Hi there -

I'm posting this on behalf of my sister - her 7yo son is waking up several times during the night (for the past couple of weeks)saying he is afraid (I think he says he is afraid there are crocodiles in his room). They have tried letting him sleep with the light on, taking him outside to look at the stars/make him more comfortable with the dark, using a secret anti-croc magic spray, etc. to assure him that no crocs will come in.

She and I agree that this is probably in part a way that he has found to get some undivided attention from mom and dad in the middle of the night. (he has a younger sister and brother)... that being said - what should she do?? Have you had this experience? What worked for you? Your feedback is greatly appreciated!

Happy Mother's Day!

Amy
Mom of 8mo Garrett

By Trina~moderator on Saturday, May 8, 2004 - 12:10 pm:

His fears could very well be legit. It's not unusual for school age kids to have night fears. It's a developmental stage. We went through a similar phase with DS, who will be turning 8 in August. For him, it helped a great deal to listen to music and turn the closet light on in his room. If necessary, DH or I would rub his back and chat with him a little bit.
**************************************************

Here is a good article.
http://www.parentcenter.com/refcap/78183.html

Nighttime fears: Why they happen and what to do about them
Ages 5 to 8
by Trisha Thompson


Why does my child have so many nighttime fears?
It might seem strange that a child who didn't have bedtime fears when she was a toddler or preschooler would be afraid of so many things — including the dark, monsters under the bed, and sleeping alone — now that she's older. But it makes sense from a developmental point of view. School-age kids understand the difference between reality and fantasy, but they have vivid imaginations that can sometimes run away with them. Wider access to TV shows, videos, books, and news reports can also mean your child is taking in more scary messages, often without you there to temper them. Her world is much bigger than it was when she was younger, and while this is exciting and fun during the day, it can be overwhelming and frightening by night.

"Nighttime fear — of the dark, of separation from parents, of noises, and of bad people doing bodily harm — is a normal developmental stage that goes on much longer than parents expect, up until at least age 8 or 9," says Patricia Sheets, a professor of counseling education at the University of Alabama at Birmingham. School-age children can fully grasp the fact that there are things in the world that can hurt them and that their parents can't always protect them. This is also the age when fears of something terrible happening to Mom or Dad surface. And, like an adult, a child between the ages of 5 and 8 may have trouble shutting off her mental review of the day and preview of tomorrow. She may come to you complaining of a scary noise, for instance, but it might really be the war in the Middle East she heard classmates talking about that's scaring her. Your job over the next ten years or so will be to help your child understand the difference between a real danger (accepting a ride from a stranger, or smoking cigarettes) and something that, disturbing though it may be, doesn't present an immediate or personal threat (a war being waged 5,000 miles away).

What can I do to help my child get over her night fears?
You may not be able to help her resolve her fears right now (since it's mostly a stage she'll have to outgrow), but there's a lot you can do to help her cope with her fears and get to sleep more easily. In the hours before bed, prime your child's mood with upbeat, non-violent stories or videos (even Harry Potter and Scooby-Doo may be too much for a child going through a particularly fearful period). At bedtime, stick to a peaceful routine — a shower or bath, a gentle story or a few poems (or 15 minutes of independent reading), and maybe a song and a couple of minutes of silent vigil with you sitting by her bed. (For a list of storybooks about kids dealing with bedtime fears, check out the Carnegie Library of Pittsburgh site, or see which bedtime books other ParentCenter members recommend. One personal favorite to add to your list: Bedtime for Frances, by Russell and Lillian Hoban.)

The lulling sameness of a bedtime ritual serves as a talisman of sorts, warding off evildoers and bad thoughts and easing the transition from wide-awake to sound asleep. A night-light or two may also make your child feel more secure. Leaving the bedroom door ajar, playing story tapes or soft music, and encouraging your grade-schooler to sleep with a beloved toy or blanket (reminding her she's not too old for this) may help, too. If your child has a sibling or even a pet, letting them bunk together can make nighttime fears vanish as suddenly as they appeared.

If your child is afraid of being alone and is comforted only by contact with you, consider offering up a virtual you, in the form of a two-way monitor or a set of walkie-talkies. This allows your child to talk into the monitor and hear you talk back, reassuring her that you — and she — are still safe and sound and giving her some measure of control that, in itself, is comforting. Granted, this privilege may be easily abused, and its constant use can get tedious. But it could be a way to keep a nervous child in her bed while you get to be somewhere else, and the novelty of overuse should wear off within a few nights, at which point the mere presence of the monitor on your child's nightstand may be comfort enough. (And, by the way, if you don't mind having your child sleep with you for a while, until her nighttime fears subside and she's off to another developmental challenge, don't worry about doing it. As long as everyone's happy and rested, this is time well spent.)

Some grade-schoolers respond well to visualization and other relaxation techniques, and this is a good opportunity to teach her this lifetime skill (before she thinks it's just too weird to try). Have her close her eyes and take deep breaths in through her nose and out through her mouth. Ask her to travel in her imagination to the most beautiful and peaceful place she's ever seen. If it's a sunny beach, prompt her to imagine feeling the sand sift between her toes and the hot sun on her face. Tell her that she can go to this place in her mind whenever she chooses, whether it's at night when she's fretting over something or at school when she's nervous about a test.

Before lights-out, perhaps while you're snuggling with her at bedtime, try to get your child to talk about what's on her mind. Open-ended questions ("How was your day, honey?") will get you nowhere. So try something like, "What was the best, worst, and weirdest part of your day?" When an answer opens a floodgate of concerns, don't just tell her not to worry. Instead, listen to what she has to say. You could even help her write her worries down. It seems simplistic, but getting these thoughts out of her head and onto the paper can help ease their load.

How can I tell whether my child's nighttime fears are abnormal?
If you've done everything you can to reassure your child and she's still intensely fearful, her fears may have crossed the line from a normal developmental issue to a phobia or anxiety problem, and you'll need to get some help for her. Telltale signs of a phobia include crying and carrying on that repeatedly lasts more than a few minutes and blowing a normal fear way out of proportion (from "I'm scared of the dark" to "Turn on all the lights in the house so the robbers can't kill us"). Extreme or persistent nighttime fears can result from a disturbing or traumatic event in the home, at school, or in the larger world. Grade-schoolers are aware of and vulnerable to the stress of a divorce or a death in the family, a parent's loss of employment, moving to a new house, a change in caregiver or teacher, an act of violence, or a natural disaster. Needless to say, nighttime fears can also be caused by physical or emotional abuse (in which case, there really may have been a monster in her room).

If your child will do anything to avoid facing a fear, if she won't stay in her bed and can't fall asleep because she's genuinely afraid (and not because she simply wants to stay up late), she may have an underlying emotional issue that needs to be addressed. A family healthcare provider should be able to recommend an appropriate therapist in your area. Take advantage of the help, even if you're not positive you need it — a fresh perspective and some individual attention may be just what you and your child need.

By Coopaveryben on Saturday, May 8, 2004 - 05:45 pm:

Just a thought and anything is worth checking into. I had a two really bad teachers in my life the first when I was in second grade and I went through a thing were I would scream and scream, sneak into my parents room to sleep on the floor/in front of their door, etc. It may just be worth asking if someone is being mean to him anywhere church/school and ask about Kids/teachers/leaders. Sometimes kids have fears doing the day that they are unable to deal with and they surface at night. Just a thought to throw in there.

By Dawnk777 on Sunday, May 9, 2004 - 12:56 am:

My 12yo still sleeps with her closet light on. She just doesn't like being in the dark.

By Cocoabutter on Monday, May 10, 2004 - 10:51 pm:

When my son was 2, I forgot to plug in his night light one night. He woke up and began screaming a horrifying scared-for-his-life scream, and when I got to his room and turned on a light, he was cowering in the corner of his crib. When I picked him up, he fought to get away from me, got down and ran to the dining room and began running around the table, as if he were being chased. I flipped on the dining room light and he stopped, as if to gather his bearings. Then, after another hour, I got him settled down on the couch, and he went back to sleep. But, ever since that night, and he's 7 now, he has NEVER liked to go to sleep alone in his room. I have tried with little success to get him comfortable there. I finally figured that the tree outside his bedroom window might be part of the problem and perhaps caused the scare to begin with, regardless of the shade that was always pulled. I decided to try moving him to a different bedroom- ours. We live in a small 2 bedroom house, so we really don't have a "master" bedroom. This worked for a while. The problem, I now believe, was that there was some inconsistency in the effort between my husband and I. We worked opposite shifts. I worked days and weekends. He worked nights and weekdays. On the weekends, we would let our son stay up a while with daddy, and I would get to bed early for work. Daddy never made much of an effort to get him to sleep in his own bed, especially in the summer. Now, I leave the light on for him on his dresser, and his radio is set to a light rock station. I lay with him on his bed until he goes to sleep, on the condition that he actually tries to go to sleep and doesn't play around. I don't mind doing this for him, because I want him to know he can always count on me. But, I know I will not be able to do this for him much longer. It is nearing the end of the school year, and I plan on starting fresh next fall with an appropriate bedtime routine and schedule.

Another hint, though- I also find that, if he's really tired, he will go to sleep much quicker, even sometimes all by himself. So, keeping kids busy during the day so that they use up all that energy will probably help them have a better night's sleep. I have heard (and we all have) that movies and video games excite kids rather than calms them. Though we think they are calm because they are sitting still, their minds are racing with images and activities long after they finish watching. Avoiding cartoon violence and video games before bedtime might be helpful in calming a child down for sleep.

By Tink on Monday, May 10, 2004 - 11:53 pm:

Lisa, it sounds like your son may have suffered from a night terror. My brother and son both had trouble with these, periodically. The pediatrician said that they don't remember them the next morning but my son is always more fearful the couple of nights following one. I haven't really found a true trigger although they are slightly more likely if he has gotten very excited during the day. We also use a light on the dresser and he shares a room so he does have company at night. When he sleeps alone he's always afraid to be in there by himself. I totally agree with the tv and videogame statements. The tv is a no-no for the hour before bed at our house. I have even done this for myself and found that I fall asleep sooner. It might help to educate the little boy about crocodiles, except for any scary aspects, so that he has more of an idea of the animal. This really worked with my 6yo dd. After she saw that tigers are good mothers and like to wrestle and play she felt better about them. They were her big fear earlier this year.