Hi, I'm new and hope someone out there has some advice for me. My son is 6 years old and in K. He is doing great academically in school,but having problems socially and emotionally. He is a bit immature in his gross motor skills and seems to like things that the other boys in his class have outgrown. He has invited several of them over and they say no, they make fun of him for liking Winnie The Pooh (I still like Winnie The Pooh!)and he is still having melt downs over things at school and at home. He has made great progress this year and I am sure he will contiue, but I worry about his self esteem and next year. We have discussed holding him back, but all(including his teacher) feel that he his too far ahead academically to do that. I am looking for advice on how to help him, but also how to help myself bring the "joy" back in being around him. I find myself frustrated with having to deal with the other kids and their rude parents,dealing with my sons melt downs, and dealing with his moody behavior. I love him dearly and want to love being around him too! THank you for reading this terribly long message.

By Coopaveryben on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 12:59 pm:

Does he usually stay at home with you over the summer? I would use this summer to put him in a day camp a few days a week. There are several places around here and I think most places have them, they are for school age, just find one that does a lot of field trips and activities, this will give him the summer to work on his social skills without the academic components.

My son and I used to play out certain social situations also, table manners, telephone and such but you could do this with getting angry, someone picking on him and have him act out the appropriate responses and do it again and again. Remind him it is okay to get upset but this is how you deal with it and give him the knowledge to handle it.

Also be very careful what you send him to school in, I caught myself almost putting a sippy cup in my DS's lunch because I thought that wouldn't leak....but then it struck me what the other kids would say and I took it out. Kindergartener's are appauled by anything "pre-school" try to make sure you don't send him in anything that they would consider "baby".

I never thought I could feel someone's heartaches until I had children and I think there are times I feel worse for my own son than he does. Hang in there and keep us posted.

By Amyj on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 01:43 pm:

Thanks for the ideas Chrissy. Sounds like from your profile that we have alot of the same interests. I am home full time over the summer and have already signed him up for a four morning soccer camp, VBS, t-ball, and swimming lessons. We are trying to help him develope gross motor skills, as well as social skills.

I like the idea of role playing situations. I also never thought about the "pre-school" thing. I will take a closer look at what he is wearing and putting on his back pack!

I agree with you about feeling someone's heartaches. Yesterday a school mate was telling his mom that none of the boys from school could come over to play. My son heard him and said,"I'll come play at your house!" The boy looked at my son and his mom took him by the arm and turned and walked away. My son was heartbroken and wanted to know why the boys are mean to him. I of course wanted to run after the mother and share a few words, but didn't. I felt so sad for my son. I try to tell him to be like a duck and let it roll off, but we all know how much it hurts. Thanks for listening and I'll keep you posted.

By Tink on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 07:36 pm:

Amy, I left my advice on the welcome board. It sounds like you have some great ideas and I think this is something he'll grow out of, but it hurts so much right now, for both of you. I've seen over and over on this board how badly the parents act and it makes me so mad! How do we expect the children to act any better when that's what the see the adults doing!!

By Amyk on Wednesday, May 12, 2004 - 08:55 pm:

Hey Amy -

Your situation sounds a lot like my sister's 7yo son. Has your son always been this way? My sister's boy has always had meltdowns over things that other children would take in stride. He is a challenge to parent and she gets very frustrated with him. He is also immature and his gross motor skills aren't where they should be. He also is doing fine in the academic side of things. This being said, they have had him evaluated by an occupational therapist who detected some sensory issues (this was a couple years ago) - and just recently they took him to a pediatric psychiatrist that thinks he sees some signs of OCD and depression. (Like what you were saying about low self-esteem). I encourage you to have your son evaluated and see if there are any diagnosable things that can be helped. I think it is best to attack these issues early and make sure that your sweet son enjoys school and that life isn't a struggle for him. I wish you the very best and keep on searching for solutions.

Sincerely,

Amy

By Amyj on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 05:21 pm:

Thanks for the advice! My son has always been a spirited child. His melt downs have actually improved a great deal over the last year and I suspect they will continue to if I can just help him work through everything. I use to work as a therapeutic recreation specialist and worked with many OT's. One of them did a sensory intergration eval on him and it came back normal. He does have some minor speech concerns (a slight lisp and articulation problems)and we are seeing a speech therapist two times a month. This morning before school I tried Chrissy's idea of role playing a situation. When he came home he told me that almost the same thing happened today and he told the little boy just what we practiced. I was so proud of him! I think that is a start. Thanks again for the advice. Who needs a therapist when you have other moms for advice!

By Tink on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 05:33 pm:

YAAAAYYYY!!!!

By Coopaveryben on Thursday, May 13, 2004 - 11:21 pm:

I'm so glad to hear that!

By Amyj on Thursday, May 27, 2004 - 06:56 pm:

Just an update and needing to vent... Last week a boy from my son's school invited him over for a play date. The mom told me she was going to take them to a movie, Scooby Doo. I didn't check the movie out first (big mistake)and long story short, my son got scared and wouldn't stay. The mom took the kids and left. That would have been fine, but she didn't just take the two boys. She also invited two boys from the school. One of the boys happened to be the boy in my son's class who has been very mean to him. This mom knew all about the problems with this boy and invited him anyway! Of course the boys were angry at my son for making everyone leave and made fun of him for the next several hours. (yes, she continued the play date and didn't call me until two hours later!) That night I took Chrissy's suggestion and we role played how to handle it if they made fun of him at school. Of course they started in the next day, but my son was ready. One of the boys called him a scaredy cat. My son answered back, "Ya I was scared and everyone is scared of something. Even you!" I was so proud of him. Maybe we are making progress with dealing with things! Thanks for listening.

By Emily7 on Thursday, May 27, 2004 - 07:39 pm:

I am sorry for the experience your son had. Children can be so mean, I hope mine never act that way. I can not believe she didn't call you to pick him up at the movie. She certainly did not help the situation. Good for him on the come back.

By Coopaveryben on Thursday, May 27, 2004 - 10:05 pm:

I'm so sorry his play date didn't work out. I wish the other mother had handled this better.

I am happy to hear that he is handling things better. Just the act of you seeing the problems and helping him learn to deal with them will help him overcome them. It sounds like you are doing a good job.

By Bobbie~moderatr on Thursday, May 27, 2004 - 11:33 pm:

I agree. He sees you care and that you are trying to help that of all things will make him a stronger person. Trust me he cares more about your acceptance than he does anyone elses. Keep up the role playing. My kids and I do this all the time. DD 14 says it has gotten her through a lot of things because we had played the script out already so it was right there for her to repeat in a time of need. (this all points back that kids retain more than we think they do..) Good job... And great come back by the way. When they can see he is stronger and not going to buckle they will move on to the next kid. (sad but true). But they only bully the kids they know they can.

By Feona on Friday, May 28, 2004 - 07:19 am:

They do role playing and play therapy too with my son alot. You are doing a good job.

By Dmom on Saturday, May 29, 2004 - 09:21 pm:

Hi.
My daughter struggles socially and emotionally too. I am new and left some experience, strength and hope on the introduction page. Glad to hear things are somewhat better. My kids are not allowed to watch "Scooby Doo" because my oldest daughter is very sensitive and spirited and I have no intention of being up all night over a cartoon!:-) Glad to hear your son is doing better. More from me on introduction page if you are interested. I am a "chatterbox."

By Katherine on Friday, June 4, 2004 - 01:02 am:

I know of several parents that have decided to home school their children mainly because of the fact that other children can be so mean. They socialize with other children at their church, team sports, and other activities that are designed for homeschooled kids. I don't know if this is an option for you, but there are many resources for homeschooling your kids on the web.
Maybe this would help until he matures a little and builds his self esteem by socializing with "nicer" kids at church, etc.

Just a thought

By Katherine on Friday, June 4, 2004 - 01:07 am:

One after thought. I just noticed that there is an entire thread under the parenting special needs kids about homeschooling.

By Amyj on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 07:12 pm:

Just thought I would vent about this week and my wonderfully spirited son! This week was Vacation Bible School at my church. My son was with the K-1st class and I was the coordinator for the 3-4 year old classes. On Thursday two high school students brought him to me and he was crying. I tried to find out what happened,but they didn't know. Finally, I found the adult teacher and she informed me that my son doesn't listen, pushed another child, spit in class and has no respect. Long story short, he was playing with another child and they both pushed each other. He wasn't spiting, but trying to be silly and making animal sounds. He was having a hard time listening and showing respect, doesn't surprise me. The teacher didn't handle it in the best way and made my son feel like he was a bad child, instead of the behavior being bad. My son also thought he had been kicked out of VBS. I think in the end it ended up being a good lesson for him. He now understands that his actions, even if he didn't mean to be loud or disrespectful, effect others. I just have to say that it wears me out to go through this over and over with him. I also worry about the reputation that he is getting at school and other places. I know that he is learning and doing much better with each experience, but it is so hard! I guess all I can do is support him and help him gain skills and knowledge from each challenge. Thanks for listening. Sometimes talking about it to people who don't know him and won't pass judgement is very helpful.

By Gammiejoan on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 10:03 pm:

Amy, I can definitely relate to your situation with your ds. If you have time, read a post of mine from earlier this week under the "Parenting of Special Needs Children" section regarding my 6 y/o grandson. Vent to us any time.

By Happynerdmom on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 10:22 pm:

Amy, your son is so blessed to have you for a mom. It sounds like you are doing all you can for him, and he is showing small improvements. I know when it comes to our kids, we want so badly for everyone to think well of them, but you can't worry about what other people think. They're never going to love him like you do. YOU'RE the most important person in his life. It sounds like it may be a long road, but hang in there. Keep praying for wisdom, patience, and ENDURANCE. One of these days, your efforts will produce a wonderful man! (((hugs)))

By Coopaveryben on Saturday, June 26, 2004 - 11:44 pm:

I've seen it with my own, keep talking him through these situations like you are doing and he will keep getting better at them.

One day this will all be forgotten and you'll be saying, "I remember when...".

By Amyj on Sunday, June 27, 2004 - 10:35 am:

Thank you Joan for letting me know about your post. I read it and much of it sounds like what my son has gone through. He is always the one singled out and in his case it is because he is always the most obvious. He is who he is. He is not sneaky, he is just himself. The other kids are doing the same things just quieter I guess! His behavior at VBS was annoying, but not dangerous. The teacher needed to put it into perspective and not threaten the big one (kicked out) for annoying. Maybe your grandson didn't react to the woman because he really loves playing and is willing to put up with it because of that. I disagree with people who say pull him out. How are our kids going to learn to be in a group situation without the practice. I can't give him that at home. I also believe that the other children on the team need to learn to work with and respect all people. It is a good experience for all involved. Obviously, the woman helping really needs the practice. In the VBS class I taught last week we had several children with various needs. Some had a "lable" some did not, but ALL had needs. Even the child who seems to be the "perfect" child needs something from us. Thanks for sharing your story, it helps to hear what other families are doing to help their children.