find someone that you think would be a good match for you and your family, THEN take your child to their house. Watch how your child acts, how the provider responds to her, how the other kids respond (should try to do this while at least one or two other kids are there), etc. Also, find out if the provider has children, pets, live in relatives, things like that. You will want to know who's going to be around your child. Is the provider licensed? Like Laura said, sometimes a license is just a piece of paper and doesn't mean anything, but if she is licensed at least there are legal obligations that should be being met (how many kids, space, limitations, etc.). I would say however, if you do find someone that come very highly recomended that isn't licensed, don't let that deter you. I've known licensed people I wouldn't leave a pet rat with and unlicensed people that I'd trust with my life (or my children's). Like has already been said, ask for references and CHECK THEM! Find out things like do they watch tv, and how much? Does the provider transport the children in her auto and do they all ride in appropriate car seats/boosters? Does anyone in the home smoke? Does she have someone lined up for backup or is that your responsibility? If the provider has to run somewhere for 2-3 hours or so, does she leave the kids with her husband/mom/adult children/neighbor? If she does, ask to meet them and do a "mini-interview". You should also be informed of when she will do this and if you don't want them being watched by that person, you can find alternate care. I'm running out of things for now, but if I think of anything else I'll post again.

If you'd like, I can email you a copy of my contract and a couple other peoples so you can see examples of what to look for. Good luck with your decision. I know it's tough and I know you'll do what's best for your dd. Big hugs, Kelly. cathyliz@bigfoot.com

By Kellyj on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 09:20 pm:

Cat, I did send you an email. Thank you so much for all of your suggestions!

By Mommmie on Thursday, May 20, 2004 - 10:21 pm:

My son was at a church daycare full time beginning at 23 months. I never considered a home care provider. I like the advantages of the center care. They are always there. There are multiple caregivers who are supervised. There are other kids the same age. (My son is very social.) They's no TV/videos.

I have neighbors that had a girl come into their home. She was an illegal alien so they got her cheap. She stayed 3 years and was quite good.

You are right. It is so expensive! In 1996, I paid $550/month. That same church daycare now charges $700/month for that same spot. Ouch!

By Cat on Saturday, May 22, 2004 - 04:11 pm:

Kelly, I sent you an email the other day, but messed it up. I had to forward what you sent me to my dh's email account because all my files are on his 'puter, then I just hit reply and sent your email back to myself! It got kicked back to dh's 'puter this morning, so I sent it to you this time. Sorry! Didn't want you to think I forgot about you. Let me know if you don't get it.

By Kellyj on Monday, May 24, 2004 - 10:40 am:

Thank you Cathy. I got your email yesterday. Thank you so much!

By Dmom on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 10:14 pm:

Hey,

Since you are looking for employment, why not try working daycare? I did it and I loved it.

Most daycares will give you free childcare for your child while you are working and the big franchises offer benefits.

And you know where your child is and who your child's teacher is, to me, it is a "win win" situation.

I worked daycare from age 18 to 34 then I had a premature child and could not put her in daycare to continue my work there. But it had been my plan to bring the baby back to the center where I was working. It was a good center.

A tip when looking for a daycare center:

Pay attention to how it smells.
If it smells like food cooking, cleanser and playdough-it is usually a good one.

If it smells like "potty time" and you can't smell anything cooking (graham crackers and water for snack) and all the toys are put away (the kids are not allowed to "be messy"--it is usually a bad one.

Good Luck!

By Coopaveryben on Sunday, May 30, 2004 - 05:17 pm:

In our area you can get a list of all the Liscensed Daycare providers from the Department of Human Resources. I considered a home provider for my oldest, I started calling from the list I got and everyone I called I could hear the TV on in the background and it never sounded like kid shows. I made a spread sheet when I was searching with a list of questions and started meeting with them from there...we found a great place!

By Kellyj on Sunday, May 30, 2004 - 06:23 pm:

Hi everyone,
Just a little update. Dmom that's a really great suggestion but I am not cut out for being a daycare provider. I love my dd so much and we have a blast together but I am terrible with other people's kids. I'd lose my mind in about a week.
I had two interviews last week and spoke with a daycare center that my dd attended briefly before I went part-time. They are going to make room for her at the center. I liked it there and think that will probably be best for her and us. I'm starting a Master's Program in January and must have reliable care. I wanted to thank Cathy for all of the information that you sent to me. I'm definitely holding on to it in case I need to reevaluate the situation.
So hopefully I'll be getting an offer this week. I've been pretty depressed this weekend because I was supposed to get a call on Friday from one person with a decision and he never called. Then the other position that I interviewed for posted in the paper today which means that they either forgot to pull the ad or that they are not going to hire me I'm trying to stay positive because they are both extremely busy people but it's so hard. In the meantime, my soon to be ex-employer is pushing me to finish up my experiments but things don't want to work right. Aggghhhh! On top of that, I have a whole bunch of resumes out with my old boss' name on it as a reference and news broke this week saying that he has been found guilty of lying about some really important stuff. It's a huge scandal and it probably cost people their lives so it's not a small white lie. So now I'm freaked out that once they see his name on there that the people reviewing my resume will discard it even though I worked for him in a completely unrelated field and place. It's one thing after another! Sorry this turned into a vent. I really had just wanted to say THANK YOU!!! You guys are great.